This is a great post, so thank you. It causes me to reflect on how I'd describe my work, and it gives me new thoughts about what work is yet to be done.
My work has been:
1. To actively speak my husband's love language (quality time). I'd gotten caught up in so many things before the A that H and us as a couple always came last
2. To handle any difference of opinion between us (things that come up in everyday life, not specifically the A) in a more thoughtful and mature way. I'm pretty emotional, and that got in the way of constructive and healthy dialogue
3. To not give the past more relevance than it deserves. I'm working hard to leave the A behind us
4. To reengage and work with H to build a better marriage, even though it is terrifying to feel so vulnerable. I just caught my husband lying to me about his actions yesterday, and this was the first deception (that I know of) since the A ended....so this "work" is really tough at the moment
One of the earlier posts had a great comment about the work of a BS including actively working to heal. I think I'm doing that, but if I'm honest with myself, I need to work harder here and focus more on actively healing. The 'active' part is what's hard...it's not enough to assume that with the passage of time, things will just get better on their own.