Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New to this....
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to look up the lyrics, this line stands out to me

"Everything that kills me makes me feel alive"

Please stay off FB & concentrate on your kiddos & saving yourself too


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1318 | Registered: Oct 2004
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She quoted that line exactly. Then sent her best friend up here to bring me dinner and check on me. Her friend claims that's not why she came to my job but I know better.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad my tag line helped you khrisdeus. It's the truth. No matter who you thought she was before, at the moment, she's not even close to your friend, never mind best friend.

As others said, document everything. Every time she sees the kids, etc. You must to make sure you protect yourself.

Get a voice activated recorder. Also, please? Don't be alone with her. At. All. Especially since you are the man. If you filing sends her over the edge, she could try to claim abuse to have you removed. If she does, you won't see your kids for quite a while. Do not be alone with her.

Keep breathing, and make sure you are drinking lots of water. You need to look after you.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5547 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just over the games. Why else would she send her friend here. Her friend says "your wife thinks your mad at her because you left as soon as she got home today and you haven't been keeping up on the house" what?! Are you kidding me? I'm mad and you can tell because the house is dirty and I left? WE'RE GETTING DIVORCED! So I told her friend I'm over it. Over being walked on, and I'm moving on with my life. Still no contact, gotta be strong, and I'm going to get a glass of water right now :)

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were all new to this at one point. I promise it gets easier. I know the course of action you're taking at the moment is really scary but it's absolutely the right thing to do. Be ruthless. Ignore any guilt you might feel. It's the best and easiest way to save yourself and ironically enough, it also gives you the best chance to resurrect the marriage if that's what the two of you decide that you want in the future.

This is a war and she started it by hitting you with a cowardly sneak attack. You're reeling but by filing, you're taking the power back.


Posts: 1756 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a very positive perspective on it. Thank you :)

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think at this point it's counterproductive to try to get inside your W's head.

I spent way too much time doing that when the truth is, it's dark, dank, twisted & not any place you need to be because your mindset is in a whole different galaxy.

Shields up!


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1318 | Registered: Oct 2004
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm trying really hard to not try to figure out her mind, but now all I can come up with is she either meant it to be that she wants to be with him, or it was supposed to be directed at me.... She needs to tie her shoes cause she's tripping

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm trying really hard to not try to figure out her mind

Good, because it is a complete waste of your time and energy. Many of us here have tried, in vane, to do the same thing. The result is always the same, there is no understanding it. Only broken can understand broken, or crazy can understand crazy. Since you are neither, and a normal, rational human being with a good moral character, you will never figure it out.

Focus your energy on your strategy for your filing and to protect your kids from the crazy as much as possible. They don't need that either (and ultimately you cannot control all of what they will be exposed to either if you co-parent). Divorce IS war, whether you go through with it all the way or not. You still need to walk the path as if you will, and only you really know the best way to handle your WW in that regard. Sometimes that means strategizing against conventional wisdom (that's what I had to do). Do your homework to understand the divorce/child custody laws in your state before you talk to your L so you can be prepared with your questions to fully understand what you can expect from the D. Then create your strategy to get the best possible outcome for you and your kids. Knowledge is power, my friend.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1211 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're all such wonderful people. I'm so glad I decided to share.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey!

did you make it through the night ok?


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1318 | Registered: Oct 2004
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I did, 36 hours NC. But I did something bad this morning :( I went home to shower before work:

Her: any reason you took the big portrait of you and I down? Seems a little childish.

Me: were done, we're getting a divorce, I'm tired of looking at that shit.

Her: you have no reason to be mean to me (I haven't been in 2 months)

Me: really? You told me Tuesday you didn't give a fuck about my feelings and you were going to that party with OM Saturday if I like it or not

Her: I never said I was going to that party

Me: you know what, the money is dried up, I'm done buying you $80 pairs of jeans and Cadillacs, my direct deposit has been changed, I'm filing for divorce and if you have any other questions you can contact my attorney

Her: (very sarcastically) ok, have a great day.

I took my shower, went to the ATM to verify that she hadn't screwed me over, and came to work.....

She acted like she was ok, but now I'm fearing her next move...


Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did nothing wrong.

"Bad" is screwing around on your spouse.

Now that you have drawn the line, stand behind it.

NC her. Kids & finances ONLY.

Divorce is not an event, it's a process.

Stay strong, we've got your back.

She's likely to ramp up the nasty. Try not to let her get to you.

And think about getting that voice activated recorder.

Plenty of members here have had to defend themselves against false DV allegations.

Sh*t's gonna get real tomorrow.

Once she knows she has lost control of the situation, all bets are off.

Don't clue her in on any of your plans regarding the D, don't give her any advantage.


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1318 | Registered: Oct 2004
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well luckily I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow at 8:45. I talked to my best friend in his basement for 4 hours last night and realized I'm a great husband, I don't deserve what she has been putting me through. I'm done being an emotional door mat, and I have the most aggressive, productive attorney in the state. I'm going to town. She has exactly $0, no financial support, and nowhere long term to go. She's going to get really nasty, but maybe she should have thought about all of that 2 months ago when she started down this path.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad your friend is there for you.

You sound good to go.

Keep in mind that time is $$$$ with the lawyer - keep it business, the L is not your therapist. (Mistake I made)

I felt much better after the first meeting with the lawyer, like ok, someone's going to navigate this weird situation for me.

Keep us posted & good luck Friday.

As for your WW, actions meet consequences.


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1318 | Registered: Oct 2004
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone I've talked to said her tune would change when I filed and cut her off. Now I've got this eerie feeling because she handled it so well... no arguing, no pleading, just sarcastic acceptance

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Likely it's not real to her yet.

Probably still thinks she can do as she pleases & manipulate you.

Wait till she's served...


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1318 | Registered: Oct 2004
Commanche1
♂ Member
Member # 39692
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

khrisdeus, she is calm because she doesn't believe you

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jun 2013
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So she thinks I'm just blowing smoke.... She's in for a surprise

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I just came home on my split shift and tried to sneak into my room in the basement and she is down here going through totes and splitting up her stuff and mine. Not sure what that means haha

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 63
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.