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Newest Member: peluche (44913)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New to this....
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I just came home on my split shift and tried to sneak into my room in the basement and she is down here going through totes and splitting up her stuff and mine. Not sure what that means haha

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guessing that's her attempt to show she is in control of this situation

Or the cray-cray is winning


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Oct 2004
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I know her well enough that I know it's a sign of "oh yeah, well how about I do this?"

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not to mention she conveniently started in the basement knowing that's where I'd go if I came home. She even put the wedding stuff in my pile

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL

The wedding stuff is a great big, you can't reject me, I reject you.


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Oct 2004
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, she still hasn't gotten a response from me, so she just asked me if I'd get the power switched over to my name as soon as possible. "Yeah, sure thing"

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
Healing2012
♀ Member
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's like a game of chicken. I guarantee she thinks you were just talking a big game. She thinks you'll cave first. She is in for a world of surprise.

I'm glad you were able to speak with your friend. It's amazing how much our WSs scramble our brains to make us think we're at fault and/or the crazy ones. It's good that you have someone in your life you can trust and who makes sure you see that this is not your fault.

Sending you good vibes for tomorrow and lots of strength!


BS: Me (41)
WS: Husband (47)
Married 9 years
Two children 6 & 17 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Separated - not R, not D.

Posts: 357 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I'm not going to lie, I'm starting to freak out. Don't want my marriage to be over but don't want her fleeing with my kids. I think she's serious....

When I successfully ignored the packing the comments increased.

"Can you get the power out of my name"

"Can you get me off of your truck so I can file bankruptcy"

"I'm hoping to have all my stuff out of the basement and moved to the garage by Saturday so you can have your space"

"Can you bring some boxes home from work"

"Can I borrow your truck for a little bit tonight so I can move the exercise equipment out of the basement to my friends house"

Just to be honest I'm playing tough to try to get her to come to her senses. I'm still planning on the temporary custody tomorrow, but I'm starting to realize she may be serious. I love my wife, and I know it's stupid to, but now I'm scared.....


Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We get it.

I loved my H too, but not enough to share.

Your first post, you said you'd reached your breaking point.

In other words, her turning your marriage into a 3some in which your role is to live in the basement & pay for her to party with OM was no longer acceptable.

You'd like to knock her off the fence & make her choose you over him.

You love her.

Are you willing to sit back & let her run the show ?

Are you willing to share her?

What are you getting out of the marriage? Your story reads like she has been throwing the OM in your face & daring you to challenge her.

You don't have to file BUT what if she runs off with your kids, again?

It's totally your decision BUT if you back down & don't see the lawyer, her manipulation continues unabated & she'll be pulling your strings, again.

Only you can walk in your shoes. On your side whatever you choose, just remember, nobody deserves to be treated like this.


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Oct 2004
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it's that I'm still hopeful. I'm done compromising, cut her off financially, I just don't want it to be over, I want her to wake up and be my wife again. Give up on OM and realize I'm not going to be plan B. I'm not willing to go back from the progress I've made, I'm just hoping she realizes that single life, filing bankruptcy, living an hour from her children, not living the life I've helped to provide her with is harder than working on herself and our marriage.

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've got a mutual friend who talked me into trying to have one last civil conversation with her before I file. I texted her and she responded with "I guess we can give it a shot and see what happens. I'm not promising anything though" .... we'll see....

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, get the VAR. If WW is commenting on you "being mean to poor little me," the next step is to call it abuse. Protect yourself. Protect your kids. Do NOT meet with her alone.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1748 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met with my attorney today. He seems pretty confident that under the circumstances I should be able to get whatever I want. She doesn't have an attorney yet and spent a good part of the morning texting me asking me to please not go through court for this because she thinks it will "fuck up our kids". She also said she didn't want to fight me or hate me, to which I responded "you haven't cared about my feelings lately, so why should I give a fuck about yours" been NC ever since

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

asking me to please not go through court for this because she thinks it will "fuck up our kids".

Exactly how does she think divorces happen? Magic fairy dust? And maybe she should have thought about how all this would affect her children BEFORE she decided to fuck around...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1089 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
hellzapoppin
♀ Member
Member # 5655
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And just like that, game change.

You hold the power now.

Good job on NC.

How are you feeling?


Him-WH
Me - BW
M 21 years
Divorced by stealth

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Oct 2004
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He seems pretty confident that under the circumstances I should be able to get whatever I want

As things stand, yes you should. Right up until the police show up at you door and remove you from the home for domestic abuse.

Seriously, get the VAR.
Do NOT meet with her alone.


Great advice. When she does meet with a lawyer and her lawyer tells her she's in trouble, what do you predict her response will be? BTDT. Watch your ass. The first move the cops make is to remove the accused abuser from the home. You have to prove your innocence, not the other way around. It's a quick, sleazy way to be awarded temporary custody. Do you really believe she's not capable of that?

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2820 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

VAR VAR VAR

Dude - get yourself to a big box store and buy a VAR TODAY if you haven't already.

The advice you're getting is from people who have been there, done that, and seen the ABSOLUTE worst from their spouses. You have to plan for the worst, expect the worst, protect yourself from the worst.

Buy the VAR. Carry it on you at ALL times.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25292 | Registered: Aug 2011
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just want to join in and reiterate the importance of having a Voice Activated Recorder with you at all times!

Also - you didn't mention credit cards, or I missed it, get her name off them! Document the drinking if you can.

And you need to know, though you don't want to hear it, I'm sure - that if filing does not wake her up... nothing else would have. Her choices appear to be consistently selfish, she was sticking with the OM after Dday, and she may continue to do so... In that case, you are left (like many of us here) with pulling off the band-aid slow or pulling it off quick.

Oh, and just in case - stop swearing when you text or talk to her. Put you business face on! You have to expect anything and everything - to show up in court if it goes that way. Vent here, curse here - we do !


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops. double post!

[This message edited by Take2 at 2:19 PM, November 8th (Friday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
khrisdeus
New Member
Member # 41265
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've got a recorder :) I was home napping just now when she realized I was here. She came downstairs and tried to talk to me, she said "oh so now you're going to record me?" "Yes" "great, you're going to put me through everything my dad put my mom through" and back upstairs she went :) it's hard to be strong, but it's getting easier :)

Posts: 44 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 63
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