I am wondering the same things you are. When someone is that checked-out of the marriage, how do you know they are really checked back in.
I will never understand the "glad the affair happened" thing. I have heard people say this many times, but it seems to me that there are a million better ways to open someone's eyes. The different light I see my H in now is not a flattering one.
Latest DD - April 2013, PA
2. I wanted a divorce before D-day but then chickened out. As soon as XH found out, it hit me how I didn't really want to leave. Unfortunately by that point, I didn't have a choice. I would say in my case it was not appreciating what I had until it was gone.
Married 2.5 years
Reconciling after divorce
"Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible." - Hunter Hayes, "Invisible"
Well, he had it. I discovered it. I threw him out. That's when he realized what he had been doing, and that he wasn't unhappy at all, and that it became much much worse (the blame, the feeling of unhappiness in the marriage) during the A because that was the justification for it.
I can't say that this is what happens with all WSs, but I believe it is with many of them. Hope this helps.