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Newest Member: Trusthimagain (44893)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: For new members
pendant
♀ Member
Member # 32890
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Follow your gut. Trust yourself. Don't believe a word WS says until you have a timeline and have double checked it. Red flags..we only kissed...we are good friends...it only happened twice...
I chose to R. It was hard. It's getting better. The A is always in the background, but how we deal with it and discuss it is different. Almost three years later, I am struggling with whether to acknowledge my anniversary next week. Time to focus on YOU.


"Once forgiving begins, dreams can be rebuilt. When forgiving is complete, meaning has been extracted from the worst of experiences and used to create a new set of moral rules and a new interpretation of life's events."

Posts: 423 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: North Carolina
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for posting this.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2669 | Registered: Jan 2010
whyme1525
♂ Member
Member # 40878
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

question for.you im 2 1/2 months since d-day. I haven't decided wether I want to r or not my ws says she does and has had nc with the other man and is in ic.. my question is isn't it normal to.talk about the affair? My wife never wants to talk.about it all she says is you know.everything we need to move on.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: whyme1525
whyme1525
♂ Member
Member # 40878
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

question for.you im 2 1/2 months since d-day. I haven't decided wether I want to r or not my ws says she does and has had nc with the other man and is in ic.. my question is isn't it normal to.talk about the affair? My wife never wants to talk.about it all she says is you know.everything we need to move on.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: whyme1525
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whyme1525, there are some good articles that address your question in The Healing Library (yellow box upper left corner)

One related article is titled, Joseph's Letter:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/joseph.asp

Another related article is titled, What the WS/BS Must Do to Reconcile:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/reconcile_musts.asp

my question is isn't it normal to.talk about the affair?

Not only is it normal, it's critical to your healing and beginning R.

As a side note, it may be more helpful to ask your question by starting a new topic. You are likely to get more responses by doing that.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 7:51 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5643 | Registered: Aug 2007
pendant
♀ Member
Member # 32890
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why, I found this site way after DDay because I automatically believed my FWH. Either way, does not matter. You were betrayed. You decide on what you need to move forward in R. Sounds like your wife needs to understand what is involved. You HAVE to talk and address all uncomfortable issues. Please see the Healing library...look for gas lighting and rug sweeping.

[This message edited by pendant at 8:00 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]


"Once forgiving begins, dreams can be rebuilt. When forgiving is complete, meaning has been extracted from the worst of experiences and used to create a new set of moral rules and a new interpretation of life's events."

Posts: 423 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: North Carolina
Lostandpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 41433
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had listened to my gut.
I wish I had listened to what I truly felt rather than listening to:
-You're just jealous and insecure
-You want to control me
-My good friends just happen to be females (and all exgf's)
-You want me to be "chained" to just you
-You're paranoid
-Get over it! (in reference to messaging with ex gf's inappropriately and me being upset about it)


He left me 18 weeks pregnant with twins for another.I am a Licensed Private Investigator..it even happens to us.

Posts: 354 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Canada
greengiant
♂ Member
Member # 41196
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, November 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also think it is essential to think about it. Maybe you don't need to always talk about this, but you need to talk. My WW asked me if I was ready to limit the time we would talk about this. I said I would try (We no longer talk in the day, but after the kids are going to bed we talk every day. We limit the time, but I said to her that I would go nuts if I would keep everything inside of me.


ME - BS - 33
fWW - 33
Married 8 years, together 15
3 kids: 6, 4 and 2
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW

Posts: 145 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Quebec, Canada
Topic Posts: 8

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