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User Topic: quick question
devotedfool68
♂ Member
Member # 38047
Question  Posted: 5:17 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A little back story. WW had affair for 9 months. started with one night stand within hours of meeting OM.

Several months ago, we had the pleasure of attending an event which OM attended also with mutual friends. A few days later it seems the fog started to lift.

This is now a few months ago and the main thing that I struggle with is that I am her second choice. That I am her backup plan and that she is settling for me. This feeling of failure and not being good enough is now causing me to have severe self esteem issues. The most recent issue is that I have a serious inferiority complex when it comes to sex. I have been rejected hundreds of times over our 20 years together. I assumed that this is normal and even though it has always hurt, I could deal with it because I felt it was normal in any marriage.

The problem now is that she has NEVER been rejected by me or anyone else, EVER.

She indicated that the night of her infidelity, she had invited him to her hotel room and when she became tired, did not know how to tell him that he should leave. He ended up initiating and she did not say no.

This leaves me devastated whenever she tells me no. He was better than me. She couldn''''''''t tell him no when it was a taboo, yet she can tell me no so easily.

The fact that she has never been rejected leaves me believing that she can not begin to understand what it feels like.

The problem, is that now when rejected, I feel completely emasculated. Unlike anything I''''''''ve ever felt before.

Thoughts?

[This message edited by devotedfool68 at 5:19 PM, November 10th, 2013 (Sunday)]


Posts: 154 | Registered: Jan 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simply put ,


She indicated that the night of her infidelity, she had invited him to her hotel room and when she became tired, did not know how to tell him that he should leave. He ended up initiating and she did not say no.


This^^^^^^is bullshit. This is tt to keep from hurting you or to minimize what she did and you need to call her out on it


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8089 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
devotedfool68
♂ Member
Member # 38047
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your reply TN!

To clarify, I have received the timeline and believe I have the facts. I chose the fact that she did not know how to ask him to leave because it directly relates to my question/issue.

[This message edited by devotedfool68 at 7:26 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]


Posts: 154 | Registered: Jan 2013
coldshot
♂ New Member
Member # 40882
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DF--
This situation truly does suck and trust me I feel your pain... The feeling of emasculation was one of the first things I had to deal with in the mess my STBXWW wife made of our lives.
Was the sex "better"? In a way perhaps... in the way masturbation provides relief I suppose. I'm sure the excitement and the fact that it was taboo added to the momentary enjoyment. Does it REALLY matter though? Does it make a devoted, loving spouse who truly cares for his wife less of a man? I think not, and any woman on this forum will tell you that. "Hot sex" with a fucking loser willing to bed another man's wife can never replace the intimacy between two people who care for each other.
None of this will make you feel a lot better, I know. The movies in your head, the questions... it all simply SUCKS. It WILL get better, and I know in my situation any initial jealousy and pain thinking another man had my wife was replaced by the realization that she is no longer the woman I loved, or married, or ever want to be with. No longer really "my wife", in the sense that I needed or deserved.
Please take care, and do not think for a second you are defined by your WW's behavior.


"The liar's punishment is, not in the least that she is not believed, but that she cannot believe anyone else." -- George B. Shaw

Posts: 46 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: coldshot
Topic Posts: 4

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