Sully, living with this man is harmful to your children.
Telling your children you were in jail is no more outrageous than a thousand other things he's done or said since you started posting here.
It is teaching them about relationships---lessons they will carry into their own.
Your son will learn it's okay to treat women this way, just as your husband learned this from the familial and cultural messages you've told us he learned.
Your daughter---and this horrifies me more--is learning that THIS IS ALL SHE HAS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN A RELATIONSHIP. (Yes, I shouted.)
These years are crucial. And they're being polluted by a man who, IMO, should have contact limited as much as possible.
I mean, yes--I realize he'd have visitation if he chose to exercise that right. And that's okay. I just think that your kids would be a million times better off if they lived with you, and the CONSISTENT environment was a loving one, and the CONSISTENT message they got about relationships is that women are to be treated with love and respect and, when they are not, should leave the relationship because THEY DESERVE BETTER.
What would you tell your daughter, if she were to be in a marriage like yours? Would you list all the reasons she couldn't/shouldn't leave the marriage. I don't think so.
This has been going on for a VERY long time.
Are you going to act?
ETA: You do realize, don't you, that gossip is the very least of your worries, right? What the neighbors, teammates' fathers, or ANYONE thinks is so inconsequential in the scheme of things, Sully.
When the hell is your kids' well-being--and YOURS-- going to matter as much as all of these...diversions?