[This message edited by HOLLOWHART at 9:29 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]
[This message edited by HOLLOWHART at 9:28 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]
I get it. Really. When you find out what was REALLY happening in your life...the reality sucks.
Let her swing in the wind.
Know in your heart that your were treated poorly by a selfish person that vowed to love and honor til' death.
It's hard to wrap your brain around that truth
Detach. She is going to the default mode...your her husband, you should take care of her. FTS!!
She basically fired you from that job when she decided to fuck that scumbag POSOM.
Detach, NC. Do it for You.
The more you allow yourself to remove your emotions from this shitfest the more clarity you will have.
Hugs to you man.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
And if you get an itch to communicate with her...
Scratch it here! Post and vent away. That is why we are here. BTDT in spades!!
We are listening and we care.
We are ready with compassionate ears and open hearts.
-she slept with you then asked for car funds..
-When that did not happen she asked you to con the OM..
- The OM Threatened suicide when you called and exposed the con..
She wants to take your son..her step son (?) to a motel that she may be sharing with OM while he is visiting?
No..just no. She seems like a class A manipulator and a person who only puts her own needs first. Putting her step son in the middle of this potentially volatile situation with a suicidal OM who she conned out of cash..is just in no way shape or form a good thing. Protect your son from this danger...
I know you dont think this woman who you love would ever endanger your son..but..
Let her actions not her words show you who she is..Even though it hurts like hell this is a gift. When you really start to see who a person is and not just who you want them to be they loose the power to hurt you, since you already know what they are about.
Anyway I just wanted to let you know..it does get better...and you are not alone
[This message edited by Selkie at 9:11 PM, November 28th (Thursday)]
I am sorry you are going through this. Stick with the 180....don't veer off it. Take care of yourself and your children.
Think about it this way. What if one day your son came to you and said his wife had an affair and asked him to help con her bf/om out of money to get a new car? What would you tell him to do?
Not only is she not remorseful or even regretful about the A, she has even stopped having the A.
I hope you have gotten tested for STDs.
She is using you. It won't stop until you say it stops. Every time she comes around and you allow her trickery to get under your skin, you end up hurt.
Please 180. For real. No more intimate get togethers, no more helping her with things (cause she has a boyfriend now to do those things for her). Just stop.
Time to take care of you.
[This message edited by PurpleRose at 10:50 PM, November 28th (Thursday)]
I think I will start the Divorce paperwork this week.
She is manipulating you, using the fact that you love her and need her. She came over and let you have sex with her so she could ask you for money. Then she asked you to help her get money from the OM. She is manipulating him.
Think about this. Do you really want to be with a woman like this?
I don't think so. Once you get over your loving feelings for who she used to be, you will feel much better being away from the person she is today.
180. 180. 180. Don't let her close to you. Stay away from her. Keep your children away from her. She is toxic. She will mess your children's minds up if they have to live with crazy all their young lives.
Put a buffer zone around yourself.
dude, for fuck's sake. Just stop.
You are in a tornado of pain and destruction. It's going to suck you down with it unless you step away from the vortex. What you need to be doing now is watching the storm from behind a big piece of safety glass. When you're not being hit by debris and can hear yourself think, you are going to be glad you are not caught up in it. It's going to be incredible to watch - as long as you are not in the middle of it.
That safety glass is the 180, which you are still not getting.
First two by four. You are using the 180 as a tool to produce an emotional reaction in your wife. When it's not working you are making up stories to do the same. I understand why you are doing it, but it's got to stop. That's like removing the safety glass, walking up to the tornado and flapping your arms to make it go faster. We already know your wife is bat shit crazy. We're pretty sure now the OM is equally crazier than a shit house rat. That leaves you. It's decision time. Do you want to me the adult in this fucking shit storm, or do you want to get sucked into it and be as crazy as the pair of them?
Next two by four. With due respect, what the fuck are you doing having sex with a woman who has admitted to having sex with an another man and for all your know has been having sex with other men since she met you. You need to get to a hospital as soon as possible and have a full screen for STDs. Seriously. This board is littered with people who now carry diseases through no fault of their own.
The 180 is not designed to force an emotional reaction in another person. It's designed to produce a piece of emotional safety glass that will allow you to watch the carnage from afar whilst healing yourself without fear. At the moment, you are in the centre of the tornado. You are being hit by debris from all sides, and buffeted to and fro. You probably don't know which way to turn or what will hit you next. That's a horrible situation, and we have all been there. But know this...
You cannot LOVE her out of her affair. You cannot REASONABLE her out of her affair. You cannot FRIGHTEN her out of her affair.
You cannot stop a tornado by being nice to it, explaining the pointlessness of it's actions, or shouting at it. The only thing you can do is decide that things are too dangerous for you and run for shelter.
That's the 180. So go and read it, again. Become the emotional ice block. Even if you are faking it. No more breaking down in front of her. No more chats, texts, plans, schemes, bullshit. You shouldn't be in the same room as her long enough to get upset, never mind have sex. Go running, go to the gym, go for a walk, but for the love of christ walk away from the tornado.
It's your love for your wife that is keeping you there. I know that. Kudos to you for trying to do the right thing, and respect to you for the pain you have been willing to endure, doubtless in the hope that it will all end soon. But know this. Your marriage, at least as you knew it, is over. Done. History. You are living with a person who has no regard for your health, your physical or emotional safety. That person is emotionally abusing you. They are destroying the home and family you loved. They are destroying the security that your family relies on. that person is no longer your soul mate, your partner, your souse, your friend. That person is your worst enemy. That person knows how to manipulate you and is using you to get what they want.
Whether you let it work is up to you. Walk away. When you get out of the whirlwind you will start to see things a little more clearly. You'll realise you are risking your life by sleeping with her. You'll realise you need to see a lawyer as soon as possible and find out your options.
Have a read of the following paragraph.
My wife started behaving weirdly a little while back. She started joking about having a boyfriend. I played along and he started describing him. This freaked me out a bit but when she asked me if I would like to see a picture I felt my soul dying as I realised it was true. She showed me pictures, and told me how wonderful he was, and I realised he was having a sexual affair with another man. She's trying to borrow money form me because she spent so much on her and going to see this other guy. You won't believe this, but my head was so fucked up that I agreed with a plan to deceive the other man, and I pretended to be someone I wasn't on the phone to try and embezzle money from him and his family. It didn't work. I feel like I'm dying inside, and going crazy. She's still in her affair and seeing the other guy I think. I know for a fact they are still talking anyway. Believe it or not, I'm still sleeping with her too. In the middle of this we have a kid. Anyway, She's moved out, sort of, but keeps texting me and coming round to the house. She fucking with my emotions left and right and I don't know what to do.
Now imagine that paragraph was written by your best friend, someone you have known and cared about since you were a child. He comes to you and sits down in your house and begs you for no bullshit, straight up man to man advice. What would you tell him to do, because when I think about that situation, I'd be going round to his house to help him throw the crazy bitch out. thebn I'd make him sit down with his son and explain that he still loves him very much and that things may change but it will all be ok in the end. And then I'd drive my best mate kicking and screaming to the nearest decent divorce lawyer and start the process of freeing himself from the crazy bitch.
[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 3:56 AM, November 29th (Friday)]
Peace, strength and clarity to you in the coming days.
D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
Working on Re