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Newest Member: whatdoido21 (45321)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Devastation-Please help
♂ Member
Member # 32232
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are driving this bus now! Her attempts to hug, sleep, talk with you, etc. are her attempts to get you out of the seat and her back to driving. She is not trying to anything for you. It is a about her. You must be better at the 180 than she is at manipulating. Hit the gas, friend.

Posts: 718 | Registered: May 2011
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dealing with this is a process, pain, anger, disbelief... there's no denying it, no quick fix. It helps to read through the acknowledged stages of grieving, as that's what you're doing, grieving.

It's common to cycle through all the stages, and more than once, in no particular order.

Certainly, keeping busy helps, but nothing will actually take it away, time will definitely lessen it though.

I promise, you will feel better than you do right now, but it takes time.

As for your WW.... please, for your own mental health, and that of your children, have as little contact with her as you possibly can. You can't fix crazy, and what she's been doing is just that, crazy. She's also attracting more crazy around her (OM's comments for example).

Look what she's just manipulated you into doing, lying, tricking and deceiving... you've been pulled into doing the same crazy stuff that she does.

You're better than that.

The only reason for contact should be joint finances, if your children aren't also her children, then she doesn't need to be informed of anything to do with them. Protect your kids, who knows what she'll fill their heads with.

Be prepared for her to try and keep contact, keep you on the hook as her Plan B, her fantasy world with OM will explode, nothing surer. Please don't let this happen, you don't need more pain, more destruction.

Her relationship with him is based on lies and deceit, nothing solid. Once their "secret" isn't a secret any more, and they realize they're just two messed up people with nothing in common, the attraction will fade fast

I know you're hurting, I know this isn't how you thought things would turn out, this stuff is never easy, but this is what you have to deal with and I'm sorry you find yourself here.

It's time for you to indulge in self-care. The best thing right now is to be as close to NC as is humanly possible. Your WW is on a downward spiral, don't let her drag you down too, it's a long way back up.

Take care of yourself man, start making smart decisions, NC NC NC... give yourself the opportunity to process all that's happened, without her adding more mess, and make a plan for you and the kids going forward.

I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Apr 2009
New Member
Member # 41305
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My god you guys...thank you so much for keeping me in line with the 180. great stuff hard yards. WW stopped by this morning and tried to take my son and I told her again, no,,,not until OM is gone.. I wont tell her who the babysitter is cuz she'll just go and pick him up. she just doesn't get it. I keep telling her im not trying to keep our son away from her,,just away from this situation. Im protecting my son. I know nothing about this guy other than he claims to be suicidal. she texted me tonight threatening to call the cops on me. I told her to put herself in my shoes. what if I was cheating on her with some bimbo she didn't know,screwing in a hotel room I wont disclose to her? Would she allow my son to come over and hang out? OF COURSE NOT!! she probably would have called the cops or worst. Boy you guys here are so right. shes not thinking rationally. totally in a fog. making some really bad decisions. in some ways, its making it easier to let her go, after seeing how cruel and selfish she is. Right now I JUST NEED TO PROTECT MY CHILD. she even accused me of not wanting to let him over there because Im afraid my son might like OM better than me. swear to god she said that. what a piece of work im dealing with here. if i'm wrong in not letting our son go over there with them..somebody please tell me.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Nov 2013
New Member
Member # 41305
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also need to stop getting into these text battles with her,,,,i know its breaking the 180. I think I need to just be abrupt with her and then shut it down. same when she comes over here. I know she'll be back in the morning to harass me some more.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Nov 2013
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You cannot lock her out BUT...You can add a lock to the door. That's legal.

NC HH. Just give her crickets...nothing.

...she even accused me of not wanting to let him over there because Im afraid my son might like OM better than me.

Stupid and juvenile. What a shitty thing to say! She is showing you who she really is...believe her.

NC, nothing, nada, zilch. No Responses from you.

And remember this:
NC= no new hurts. She can only have access to you is you let her in. Block her and lock her out so that she cannot just run up on you. Would you let your enemy have complete access to you?

Ditch her!

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
New Member
Member # 41305
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get veering off. What makes it tougher is that we share a child, so I never can make a clean break. Everytime I see her all that hurt just resurfaces. I'm also concerned if she sticks with this bum..she might try to take my kid with her...he lives on the other side of the country. Hopefully I can do something in court to prevent that from happening. I wish I could just escape from this living nightmare.

Posts: 25 | Registered: Nov 2013
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, November 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn man I'm sorry to see you here dealing with this shit. I may have missed it from the get go but have you blown this affair out of the water?

Let her parents, friends, and family all know what she is up to? This alone may bring enough shame to her and wake her up all at the same time. I saw that you said she posted pics of her and the OM on FB so maybe it wouldn't matter.

I get that you love this crazy woman, as I love my wife still even though she ripped my heart out. I have a remorseful wife and I still don't know if I can get over all that she has done. I feel mostly like it was a deal breaker but am giving it some time before I pull the plug because we have small children together.

I understand the feeling of wanting to go to her and take her in your arms in spite of all that she has done. Keep up that 180 man and do not show any weakness to her. I am only about 6 months or so from my D Day and don't have much advice to give but it sounds like your handling your business the right way.

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 616 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
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