She may be accusatory, but don't you take any of that on. Do what you need to protect yourself. She ended the marriage when she cheated. You're not the bad guy.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
I tried for months to 'nice' her back. And in the end, I had to be the one to pull the trigger and file for D.
Stay strong, brother.
Shouldn't she be moving heaven and earth to let you know how important this is to her and to fix?
Shouldn't you be made to feel like the hero? The prize?
Go off to your own IC. You can't attend MC with someone wearing a blindfold.
Activate a 180 and get moving with YOUR life...do it, it feels GOOD!
She sent a NC and even forwarded his response. She cried openly when I told her how affected I am by the affair (sorry, not ready to trivialize that word with a letter just yet). I have seen nothing on her phone or email recently. She asks what she can do to prove she is being faithful.
I have seen a glimmer of hope, but I still can't help but wonder what anonymail or burn phone I haven't found yet. Is their affair really over? Has she moved on to some new guy? Am I just being stupid in trying to forgive only to be burned again? Distancing and going my own way is the root of the marital problem, a 180 sounds like a terrible idea. Will MC help her own up to her responsibility for the affair or is it doomed before it starts?
I thought I was one badass camper before this. I'm learning that I ain't so tough.
If she isn't willing to take full and absolute responsibility for the affair I don't see how things could change.
What you need to do now is make your own healing a priority. No matter which way your M goes, you must be number one. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst is always a good piece of advice. And don't be too proud or embarrassed to seek help if you need it. I too thought of myself as a tough guy. I have seen some pretty nasty shit in my days. But this infidelity shit threw me for a loop. It took me many months to accept the fact that I needed help. I sought IC and got on some meds. Things changed for the better for me after that. Don't make the same mistakes I did in allowing my XWW to run the show and not getting myself the help I needed. Infidelity can and does destroy not only marriages, but ones entire life as well. Careers are lost, children are damaged, financial ruin etc. are all byproducts of infidelity. There is not enough booze in the world to make this go away. You can knock out 100 dudes and still your gonna feel the same way. But what does that get you ? You become a drunk and wind up in jail. So don't sweat it because your feeling weak. We all go through that and its perfectly normal.
Just try and take care of yourself. Your in no rush to make a decision. Figure out what it is that you want to do. Once you do that stay the course till the end. I'm sorry you find yourself here. But this is a great place to be. Please keep posting and reading. It really does help.
[This message edited by stronger08 at 12:26 PM, November 15th (Friday)]