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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How long is too long for online chatting??
AussieMum
♀ Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met this guy online and we started chatting in early Oct - he seems lovely and we've both shared information about our situations, had lots of laughs and teasing, we seem to get on just great. It's now Nov 11 and we're still 'just chatting'.... getting a little frustrated. I know the obvious answer is to just ask him for a coffee but I worry this will scare him off.

If he wasn't interested, why would he share LOTS of information about his kids and his past with me? Maybe he's just wary of going down this new path, although his profile says he's 'ready to let someone close'. Maybe just not me?

What's the usual timeframe between chatting and actually meeting? I realise that depends on all sorts of factors, but I'm starting to feel as though I'm wasting my time, as much as I like him!


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
259
♀ Member
Member # 22860
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I like to meet quite early on because when I've done the long drawn out chat thing I seem to get attached to who I think they are. Then when we do finally meet he will be nothing like I thought

but everyone is different. I think you should do what you are comfortable with. and what would be the harm in a coffee date? At least you would then know if you want to continue or not.

good luck


Me = FBS
Him = gone


things that happen in my life do not define who I am. I get to choose to be the best I can be, for me. cause I'm worth it.


Posts: 286 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: my happy place (most of the time)
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I usually prefer to meet someone quickly as opposed to chatting or texting a lot. Every time there has been weeks and weeks of IM or texting before meeting face to face the guy has been a huge disappointment, if he showed up at all.

If you have been corresponding for more than 2 weeks and have had lots of deep conversations but have not tried to meet up, my guess is the guy has no intention of meeting.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49448 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
worried_lady
♀ Member
Member # 27605
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was on OLD I wouldn't text or chat too much without setting a meeting. I felt it created a false sense of intimacy and closeness and I seemed to be disappointed when I met them and they sure did not look like their picture and did not appear to be what they presented. This false sense of closeness clouded what I knew I was wanting and would make me feel bad about then having to say something along the lines of "it was nice to meet you but we are not a match"

It always bothered me when 1st talking to somebody and then the next day they might text something like " I miss you"....really how the hell could you miss me, you don't know me. They would send texts like "just thinking about you"..... Really we have just talked on the phone. See it seems to me to build up that false sense that there is a connection before there really is a connection and then feelings get confused.

Just my $.02


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.

Posts: 456 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Texas
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had it happen too…liked someone then met in person and there was nothing "there". I hold guys off until meeting them. I think it is a little suspicious that he hasn't asked to meet you. Most guys want to meet quickly...


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4038 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
missherlots
♂ Member
Member # 30591
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe here is your answer:

Me 45
STBXH 50
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. He's now living with OW3.


just a thought,

my two cents


Pain and suffering is part of life, but I choose to feel love and compassion for all people excluding no one.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Jan 2011
AussieMum
♀ Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, November 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone.

missherlots - I know it does seem like I'm jumping into this very quickly post-separation, however it was well and truly over for a very long time before he actually moved out. Here in Australia, we also have to wait 12 months before we can apply for divorce. The guy I am chatting too is in a similar situation - very much 'moved on' from his previous r/ship and waiting for the 12 mth mark to get divorced.

I do feel as though I'm more than ready to dip my toe into OLD and meet new people. I'll certainly be taking it very slowly.

worried-lady - yes! all this messaging does tend to create a false sense of closeness.

I think I will be suggesting a meet and greet pretty soon so I know one way or the other whether it's worth pursuing.


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, November 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you frighten him off by asking him to coffee, he's pretty dang skittish!! Ask him, be brave, you can do this!!

My "usual time frame" has gotten shorter the longer I've been OLD. It used to be a two weeks or three of chatting in emails, then a phone call, then a date. Now, if I'm interested and want to meet, I'll suggest a time and a place withing the first 10 days or so. I've been disappointed too many times too...great on paper, great conversation on line, and just not my type in person...c'est la vie...


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3013 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 8

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