I have slowly replaced her, for as many things as possible, with my friends, acquaintances, and online friends. The only things I haven't replaced are wife and lover. Some day, I'll have somebody new for those as well.
Eventually, you won't think about wanting to tell him these things. Until that happens though, yes, it really does hurt.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
Eventually you will meet someone again and all the things that you wanted to tell him, you will be able to tell someone else. In the meantime share with your family and friends that care about you. (((Hugs)))
"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana
I have been M almost 40 yrs!! So he has been my go-to guy my whole life, since HS.
Now when I have something to share I think "wait a minute, it's a waste of time" so I don't.
I am sorry about your tbx's gramma.
I'm guessing this is just another one of those things that takes a ton of time but does get better. (ughhh). Letting go of that old language with him to make room for a new one with other people - friends, family, ourselves.