It's only just now starting. I've been the BW in a 22 yr marriage, a BGF in a 3 yr relationship, and am now a BGF again. I've been through this before, and to find myself in it again is almost unbearable. You need to keep feeling your BW's pain.
How long has she known?
Are you being completely transparent and honest now?
Where does you BW stand?
Are you both trying to R?
There are so many things you need to be doing. Read here, and learn. Don't wait for your wife to tell you what to do. If you truly feel remorse and want to make things work... you must take the initiative.
Also, has she joined this site? I know it's hard for both sides to allow the other to view what's been written, and then the responses. But it's been a life saver for me, as a B. And while it's hard to read sometimes, you just have to learn to take the advice that applies to you, and respect the ones that don't. Everyone here is hurting, and I truly believe we all mean well.
I wish you and your family some better times, with the holidays ahead.