How was he able to just walk away without even looking back. I'm having a hard time tonight. Hell I've been having a hard time all year. I still can't believe this is were I am...that I am getting a divorce.
He never said anything, or even acted like he was unhappy before the day I found out. I honestly had no clue, and neither did my kids.
Hell, the night I had found about the affair he had just came back from being with her, and when he got home he got into our bed pulled me into his arms and told me he loved me....4 weeks later he asked for a divorce and never looked back. I was just thrown away. 24 years and he was done, and for someone he said he just started talking to 3 months before.
It's been a year now since that night, and other than those four weeks after I found out, and when he was saying he wanted to stay and he loved me...I now know he never stopped seeing her....not once has he said he wants me back...he is just gone.
He wants nothing to do with me, and has very little to do with the kids, he barley sees them. He wasn't like that before. I could maybe understand it more if it wasn't for the way he treats the kids. He was a good dad and they meant the world to him, but ever since he moved in with her, he barley has anything to do with them. He won't even help me with any issues I have regarding them....so I just don't even try anymore. How is she more important than they are to him. That he gives up seeing them and being their dad to be with her.
I just don't understand any of it, and I know I probably never will. And I have read enough on here to know it wasn't my fault, that it not me, but it sure as hell feels like it was me, cause he is still with her, and I don't get what is so special about her. That he would throw everything away just for her, how do you not take that personally, how do you not feel like you must have been an awful person to have to live with.
The woman he is with is a bigger lier than he is, and that's saying something. She is now going through her third divorce thanks to their affair, and she has been engaged more times than that. She told my stbx that she was cheated on by one of her husbands...lie. She told her current husband that she was divorced when they started seeing each other...lie. She continued to stay with her current husband for 4 more months after we had split, then she separated from him, but still kept stringing him along till I finally figured out who he was and told him....and that was 5 months after they had separated! He didnt know about the affair and he didn't even know that she was living with my husband, and had been from the day she moved out, he thought they were still going to be able to work things out. As he told me....she went to great lengths to keep my stbx well hidden from him.
I just don't get what it is about her. I know or have been told that she makes way more money than I do, and we were having financial problems since he hadn't worked for almost a year, but she is older than me, and not anymore attractive than I am....from what pictures I have seen of her on Facebook. I am not perfect by any means but I am honest, loyal, and I have always stood by him....I took care of the finances, the house, the kids, and him, and for everything I have done....I get thrown away without a backwards glance, and am now treated like I never existed.
How do the last 24 years just mean nothing, how do you say I love you one day and then I don't the next, how can I mean nothing, and why can't I just let go like he did. It has been a year since that night, and even though the pain is not as consuming as those first few months....it is still here and I can't get it to go away.
Sorry that was so long, it's just been such a long hard year, and I still can't believe that this has happened, and this is were I am. I know there really are no answers, I just really hate my life some days and this is one of them.
I just wish I could move on as fast as he seems to and it kills me that I can't considering all the shit he has put me through this last year, but mostly, I just wish that I had meant something to him.