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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: O-L-D and cheesy one-liners...share yours!
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some years ago, a woman I was dating was walking down a street in NYC. Suddenly, a homeless guy lying in a doorway shouted to her, "Hey lady, you got something on your butt... my eyes."

I think this line is brilliant and now use it routinely. It works less than 1 out of 100 times, but it is so crude and juvenile, and I find it so funny (best if delivered ala Bill Murray in Caddyshack) that I really do not care. Whatever alley that homeless guy is currently lying in, I thank him and definitely owe him a drink.


Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Teabag
Oh, good lord.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

OMG. I had to read that twice


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I briefly had an OLD profile but quickly took it down because I'm definitely not ready to weed through the crap!

This first one is more bat-shit crazy than cheesy but..

"Hi! You're cute. It's a beautiful day, do you want to meet up for a hike"

Ummm..sure nameless STRANGER! Let's meet up in a secluded spot in the wilderness. I'll even help you find a great spot to bury my body, assuming you haven't already picked one!


"Just thought I'd say hello even though I'm sure you don't go for guys like me."

Ew. Take that passive-aggresive, self-depreciating B.S. somewhere else! I've had my fill of that with my ex. I used to think that this was how "nice" and "humble" guys talk but now I know better.

"You are intimidatingly beautiful." <-that's it.

Uhhhhh..thanks?!


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
PhoenixRising88
♀ Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about "Do you have a boyfriend? No? Are you taking applications?"


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 429 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
PhoenixRising88
♀ Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, November 17th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX and I were talking yesterday and he's all 'It's been so long since I've been on the dating scene, maybe you'll need to give me some pointers or ideas.'

To which I smiled and replied, "Just use whatever bullshit lines you fed your little girlfriend, those seemed to work well."


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 429 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Your smile is hard to stop looking at. That may be cheesy but its true." Thanks for helping me identify the cheese factor, Mr. 28 year OLD guy.

And this notification from another OLD site this morning makes my heart all aflutter, "oralmaster54 wants to meet you"... I don't even want to know what his opening line might be!!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had one last week that had me

I am 43, he was 58, out of my age range, and even the photos were a little creepy…

"Hello my name is D love chance know you over glass of wine and dinner (name of restaurant) in (city) Saturday nite at six"

Then, when I didn't respond within an hour, he switched restaurants:

"Hello you like meet (different restaurant) glass of wine would not mind that at six"

Then, I blocked him.

I wonder if he was waiting for me?? I wonder if women really DO meet him?


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

OMG. I had to read that twice

Me too!!!!

But he gets bonus points for creativity!!!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2178 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

YUCK...I hated Economics...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The user names are sometimes worse than the profiles.

I read them now to provide comedic relief AND remind me the quality of people has seriously declined

Worse I read......in his profile mind you. How much he loved oral sex and was very proficient in his craft. ( didn't know one could obtain a proficiency rating). Oh, and not to mention he was 70 years old and user name had the number 69 in it. Oh how original was he? Such a catch. Huh?

No OLD profile for me. My WH had one for 10 yrs, he was looking for the love of his life ( during our 35 yr marriage). His ass was looking for a wife. Bigamy much? Omg


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I briefly noodled on OLD before SO and saw some of these but never responded. To anyone.

I think my favorite was "I see you live in XYZ. I live in ABC. Would you consider relocating?" Sure, dude I don't know! I'll totally move me and the bunch JUST FOR YOU! (PS: I didn't live in XYZ, anyway. I wasn't about to put my real location. )


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15414 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The user names are sometimes worse than the profiles

Yep. A much older guy was trying to message me and his user name is "daddy."

That just creeps me out to no end...and his pic looked like he was a creeper...

Delete...delete...delete...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1191 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Topic Posts: 33
Pages: 1 · 2

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