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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 5
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And if she circumvents me again and essentially just takes the children, I will repeat my actions: let it go rather than upset the children, but follow up with a memorializing email.

I don't know if i would continue to give up your stance on the weekends that you want to have the kids.

but then, i am also not there in your shoes. My fear is that she will say "look, I have had them every weekend so far, why change that now?"

If you are going to put your foot down, keep it down. The more you lift your foot, the more she will use it to walk all over you.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fear is that she will say "look, I have had them every weekend so far, why change that now?"

That is what I suspect will happen. And the judge will agree.

ABD, I sure hope your lawyer knows this particular judge very well.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sure hope your lawyer knows this particular judge very well.

She does, NG, and assures me he is "very fair and very decisive."


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regarding Call of Duty:

Your WW told her atty: He is ALWAYS on the TV playing COD, and he has a girlfriend.

Atty is being led around a ring with a lasso and will not be happy when he realizes your WW is lying to him!!!!

Keep in the back of your mind, that this may not go to court. Both of our attys wanted to settle before the D. Her atty is trying to find stuff to use for leverage....Again,,, wait till he realizes she is lying to him! Atty's get really angry over that kind of stuff!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2216 | Registered: Jan 2012
wewillmakeit
♂ Member
Member # 26290
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her desperate suggestion that I am playing video games while I should be watching the kids????

Did she ever play with AP when she should have been attending to the kids?

Which is more disruptive to kid's lives - video games or adultery?


Posts: 265 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And btw....ignore ANY allegations that she makes towards you in regards to your online activities. Don't acknowledge them AT ALL.

Agreed. I don't think this is going to be a real issue, but I would not offer your playtimes. I know it's hard - -I'm the first person to shoot myself in the foot by being overly forthcoming. She's playing dirty. You're going to play clean with the truth on your side and come out on top. Just don't try to be the nice guy and hand them ANYTHING they can twist.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did she ever play with AP when she should have been attending to the kids?

Of course! Before I caught her, after I caught her (she left the home overnight several times to be with him prior to her formally moving out) and numerous times she has been with the kids she has employed sitters, leaving them for hours while she went to be with him.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sure, if you give us a log of what percentage of your visitation has included an AP and the percentage of your visitation that has been covered by babysitting.

Maybe even the childcare qualifications and 'Working with Children' background checks that you did on these babysitters before employing them to ensure that you weren't exposing the kids to predators.

I would not give her a fucking thing without getting something back.

I'm surprised your L is agreeing to it. It is ridiculous. I know these games are super addictive but, seriously - she is clutching at straws.

The desperate actions of a desperate deadbeat mum. Don't let this rattle you, AD. She wants you to react to this to use it against you.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm surprised your L is agreeing to it.

Now you've got me worried I made the wrong decision is telling her to agree. But again, she believed it is utterly frivolous and would prove nothing at all. All they would have is a bunch of hours in which I was logged in coinciding with the times I had the kids.

So what? And therefore? To claim that I was actively playing this game and not watching the kids is such a leap, it seems to me--and to my attorney. The records of me logging time online is meaningless. For that matter "someone" might have been logged on using my account. It could have been a friend, my brother, or nobody since if I don't log out it shows that I am "on" but not necessarily playing.

They would have to have cameras installed in my home showing me playing games--and while what occurred? My kids played in the street while shooting heroin?

In any case, if they believe they have some damning evidence against me, you can bet I will bring out the big guns--subpoenas of actual eyewitnesses who for nine years have observed me and my impeccable, present parenting skills, and my wife absent, even when she was present (in addition to numerous obvious irresponsible and odd behaviors).

I still think I made the right decision and it will be laughed out of court. Can you imagine a celebrity divorce headline? "Angelina Jolie demands records from Activision to demonstrate Brad Pitt is an unfit father!"

But again, even having said all that, I am worried--these days I am worried about everything. Even if I'd said no, I'd be worried about the blowback of that. I find I am living in dread that my hopes are way too high and she will get everything: our children, our home, my money. All that she left me, and now she will finish me off.

[This message edited by Abbondad at 9:23 PM, November 15th (Friday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The point is that you don't WANT to bring out the big guns. You don't want to make this nasty and ugly and uber-expensive. Sure, you can let her play her stupid subpoena games and *agree* to it....OR you can tell your lawyer to call her lawyer and say *WTF are you doing?*

Your goal is not to get in a pissing match with her over *who* can prove *what*. Your goal is to get divorced, in the most economical fashion possible, with the least amount of upheaval to the kid's lives. Period.

The beauty of the anonymous online forum (which also applies to your online call of duty play) -- is just that....it is anonymous. At this point in time, you are still married. So don't be so quick to *agree* to your stbxww spending marital funds on frivolous legal *reaches*. Make your L challenge that dumb shit.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8088 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So did I screw up in telling my lawyer to go ahead and let them subpoena the records? It's already been done. She already wrote back to him a few days ago. Now I am rather anxious.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
crisp
♂ Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Discovery in our courts is not a situation where one side has the latitude to agree to the information sought by the other side. She has a right under the Rules of Civil Procedure to "discover" information from a variety of sources. Your attorney may object and seek to quash a subpoena or deny access to information for certain reasons. Those reasons may include "not likely to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence," "unduly burdensome," privacy or harassment issues.

It is generally not a good thing to obstruct discovery without very good cause. DO NOT piss off the judge if you can avoid it. They hate silly discovery disputes. If you do seek to quash this subpoena, make sure you and your attorney have thought it out fully and it makes sense in an overall strategy.

[This message edited by crisp at 5:53 AM, November 16th (Saturday)]


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 410 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So don't be so quick to *agree* to your stbxww spending marital funds on frivolous legal *reaches*. Make your L challenge that dumb shit.

It is generally not a good thing to obstruct discovery without very good cause.

Again, I am confused and now rather anxious.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think your first instincts are on target, don't bother quashing it, at this point it'll look like you have something to hiss, instead follow your lawyers advice, and go from there. Your attorney knows the judge, knows your case, they are the expert here.


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 868 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust the lawyer but don't hesitate to say "I don't want to waste time or money on frivolous things."

I wonder what she is trying to get away with while you toil away focusing on this new thing she threw at you. Is this her pattern, throw something stupid at you so you are busy with that, all the while she is doing something way worse? Only you will know that but my point is don't get distracted by the fly buzzing around the big pile of crap you might step into.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 738 | Registered: Feb 2011
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bottom line -- don't sweat it. Like crisp said -- you can't/couldn't stop her from filing it. My main point is to just make sure that your L knows that you feel strongly that this avenue your stbxww is pursuing is frivolous and stupid (for lack of a better word).


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8088 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I have to stop trying to figure her out and analyze our marriage and all that, but I have had a realization: As you know, they rewrite the marriage to justify their actions. Well, there was not much for her to rewrite, as it was quite a happy one.

But one of the things she always cited as evidence of what a bad father and husband I suddenly had always been was that I played video games too much.

(This always made my jaw drop: "That's it? That's one of the reasons I made you have an affair? I guess I should have been going to strip clubs instead?")

So I guess that part of this is her still rewriting. I suspect she always will.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But one of the things she always cited as evidence of what a bad father and husband I suddenly had always been was that I played video games too much.

Damn, had I known how bad your addiction was, my advise to you would have been VERY different!

Common tactic in contested custody cases. Throw as much sh*& as you can at the wall and hope something sticks. If and when her atty realizes that this is all she's got. I've got a feeling that there's going to be some desperate last minute negotiation.

Doing good. Keep calm, carry on.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2995 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Discovery in our courts is not a situation where one side has the latitude to agree to the information sought by the other side. She has a right under the Rules of Civil Procedure to "discover" information from a variety of sources. Your attorney may object and seek to quash a subpoena or deny access to information for certain reasons. Those reasons may include "not likely to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence," "unduly burdensome," privacy or harassment issues.
It is generally not a good thing to obstruct discovery without very good cause. DO NOT piss off the judge if you can avoid it. They hate silly discovery disputes. If you do seek to quash this subpoena, make sure you and your attorney have thought it out fully and it makes sense in an overall strategy.

This is true and what I've experienced too.

Completely separately Abbondad, you wouldn't have to subpoena your friends to testify about what a good dad you say you've been. You would just ask them to testify.

Lastly, this is all just noise. Ignore it. Let your attorney handle it. This is a lot of drama about nothing, and you're getting very worked up over it. Video games will not become the deciding factor in this case.

[This message edited by ChoosingHope at 3:17 PM, November 16th (Saturday)]


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