Sticking your head in the sand may be okay with you but it's not okay with most people in their marriages. My husband invited other people into our marriage. The other BS did nothing wrong by telling me. My husband was the betrayer, not the other BS. Sometimes, what you don't know CAN hurt you.

I don't like this entitlement of telling the BS's

Entitlement is an interesting way to put it.

I would have to say though that when the truth becomes "mine", I have a responsibility to those being affected by that truth. It is not at all what I would consider an entitlement.

I'm sorry that you feel burdened by your knowledge of the A.

It's a responsibility and burden that none of us "wanted", but are making the" best of".

At any rate, MPK, I am glad you feel better, just making the decision to tell the BS was agonizing for you. You did the best you could...now that the BS has the info, she is free to use it the way she sees fit.
I think of giving important information in a similar fashion as I view giving an apology or a gift..once it's given, you let it go and expect nothing in return, while the other person is free to accept or reject.

(not even preview makes me a better editor: edited for typos!)

[This message edited by refuz2bavictim at 1:40 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

My H only had one A and I would not have believed it unless I found it myself.

Telling the BS is the right thing to do. It takes a lot of courage to do so. Someone who has been wronged by betrayal knows intimately how devastating the news is.

Kudos to you for doing the right thing. She may not like the news and try to shoot the messenger but at least she can make an informed choice.

I wish more people would have the cojones to speak out...And I would venture to say that the 40K+ here on SI would second that thought!

yes, AIDS...it is real. unfortunately, with a cheater....regardless of if they had one ap, or several....AIDS is a real thing. and while they were cheating....they thought nothing of your well being, or your family.

so, again...you did the right thing...know that. you helped some poor woman out there know the truth. and in the end, that is all that matters.

you got in her business...so what. she will be grateful later.

my husband's friend who told me about the cheating lost my h as a friend...a bestfriend. as a matter of fact, initially my h wanted to harm him. but who cares? he just told the truth. he butted in...he got in our business...and for that i say to him to this day....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

[This message edited by sri624 at 12:46 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

Personally, I think you did the right thing. She might not appreciate it right now but hopefully it puts a seed in her mind and she looks into it.

A stranger telling me my H was having an affair? It would have been shocking, but I would certainly have started prying (having been blindly trusting) which would have blown it wide open, the evidence wasn't hard to find. I would have been so grateful.

The new BS will probably cool down and start digging, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

[This message edited by overandone at 6:48 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]