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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Ridiculed by other BS
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I disagree with you, Dreamland. My husband gave me an STD that I wouldn't have known to get checked for if it hadn't been for the other BS telling me about the affair. The affair had been over and I'd never have known that my health had been compromised by a disease that had the potential to kill me.

Sticking your head in the sand may be okay with you but it's not okay with most people in their marriages. My husband invited other people into our marriage. The other BS did nothing wrong by telling me. My husband was the betrayer, not the other BS. Sometimes, what you don't know CAN hurt you.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
3 kids

DD#1: 3/18/2003
DD#2: 9/28/2010 with a follow up on 1/28/2011 where he decided to come clean about the EA actually being a PA.

The OW could have been anybody and both turned out to be nobody special.


Posts: 3787 | Registered: Sep 2005
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't like this entitlement of telling the BS's

Entitlement is an interesting way to put it.

I would have to say though that when the truth becomes "mine", I have a responsibility to those being affected by that truth. It is not at all what I would consider an entitlement.

I'm sorry that you feel burdened by your knowledge of the A.

It's a responsibility and burden that none of us "wanted", but are making the" best of".


At any rate, MPK, I am glad you feel better, just making the decision to tell the BS was agonizing for you. You did the best you could...now that the BS has the info, she is free to use it the way she sees fit.
I think of giving important information in a similar fashion as I view giving an apology or a gift..once it's given, you let it go and expect nothing in return, while the other person is free to accept or reject.

(not even preview makes me a better editor: edited for typos!)

[This message edited by refuz2bavictim at 1:40 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)]


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2360 | Registered: Jan 2010
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry! My first double post!!!!!

[This message edited by refuz2bavictim at 1:41 AM, November 13th (Wednesday)]


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2360 | Registered: Jan 2010
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H only had one A and I would not have believed it unless I found it myself.

Telling the BS is the right thing to do. It takes a lot of courage to do so. Someone who has been wronged by betrayal knows intimately how devastating the news is.

Kudos to you for doing the right thing. She may not like the news and try to shoot the messenger but at least she can make an informed choice.

I wish more people would have the cojones to speak out...And I would venture to say that the 40K+ here on SI would second that thought!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

at the end of the day....to me it really doesnt matter who the messenger is upon the discovery of the a...as long as it is discovered. more power to the BS for stepping up and letting another BS know. i dont care if it was my husband's best friend, his dad, co worker, 3rd cousin on his dad's side, twice removed, or the dog....at least somebody told me. my h sure wasnt going to tell me the truth about his double life of cheating on me. i have a RIGHT to know that my "happiness" was a bunch of crap, and i could be at risk for catching a std or AIDS.

yes, AIDS...it is real. unfortunately, with a cheater....regardless of if they had one ap, or several....AIDS is a real thing. and while they were cheating....they thought nothing of your well being, or your family.

so, again...you did the right thing...know that. you helped some poor woman out there know the truth. and in the end, that is all that matters.


you got in her business...so what. she will be grateful later.

my husband's friend who told me about the cheating lost my h as a friend...a bestfriend. as a matter of fact, initially my h wanted to harm him. but who cares? he just told the truth. he butted in...he got in our business...and for that i say to him to this day....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

[This message edited by sri624 at 12:46 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 1 baby
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bitchboots

Posts: 907 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
heme
Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before D-Day if someone had called me up, especially a lady I didn't know, and told me that my husband was having an affair I wouldn't have believed it. I use to believe I could trust my husband never to cheat on me.. However, if (in my case when) I found out it was true I would have been grateful for the heads up.

Personally, I think you did the right thing. She might not appreciate it right now but hopefully it puts a seed in her mind and she looks into it.


BS: Me (29)
WS: Husband (30)
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
Children: 4, ages 6, 4, 2, and 11 months.

Posts: 73 | Registered: Sep 2013
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did the right thing by telling. I found incriminating e-mails almost a year after my H stopped the A. Only one person knew, an old friend of my H's that I never see who lives miles away, my H used to stop at his place occasionally if he was travelling for work. I hardly know him, but he could easily have either told me, or put pressure on my H to stop. He knew no details, didn't want my H to tell him any, and gave vague disapproval. But if he'd had the courage to tell me I could have stopped it earlier. I've told my H he is not welcome in my house, anyone who knew what was happening and didn't try to stop it is not a friend of my marriage.

A stranger telling me my H was having an affair? It would have been shocking, but I would certainly have started prying (having been blindly trusting) which would have blown it wide open, the evidence wasn't hard to find. I would have been so grateful.

The new BS will probably cool down and start digging, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

[This message edited by overandone at 6:48 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 180 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that if I were that BS I would have been very thankful that you contacted me to let me know. I firmly believe that you did do the right thing!


ME: 53 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 1982 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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