But what is he doing breaking NC after 3 months of MC??
It doesn't make sense, surely your marriage should be the priority?
And he KEEPS on calling? Not just once but 8 times? He doesn't get it. He is continuing to be disrespectful to you.
180 and see a lawyer, he needs a MAJOR wake up.
So sorry you're going through this (((sjf)))
He broke it because he "needed closure"
He broke it because "she had a health scare"
He broke it because "I needed to keep her hanging on, just in case"
He broke it because "He missed chatting with her"
He broke it because "She contacted me first"
It took me a couple of months to feel strong enough, and to get out of my own fog enough, to demand it, and mean it.
I handed him my rings, told him to get out. That, was when he finally got that he was about to loose his wife, his home, his kids, hell he had already lost his job....That was when the true remorse came, that was when the real healing started.
There is a saying on here "Trust but verify" I hate it. Don't trust, the one thing he has proven to you is that he is not trustworthy, and that he is a sneaky devil. I prefer this phrase; Verify, Verify, Verify, snoop, snoop, snoop, Verify some more, after a bazillion times of finding nothing trust will come back. If he aint' happy with that to damn bad. He made his bed it's time for him to lie in it.
My husband was still foggy..for a really long time compared to others I read about. We're out of that, but it was horrific while it went on. I'm sorry.
Dday #3: 10/2011 I found out he had returned to the OW about 6 months into what I thought was R
Go big or go home, honey. Pull those bitch boots up so high they look like hip waders.
There is a saying on here "Trust but verify" I hate it. Don't trust, the one thing he has proven to you is that he is not trustworthy, and that he is a sneaky devil. I prefer this phrase; Verify, Verify, Verify, snoop, snoop, snoop
What Tushie said!!! I also dislike the "Trust but verify" phrase as it just doesn't work for me. Of course, YMMV.
For me, on DDay #1, WH *promised* that he wouldn't have any contact with her. I found out later that he called her 11 times the day after DDay#1, trying to get hold of her, and then a few times the next day until they finally connected by phone call. He had to "warn" her that I found out. He also conveniently 'doesn't remember' what he said to her about NC and throws out a "I told her you found out and it's over" or something. THEN he said she told him that if he wanted to call her, he could call and let it ring twice, then hang up and call again and she'd pick up. WTF ? ? ?
I lost it. He PROMISED. Yeah, he promised with his wedding vows too. I don't trust him at all. I tell him he taught me to supervise him, and I'm a really good student. He's not happy about this. Too freaking bad.
[This message edited by Hope2B at 9:43 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]
For my husband broken NC meant hefty bags.
All his shit went into trash bags and onto his parents front lawn. He was staying there so we could have some space and time.
Didn't take long for him to realize my bitch boots were firmly in place.
Guess who's the happy one now?
Broken NC = playing with your broken heart. Unforgiveable.
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
Then he started talking to her again near the anniversary of their first sex fest (approx 10 months post day), when we were doing some really rough work in MC. On the A and the timeline. This was it. I was the closest I ever got to leaving then. I did not leave, but I did tell him how I felt and that there were no more chances.
Please make sure this is a topic in MC. Disclosure actually came about in our MC session, when I asked a question about her based on my snooping the Internet about her activities. I had not discovered the broken NC. He figured i had and admitted to recontacting her. Our MC helped him see what he was doing and what he had done. His reason- she was going through a tough time with her work and her possible divorce, etc. and she only had him to turn to.... Really? Our M was on life support you stupid ass, and your wife- not your married ho, former affair partner- your wife- was going through a tough time- all because of your actions and choices.
So i didn't give up, but I reset my clock on trust and progress each time. He owes her nothing. He owes you everything. MC should be able to help navigate this, if they are good, and he is coming out of the fog. I have to say it wasn't until after that second broken no contact that my WH really got help, and realized he needed it. Real IC with a qualified professional. Part of that is about the particularity of our situation, part of it is about the short term IC he first had, and part if it is about his stubbornness. Also, we stopped MC at that point. Because he wasn't ready. If he could sit in there twice a week discussing the A and our M, while in contact with former AP, he wasn't ready. He was wasting my time and MC time.
Take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Be firm with him.
Married for over 14 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school