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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Huge life decision and I need some good karma and prayers please
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SB, your financial concerns were draining your energy, don't let a reasonable solution to those problems now cause you additional angst!


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 347 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UGH....I just did what I told myself NOT TO DO!!!! I was walking out the door for lunch from work to head to Wal-Mart to get the ingredients to make my dad my grandmother's sponge cake for his birthday tomorrow (its his favorite and my sister had forgotten it was his birthday so I bought a card for us both to sign). She texts me asking what my lunch plans were and I told her. I called her ON THE WAY to the store. She says, well, I thought you could come over and watch the baby while I take Sara home. (which makes no sense since she has a carseat!).

Here's the deal. My sister has had an "on again off again" toxic relationship with this girl Sara (who is LITERALLY half her age - 21 my sister is 42 going on 43 in January!) and they have had horrible fights that involve name-calling and low blow screaming fits for going on like 2 years now. They "officially" broke up in August and Sara moved out.... BUT...my sister has continually kept up texting and phone and email contact with this girl even when her best friend, family, and I have all told her to STOP and go NC!

Well, 2 days ago...Sara tells my sister she has a job interview and baits her into helping her get ready for it and thus my sister falls back into her usual bullshit routine and Sara ended up staying the last 2 nights (but according to my sister...they aren't together....she is just helping her because Sara's family won't and she is trying to better herself....my sister wants to save the world apparently OR APPEAR to). My sister didn't want her best friend to find out that Sara had been staying there because her best friend would have lit her up like a Christmas tree in anger! (good for her!)And, I hate being caught up in covering for her when she makes shitty choices and should know better when she would have never supported me if I had taken Piper's sperm donor back! She had yelled at me on many an occasion for even speaking to him but all I have ever done is support her in her decisions and tell her that she is an adult and she can make her own choices (i.e. mistakes). So, I rushed through the store in 15 minutes and got what I needed and called her back offering to come so she could take Sara home (again....making NO sense to me but not worth the fight).

When I called her back she was in a fit of self-pity and rage saying she wished she "could go home (heaven) and die and that she should never help anyone with anything because no one appreciates her" blah blah fucking blah! All of this because I didn't jump when she said jump immediately and drop my plans of getting ingredients for my SELFISH task of making my father his favorite cake for his birthday tomorrow...... So....I will admit it...I was tired of it and did what I should NOT have done....and told her over the phone of my solution to BOTH of our problems and stress!

She did what I knew she would do and said I should live with her in grandma's house! YEAH FUCKING RIGHT! Only if I wanted to be in my 1st ever WWE fight! I told her flat out that we have a difficult relationship now and argue all the time and living together would only make that worse! I told her grandma's house was not big enough (which is true) and dad has PLENTY of room and is on board with my decision. She tried to say....."Fine, I will move out and you can have grandmas house".... I told her I don't want it. Grandma wanted her to live there and said so on her death bed. She had her reasons and I respected her and will respect her wishes now. She said dad didn't want anyone living with him and I said that it would be an adjustment for us both but it would be over before he knew it. I had a comeback for everything she had and finally told her this was NOT a negotiation....this was me telling her what was going to happen. Period. Take it or leave it.

I know she doesn't like it. And, I really don't care. I've made up my mind and that's it. When she left to take Sara home.....I called my dad and warned him that the "cat was out of the bag" so to speak so that he could be prepared for her phone call. She will be a drama queen for a while.....but I am used to it.

I'm actually a little relieved to have it over with. The stress over contemplating that discussion with her was overwhelming me even just in this short time. I'm glad its done. Now if I can just survive the next 4 and a half months!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 12:16 PM, November 15th (Friday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All this drama is going on while Piper's in her care?

Yeah, you so need to get a new sitter lined up.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All this drama is going on while Piper's in her care?
Yeah, you so need to get a new sitter lined up.

I know. I told her that if she told me TODAY that she couldn't/wouldn't watch Piper anymore...I would be screwed because I would have nowhere to go because I don't have the money for childcare. That I need to have the means to go elsewhere if her health ever declined to the point where she couldn't watch her anymore (or truly if the drama got to the point where I was done dealing with her anymore...of which I didn't say). If I move in with dad, I will have that option.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was going to come here and be your biggest cheerleader ... until I read your concurrent post about 15-month Piper.

I won't be officially moving until March 1st because I want my tax return to help me get a storage unit set up, pay for the U-Haul and other expenses.

Have you considered a full-on job search? Now that the weather is getting colder, and slightly less time will be spent running, how about an intensive MY LIFE (and therefore Piper's LIFE) depends on finding a job with a larger salary!!

You've got until March 2014. Turn off Facebook. Turn off the dating sites (sorry!!) Turn off SI ... and climb that career ladder like your very life depends on it. Make that, rather than running, your focus.

See what's out there, Shelly.

You are lucky enough to have your Dad as Plan B, but why not make earning a larger salary Plan A?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are lucky enough to have your Dad as Plan B, but why not make earning a larger salary Plan A?

To be honest, I have looked for another job. And, in my city there just aren't any, even in other fields that I might be qualified in and even the ones that are out there are paying less than what I make. I'm lucky to have found the job I have with the salary I make now and my healthcare is stellar.....especially with all of this obamacare stuff going around. We won't be affected by it at all... I only pay $13 out of pocket a paycheck for healthcare for both of us.... you can't beat that! I haven't been on the dating sites in a couple of months. I've taken a break from that. No interest.

But, I am looking for another job....but I am very thankful for the position I have now and know that I am lucky to have it. I got this job when I was pregnant...and my boss was extremely understanding when I told her I was pregnant and then taking maternity leave not 8 months later....

I'm constantly looking but it took me 8 months after my layoff to find this position and I still have friends in my field that are still unemployed. Its really bad right now. But, I hear what you are saying and I have thought about that.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, I am looking for another job....

It's not cool to be emailing your resume on you lunch break. How about sending out one resume every evening from home?

Shelly, I dare you!


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not cool to be emailing your resume on you lunch break.

Of course I don't apply from work. I always do that stuff at home.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So that's a "no"?

Sending one resume an evening with the potential for a larger annual salary?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 49
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