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Newest Member: losingblindhope (44303)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How do you define self-care?
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On a recent post I received wonderful advice and support which included "self-care".

For me that always involves pasta or chocolate.
I work out frequently already.

What are some ideas about what to do when you are in need of self-care?


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1588 | Registered: Mar 2004
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I value quiet time. I make time for myself and sometimes I just go someplace lovely and sit. Sounds silly but its invaluable to me.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8407 | Registered: Apr 2008
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like pedicures and massages. Yoga. Words With Friends. Browsing at Savers. Getting a fancy coffee at Starbucks.

Basically anything that relaxes and restores me.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2570 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IC says "cocoon"…surround yourself with things you love to do. For me, it is shopping, reading a good book, hanging out with my friends, taking a walk, hot baths+glass of wine+good book=heaven

Do little things for yourself that bring you joy. Spoil yourself.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Dawn58
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great post. Self care - eating healthy, exercise, hikes in nature, laying on the warm sand at the beach, hot baths, time with friends and family. Lots of hot tea and when I have had a really rough day, comfort foods. My IC has told me to go get a massage, but have not done that yet.


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 465 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Paying attention to what your body needs (rest? exercise?), what your mind needs (quiet? diversion?), and what your emotional needs are (venting? soothing?) is key to self-care. And those needs change from day to day, hour to hour.

For me, self-care is doing the activities that feed my needs at the moment. Some days, that's curling up on the couch, checking out mentally, and streaming Netflix. Other times it's spending time with a friend doing something fun and active, or taking a leisurely bath with soothing music, or hiking in a local park, or tackling a long-neglected project that's been hanging over my head so I can clear it off the list.

It all about identifying what you need and meeting your needs. Making yourself a priority.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24437 | Registered: Aug 2011
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, it's shopping, reading, or just spending time with my dogs.

Things that make me feel cont ent.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7435 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've spent my life in self-denial. As a child it was literally beat into me that I don't deserve anything. So I'm still learning how to care for myself now as an adult. My barrier at this point is that many things which I might enjoy I cannot afford at this time. For me, I'm down to super basic things like just making sure I take my vitamins and drink enough fluids during the day. However, I have learned that I really like a caramel flavor in my instant coffee, so I now buy some flavoring to put in my morning coffee. It's what I can do to be good to myself.

I also really enjoy Netflix and talking with people. I've made a point to include real people in my life now, so I reach out and talk to people. Sounds so pathetic, but it's a very big deal for me.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9307 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doing absolutely nothing for 30 minutes a day.

Spending time with those you care about


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jul 2012
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My couch, a book and a glass of wine. Or watching science or history programs all evening long with a glass of wine.

A massage a month, a mani/pedi every other week, stopping and smelling the roses once in a while and spending quality time with my BFF.

Taking 15 minutes at night and sitting on my deck to watch the sunset. Buying a new plant or flowers to decorate my house with living things.

And above all, quiet time to reflect, think, or just relax, sometimes cry, take a mental inventory on my bucket list or just simply do nothing.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1232 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nature Girl I so relate to you. You go girl!! Your efforts are fantastic.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2608 | Registered: Jan 2010
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Self-care is whatever it takes to keep you from feeling stressed. Surrounding yourself with things that make you happy. Doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Saying no to things that you know are not essential and will stress you out.

For me:

Comfortable furniture, yarn, scented candles, flowers

Eating out at places that interest me; going for walks through the woods and fields; knitting and sewing.

Saying no when asked to volunteer for things that I know will cause me to regret volunteering


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19808 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After being made to feel guilty for almost 30 years any time I did anything exclusively for myself, like I was doing something wrong by spending 30 minutes to read a book, I am having to adjust to it being "okay" to soak in a hot tub with a glass of wine and a book, or get a pedi, or sit and do nothing but zone out to a bad "B" movie. I still have moments of guilt, like I am supposed to be sneaking it into my day so it doesn't take away time focused on others, but I am getting there. So self-care to me is doing those secret pleasures whenever I damn well please without feeling guilty for doing it!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:37 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 977 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In addition to all of the excellent comments above, it's also positive self-talk.

Listen to that inner voice, and you might be shocked at how frequently it's telling you bad things about yourself! Reframe it so you're being nicer to yourself!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3267 | Registered: Dec 2011
broken2
♀ Member
Member # 16935
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great thread!

I whole heatedly agree with what Sad in AZ said:

Self-care is whatever it takes to keep you from feeling stressed. Surrounding yourself with things that make you happy. Doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Saying no to things that you know are not essential and will stress you out.

And phmh brings out an excellent point:

In addition to all of the excellent comments above, it's also positive self-talk.
Listen to that inner voice, and you might be shocked at how frequently it's telling you bad things about yourself! Reframe it so you're being nicer to yourself!

I find that sometimes its the most simplest things that make me feel good and make me smile. Going out into the sunshine and feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, my arms, my back. I close my eyes and feel the warmth, I just feel the warmth and allow myself to soak it in.... I also use this time to talk positively to myself. I tell myself I AM doing ok. A good cup of coffee, a glass of wine, a walk to take in nature. A long warm bath. Soft blankets with a kitty warming my feet as I page through a book or magazine or take in some TV. Soft music.

It's nice to take in some things that cost some money too, like a movie with friends. A shopping expedition with friends, and you don't even really have to buy anything. Just the company of friends is SO good for the soul.

Find what makes YOU happy and smile on the inside as well as the outside. I believe that what ever makes you smile on the inside is self-care.


Posts: 2030 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 15

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