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User Topic: Sex, power, and connection.
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been reading up on sex....specifically how it differs for men and women.

I am far from an expert, thus this post.

As I read about infidelity, adultery, affairs....I seem to be discerning a common trend.

Sex validates both people.

Sex for a man tends to make him feel loved.

Sex for a woman tends to make her feel powerful.


I say "tends" because I don't think this is a black and white type of issue....just putting together what I think I see with regards to affairs.

I know of a couple of people I work with who were engaged in work place affairs....all WS, I know of no BS at work (thats curious in itself, isnt it?).

I look at the women who choose to committ adultery....they are very much driven to succeed in a "mans world"...very strong willed, very interested in being "above others"...their choice of partners are men of influence.

I look at the men who choose to committ adultery....very much wanting to fit in, to be accepted.

(my sample size of 6...which is small, but large considering I only work with 60 people...and these affairs are commonly known, am thinking even more exist where I work, but I have no proof)


It seems when a man orgasms he feels a connection. He is pleased when he can make a woman orgasm but the connection occurs when he orgasms by the actions of a woman.

It seems when a woman orgasms it feels good....but the connection, if there is to be one made, occurs well before orgasm. When a woman makes a man orgasm she feels very powerful...perhaps by the reaction of the man to the connection he just made with her? maybe its a stand alone feeling of power NOT tied to a mans response to orgasm.


No doubt this is a big "generalizing" post. It is just part of my study into sex and how men and women view it and "harvest" from it.

Any thoughts?

God be with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well...only this for now as I get ready to run out the door but....you described the AP in our case. Working in what is typically known as a man's world, wanting to be/feel powerful and choosing men of influence. Now. My H is not a big shot in the world of finance but he is doing well here and he has way more room to grow too. She would often say, "what would the two of us be like together?" In many ways I thought she was referring to them being a professional powerhouse.

It seems when a woman orgasms it feels good....but the connection, if there is to be one made, occurs well before orgasm

I know as soon as I kissed a guy - and I would put everything into that kiss - I felt powerful. I would say to myself, "gotcha".


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2122 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

.you described the AP in our case. Working in what is typically known as a man's world,

Same here. Exactly.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1067 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
betrayedme2
♂ Member
Member # 40639
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Blakesteele, bold post!

It seems your post on sex, power, and connection are for WS's. For my WW, I think the sex for her in her A was more about wanting to feel desired by someone else....self esteem issue. I really don't feel there were any "power" feelings involved.

I only know of one other WS, another female. Hers was a workplace "romance". She did choose a "man of influence", her boss. I think more for her it was exciting that such a man would choose her, more or less he was a trophy. Btw, it ultimately landed her a much better paying job too. I think you could define her A as having "power involved". Once the conquest was made, she certainly had the power. But almost certainly, it made her feel powerful to be with him.

Oddly enough, I know of no other BS's.

Interesting topic!


dday: 1/19/13
ME: mid 40's
WW: low 40'3
2 daughters, 17, 21
Reconciling

Posts: 83 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just love to read your posts. They are always so thought provoking. Thanks

Anyway to answer your question. I do think it is probably as you described. A man usually enters into an A because he wants attention and validation that someone else wants him besides his wife and that he is entitled to be loved by more than one person. It gives him ego kibbles that he can make more than one woman happy. The male BS however usually goes into trying at first to woo his WW back to him away from the OM.

I think the OW is also as you described. She is usually not after the same type validation. She wants what someone else has in order to feel powerful where she usually has very low-self esteem and is trying to build that up with power in taking a MM. When the BW finds out she no longer has the power she thought she had in her relationship, thus the fall of her self-esteem.

I can't speak for the men as far as sex goes so I won't. However women's sexual gratification comes not usually with an orgasm (although it is great when all those little endorphines are released )but actually the whole act of the sex itself. I think the power of making a man orgasm is actually what gives the woman satisfaction. How many women go through sex without an orgasm, but still enjoy the sex? Men on the other hand do not feel satisfied until they actually orgasm. So what you are observing is true in a generalized sort of way.

As they say Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Btw, it ultimately landed her a much better paying job too.

Yes, it is working this same way at my place of work. To be sure, the women who have been promoted are "promotable employees"...but others were every bit if not more qualified then they were...so their affair had an affect on their rise through the ranks.

I am not trying to change society....not at all. I am trying to understand sexuality in a more well-rounded realm....no longer content to assume men and women view sex in similar fashions.

I started this journey because of the repulsive nature of my wifes AP body....belly on him as well as a soft, double chin. To be honest though....minus Tom Selleck, I don't find men to be very attractive in any shape or form. Contrary to that...I find many types of women attractive....short, thin, tall, heavy, mature, young..... I have talked about the physical beauty that is a woman to my wife.

I have some preferences for sure....but can see beauty in many women....almost say MOST women. I think this is why one of my few boundaries throughout my M to my wife was to never be alone with another woman. Work lunch dates always had 3 people if a woman was involved, work projects that involved me and 1 other woman would be conducted in public meeting rooms and offices with doors open, professional conferences I would leave the "happy hour" mingle period by 10 pm. I generally like to visit with people....and easily talk with women as I do with men....I knew the danger of this for decades, thus my boundaries.

Boundaries.....a whole nother path I am treading down. Finding boundaries actually FREE a person...they do not bind a person....

So much to learn and so many ways to grow.

God is with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She wants what someone else has in order to feel powerful where she usually has very low-self esteem and is trying to build that up with power in taking a MM.

Interesting comment TrustGone. My wife has a business that puts her into direct contact with young, single men that usually are drinking, and her work concludes (many times) after 10 pm....she did not choose one of them to have an A with. She choose a dumpy middle aged married man with 5 kids. Perhaps what you speak of was a driver, conscious or subconcious, of my wife?

I doubt I will ever know the answer to that question...but it is interesting to hear your thoughts.

By the way...I am glad some of my posts interest you. Humbly....most of my posts that get responses like yours are NOT blakesteele's thoughts. They are generated from a combination of OTHER peoples thoughts, research and writtings.


I still appreciate your kind words...they still have meaning to me. So keep them coming! But another one of my struggles is reducing my pride. I never thought I was overly proud....but have come to see some of my intimacy issues are derived from pride getting in my way of learning to do better. KWIM?

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:05 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to admit that I think you are on to something here - and I don't like admitting that. I have always believed that my purpose in lovemaking was to give (and receive ) pleasure. But my situation is a bit different...

WARNING AND APOLOGIES FOR TMI TO FOLLOW...

My husband has a disability which highly effects his sexual functioning. There can be neither an erection or ejaculation involved. Or there can even be ejaculation without erection . Sometimes there is both . But the great percentage of the time, there is erection without ejaculation/orgasm.

Early on in our relationship, our sex life was good for both of us - there is more than one way to skin a cat! (perhaps too vivid a metaphor) But through the years - especially the past few years after infidelity - it does become an issue in the back of my mind. Not being able to help him reach climax becomes devastating. And I have to admit it is not only that I am not giving him the pleasure I want to give - but that I am no longer ABLE - I do not have the POWER to get that kind of response from him.

It is practically impossible for this not to effect me and my already weak self esteem. My husband used to tell me that it wasn't his fault OR my fault - it was due to the disability. But you try to be someone's partner for over 25 years where time after time - year after year - you are unable to get a "rise" out of them. It is devastating - especially when combined with his withdrawing from me emotionally, and of course, the infidelity.

Now there is no sex. ZERO. I don't think he misses it. But, as for me, even though I know a man can have sexual pleasure and completion without anyone else - much less a POWERFUL woman - I still can imagine that it would empower me to think that I had evoked a sexual response in a man.

OK - I have just realized that I have totally gone off on a t/j and for that I apologize.

I should have submitted this in a disability forum or something.

My apologies.


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1858 | Registered: Apr 2012
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For my shit sandwich, it is opposite. WW needed to be loved, and validated. Had very little interest in power. She was/is very insecure. Liked the attention.

Problem is as I explained to WW, I am exactly the same - except I never cheated. Never realized it was an option


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 670 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A man usually enters into an A because he wants attention and validation that someone else wants him besides his wife and that he is entitled to be loved by more than one person.

I cant speak for all people...but from time to time I see BS on SI make the bold statement "I would never commit adultery!". I get goosebumps when I read such a statement.

I very much like attention from others...especially women. I am a BS now...but a RA was and is a concern of mine. In the wake of my DD I very much wanted validation from other females....after all, my wife could not have picked a more strong way to send a message from her to me that "I no longer choose you, I have replaced you with my AP!". It took incredible courage, an accountability partner who is strong, and God to keep me from acting on this VERY strong urge. I still have urges, but not nearly like it has been.

I talked about boundaries a bit above....I softened my boundaries at times over the past year....letting women touch my gotee at a conference, hanging out and visiting one on one with women at work with no reason to do sor, engaging waitress's longer then appropriate....I am not nearly as noble as I thought....not nearly as strong as I had hoped. I am grateful I did not dissolve my boundaries all together, but I am dissappointed that I did what I did.


I gotta tell you....men are simple creatures.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:56 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Swims
♀ Member
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that, in both the WS and the AP the initial driving factor is a broken self-esteem and a need for validation. I think the "power" aspect kicks in as the affair progresses. I also think a woman might choose her affair partner as a "man of influence" because that would bolster her self esteem that much more... that a "powerful" MM would be with her. JMO

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((whatsright)))

No apologizes...no thread jack. Even if you did, I dont mind. I view my posts like a dinner party conversation....might start out here and end up there....no big deal. But you stayed right on topic.

I am sorry for your situation....for both of you. Sex is a God given pleasure meant to enhance life when shared between two married people.

I have a whole new take on sex and pleasure NOW....but that is a HUGE topic of thought for me...so I will only say I had much of sex really really wrong pre-A. Lots of reasons, but the fact is I was off-base.

Bikingguy....good to hear from you my friend!!! Been a while.

For the record, I believe some of my wifes desires were to feel love and validated as well.

I am just uncovering this "power" aspect of the woman's sexual psyche. Interesting what TrustGone mentioned about a woman's desire for a MM and the power it gives her to "take another womans man from her". I could see this being a part of my wifes draw to her AP.


Truthfully, at the end of the day, our spouses chose adultery. They did it in marriages that had good sex, they did it in relationships that had mediocre sex, they did it in relationships that had bad sex, they did it in relationships that had no sex.

So no real universal tie.

I am just putting together a general idea on how men and women enter into sexual relationships. Validation and security are the common ties. The motivation behind getting those needs met differs. This difference MAY be large or small between men and women....but there are apparently differences worth knowing.

I sincerely appreciate all of the comments...it is helping me gain wisdom in this area of a M.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:59 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
cancuncrushed
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You described H and OW to an exact. His self esteem was low, especially from work. Due to office competition. Our marriage was struggling due to so much travel. OW was hired, and she pumped his ego. She was the only one in the office at that time, accepting him. OW is all about power. SHe works in a mans field. WIth all men. She wants success power and money. She is still single , now 36, and has posted a picture of herself and a much older man. Apparently, they are in a serious relationship. It makes me ill. (My H was 20 yrs older then her) SHe has the same pattern. For me? I just wanted love. In the end, some people hold strong, and some people fall to their weakness. ANd its hard for us to understand each other. I cant wrap my head around how either one of them think.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 885 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thinkyour on to something but it is not gender specific.


Sex for a man tends to make him feel loved.

Sex for a woman tends to make her feel powerful.


I would state it a different way:
Sex for one affair partner tends to make them feel loved.

Sex for one affair partner tends to make them feel powerful.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1865 | Registered: Nov 2010
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ or some of each for each


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2528 | Registered: Aug 2012
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Blake. I haven't posted in several weeks, but this post sort of upset me, so I had to log in, lol.

Sex for a woman tends to make her feel powerful.
No doubt this may be true for some women, (and probably many female WS's), but I guess that statement bothers me because it harkens back to the notion that women are 'manipulative'. Certainly some are, but as a whole, that notion bothers me.

For me, sex has nothing to do with power. For me, it is all about sharing love, joy, fun, and pleasure with someone I care about.

I really hate the fact that some men may feel that ALL women are manipulative.

I think I must have grown up in some sort of a very naive "Mayberry" sort of la-la land. I can actually remember several incidences in my young adulthood where I encountered a few manipulative women, and how terribly shocked I was... so I know these kinds of women exist, but pleeaassseee guys, don't think we are all that way.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 1:05 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think in the case of my WH and his AP, the A began with each enjoying each other's company for what they were each gaining from it. In his case it was attention and in her's, validation. She told me herself that her own H didn't take her seriously, wouldn't acknowledge that she was intelligent and did not respect her opinion.

My H enjoyed her attention and ego-stroking.

Thus a hidden EA began. When it turned sexual, she definitely used that "power" over him to keep the relationship going. He didn't want to give up the attention,especially when it came in the form of sex, and she used sex to keep up the feelings of being wanted, desired and special.

He has begun to see this and she has admitted this to me.

The thing is, neither of them had any plans to leave their spouses. They used the relationship to get what they wanted, with whatever justification they used to themselves, but never actually considered who and what their choices would destroy


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 724 | Registered: Feb 2012
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They used the relationship to get what they wanted, with whatever justification they used to themselves, but never actually considered who and what their choices would destroy

This ^^^ is exactly what comes to my mind when I hear someone say some version of "if its 2 consenting adults - nobody gets hurt".

So.very.wrong.indeed.


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1858 | Registered: Apr 2012
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cant speak for all people...but from time to time I see BS on SI make the bold statement "I would never commit adultery!". I get goosebumps when I read such a statement.

I've made that bold statement many times myself and due to my religious beliefs and rigid boundaries, have been able to keep from straying during my M of 28+ years. Yesterday while walking my dog in a cemetery I came across a woman also walking her dog. We struck up a conversation that lasted a long time. It was fascinating and captivating, at least for me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since. WW lives in another town and only comes home on the weekends due to her work situation. There but for the grace of God go I.

As far as why WW betrayed me with two different men, that I know of, she said she did it for revenge against me and against God. Her mother passed away unexpectedly and WW became unhinged. She chose a liquor store clerk and a fellow member of her narcotics 12-step group. Go figure.

Sex for a man tends to make him feel loved.

Sex for a woman tends to make her feel powerful.

For me sex with WW no longer makes me feel loved. It's just an urge. The older I get the less I care about WW scratching that itch. As far as what a woman feels while having sex, I have no clue. WW has never allowed me into that recess of her mind.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that the sex concoction in an A situation is all about validation and power, for both people. My H knew he was loved by me. He didn't need love, or sex, or respect or even admiration. He had that all at home, aplenty. This is oversimplified, but it was because of his own low sense of self-worth. He always felt most 'undeserving' of the life he had when things were tough financially - when things were going very well financially, he felt 'entitled' to everything with a big cup of gratitude on the side. I think the A, in some strange way, was even an attempt to validate MY love for him. Like, of COURSE my wife loves me, look how great I am. I can get a 21 year old to bend over for me anywhere I want her to.' But the truth is, he hated who he was inside and he felt like a failure. Discovering he was 'powerful' enough to be one of those men who can have something on the side was intoxicating. He was able to make OW fall hopelessly in love with him, pleasure her, make her think that he was the greatest man alive, cry herself to sleep over him, kick her and make her keep coming back. He said that, at his very worst, he was still the best man she had ever known. Validation.

On her part, I don't know for sure. Being a woman, I can guess. I have known since the day that I got married that a ring on a finger makes a man 100x more attractive to women. If you can make a married man cheat on his wife, you are powerful. It validates you as a sexually desirable being. If you can make a HAPPILY married man cheat on his wife, sneak around on his wife, lie to his wife, talk badly about his wife, maybe even think about leaving his wife - throw away his entire life - then WOW, you must be very, very amazing. I told my H that her choice to pursue him had more to do with me than it did with him. She wanted him because she thought he was rich, but also because he had a wife who loved him, respected him, gave him everything he could want or need. She has a pattern of going after married men. If he had been miserable with me, where would have been the conquest? If he had been a philanderer by nature, where would have been her feelings of validation? She tried to make herself feel better about herself by seeking validation from a happily married man. It made her feel powerful as a woman.

But it's also like wearing a 'beard'... nobody can fault you if you get 'rejected'. You never really have to feel rejected as a woman, even if he 'chooses his wife over you'. You never have anybody whispering, 'Oh wow, why doesn't she have a boyfriend? Why can't she keep a boyfriend?' She's got a MARRIED MAN who wants her, can't resist her, can't keep his hands off her.. and he's so nice and he's rich, and he said that 'in another time, another place', but it's just her bad luck that he's married. Poor sap, he can't leave his wife because of the children and because she would take him to the cleaners, wah wah. It's win/win for the OW in that situation. Deep down, she fears her own unworthiness because of her own low self-esteem, so she goes after men she can't actually have.

I toyed hypothetically with the idea of having a RA. It would have taken some kind of man and some kind of scenario to make that appear 'satisfying'. It would not have been about the sex. It would have been about choosing someone that my H, and OW, and everybody who heard about it via the grapevine, would think was 'better' than him. It would have been about me trying to make myself feel like I was better than OW. It would have been about one-upping. It would not have been some seedy guy in a seedy bar in a bathroom, you know? That's not power, that's not validation, that's just blatantly sad. But whoever it would have been, it would still have been about MY LOW SELF-ESTEEM. And if I have learned ANYTHING from my H's affair(s), it is that an A does NOT fix low self-esteem. It does not fix ANYTHING. All it does is make you and everyone else MORE aware of how ugly you are inside.

You want self-esteem? Do things you can esteem. You want self-respect? Do things that you can respect.

IMO.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 774 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 57
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