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Newest Member: GotLost (44678)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My NB just came crashing down, hugs please
luvbug0915
♀ Member
Member # 22934
Sad  Posted: 8:49 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been coming for several months, some of you may remember back in April that SO and I had decided to split up. But then he begged me to try again, saying he couldn't loose his best friend and the love of his life.
We should have ended it then, it's so much harder now that more time has passed.
My heart is breaking but it's for the best. He brought a ton of baggage into the relationship and I thought I could handle it...I can't and it affects my overall mood and attitude every day and I have become very resentful.
We're not angry at each other, no hurtful words have been exchanged, we just came to the decision that neither of us is happy so it's time to end.
I wont be able be able to move until after the first of the year because I exhausted my savings account over the past few months helping him win custody of his DD. Plus we've had a very sick dog, $2600 and counting trying to get a diagnosis. This just blows all the way around.


"I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it."-Patti LaBelle


Posts: 1038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Metro Atlanta
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((luvbug0915))


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Luvbug)))


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51891 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry. take each ended relationship as a chance to learn from it. you always gain SOMETHING! when I look at it this way, i am less sad.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((luvbug0915))

Posts: 2483 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((luvbug))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24926 | Registered: Aug 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((luvbug)))


Posts: 1656 | Registered: Oct 2011
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((luvbug)))


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3080 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
luvbug0915
♀ Member
Member # 22934
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all.

lifestoshort, thanks for sharing your outlook. I hope to get to that place. I've had 3 relationships in my life. My first M of 15 yrs to my high school sweetheart, my second M of 8 yrs to xwh and this one which has lasted just over 2 yrs.
I don't see myself taking another risk with my heart...EVER... but I guess that could change on down the line.


"I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it."-Patti LaBelle


Posts: 1038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Metro Atlanta
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you huge hugs!

PS I will never fully trust again, either...sad, isn't it?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25423 | Registered: Sep 2005
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS I will never fully trust again, either...sad, isn't it?

Me either...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2716 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Luvbug))) I'm sorry you're hurting!


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Divorced!!

Posts: 242 | Registered: Oct 2012
Dreamboat
♀ Member
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh honey, I am soooo sorry

((((hugs))))


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17606 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are hurtimg luvbug. If you lent him money to help him fight for custody of his DD, is he going to repay you?


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3394 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
sadcat
♀ Member
Member # 8637
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((luvbug)))) I am sorry you are hurting.


I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.


Posts: 13227 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Luvbug)))

I'm so sorry.


Posts: 34636 | Registered: Mar 2011
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((luvbug))) I am so sorry, my friend. I know it will hurt for a while.

I don't see myself taking another risk with my heart...EVER... but I guess that could change on down the line.
Yes, it will. It is amazing how resilient our hearts can be. I've thought that myself but seems like life has other plans for us sometimes. Take your time to heal, and when you are ready, allow your heart to open again.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15191 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
luvbug0915
♀ Member
Member # 22934
Default  Posted: 5:51 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gahurts, he is going to repay the money I've spent. I never considered it a loan, we were a team and he needed it. We always said "whats mine is yours". But it was the plan all along to replenish my savings as soon as he recovers from all the expense, he had to repay a loan from his mother as well. He told me last night his first priority is to pay me back and he should be able to make a good start with his Dec 6th pay check.
Nothing has gone as it should have financially in this R. He brings home 3 times what I do and when I moved in with him 17 months ago he told me he would pay ALL the bills so that I could focus on getting my car and my student loans paid off, he didn't want me to struggle financially if "something should happen to him". 2 months after I moved in he decided to move 20 miles further from both our jobs to be closer to where his kids lived and go to school. His fiscal irresponsibility has made it impossible for me to pay off either of my debts as he always runs out of money before the next pay day which then require me to step in with what little I have left to scrape us by until his next check.
Even living on my own, before I met and moved in with him, I was better off financially. I always had a cushion in the bank and never let it get below a certain comfort level. I've been living paycheck to paycheck since moving up here. I'll be glad to move back down closer to where I work.
If he is able to replenish my savings between that and my christmas bonus plus tax return (ASAP in Jan) I should be able to pay off my car and move into a nice apartment close to my job.
It's just going to be very hard to be in the same house with him and his kids. I can't believe he told his kids already, I feel even more awkward staying here now.


"I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it."-Patti LaBelle


Posts: 1038 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Metro Atlanta
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His fiscal irresponsibility has made it impossible for me to pay off either of my debts as he always runs out of money before the next pay day
My WS was like that. He was bipolar and wouldn't admit it (so no medication) so his up and down moods would have him blowing lots of money on grand schemes and it was constant chaos. That was a horrible way to live and I am still working on digging myself back out. I think once you move away you will feel a huge relief.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15191 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never considered it a loan, we were a team and he needed it. We always said "whats mine is yours".

Yes I certainly understand this but the situation changed and you should not be stuck because you were generous when it was needed. Now that the situation has changed I'm glad he is recognizing that.

I am really surprised that he already told his children while you are stil there. That wasn't necessary. So sorry.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3394 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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