Though we are further along at this point and have discussed some aspects of our current and future relationship, my BW and I still have a ways to go. I'm sure that my BW still can't grasp the relationship my AP and I had as to her it doesn't seem real or possible. The outstanding questions are still how, why, and why so quickly. These coupled with the way the A ended still consume by BW. I have addressed them. Explained them. Spent time digging at them. The broad answer is I had the opportunity and wanted to but that's just the surface. I still need to address how I could ignore my vows, my family, my ethics, and have an A just to make me feel better about myself. My life was far from bad and even better compared to others. I can't blame my BW as any issue that may have risen in our M 95% of the time was caused by something I did or didn't do.
I just need to spend a lot of time thinking of what happened to see what led up to starting an A. This is one big feat. Making it a project may help me look at it a different way. I really want to help my BW to help our M and family.