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User Topic: For everyone who calls OP 'It' - a question
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with some posters.

I blame my husband for his cheating. He was the married one. He was the one who claims to love me and he was the one who hurt me with his actions.

I don't know the OW and I don't care to know much about her. My husbands actions before DDay AND after is what has caused the problems in our marriage.

He had a choice. He is a grown person and no one should be able to make him do something he didn't want to.

He just plain thought of himself and his selfish needs.

Doesn't mean I ever want to be friends with her.

And I know there are some selfish females and males out there who pursue married people and don't care who they hurt.
But it was my husband who should have been strong and loyal enough to make the right choice. So my blame is totally on him.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2713 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frankly, I feel if one is going to use "it" for the OP they should use the term for their spouse too. I see the OP and spouse as being equally culpable, ergo...if you want to demonize one, demonize both.

I don't call my husband "it" therefore I don't call his AP's "it".

QFT.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1172 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
catatonic
Member
Member # 40758
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will never say her full name. I don't think I want to give her that much credit in our conversations. I use pronouns.. Her , she. Using her name would be too respectable.

Posts: 113 | Registered: Sep 2013
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually think in my case that it was an inability to accept reality. I was so traumatized, so shocked, so completely destroyed by all of this, that I could not say her name.. or ever "her" or "she". It personalized her, it made her real, and my mind was simply not ready to accept this reality. Hence the PTSD. It's not something I could do right away. And I kind of scared myself to be honest. I could.not.deal.
It had to come in stages and I distinctly remember the first time I said her name. It was a small victory in some warped sense because I was healing.

I can say it now. I can type it. I can repeat if necessary. Every time I was able to say it, it gave me back a little power.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 43895 | Registered: Sep 2006
Girlietoo
♀ Member
Member # 38719
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I could refer to anyone as "it". I do occasionally call her a stupid bitch but I always feel guilty afterwards. When speaking about her I generally refer to her as "that woman" or "that girl" because saying her name is very painful for me. When I decide that it's a good idea to dig at my WH (mostly when I'm hurting) I call her PL, these are her initials and what my WH called her. *typing that made me want to puke*


Me- 40
Him- 47
March 9, 2013- the day my heart died

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
whatdoto
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At the beginning she was IT, then as time went
By she was HER, then she became MONKEYFACE, then
I divorced him. Way too much to deal with really.
They both took up way too much headspace after 3 years of trying to wrap my head around it all. I had to just stop.



"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Want To Wake Up
♀ Member
Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The whores I call "whores" because... well... they are whores.

The slut EA/PA I call... something I cannot repeat here but it IS derogatory and could possibly be taken as a slur on her race, when in reality it IS merely a FACTUAL description of her facial features (I've seen plenty of pics)... and no, it's not her eyes, that would be too easy and that would be a racial slur IMO

The 'near miss' and the others... I call "bar sluts"... because they are.


Me 50+
WH 50+ (SlowUptake)
DDay '09
Latest TT... Nov '13 (not a typo!)


One man’s “fruitless conflict” is another man’s “meaningful discussion”


Posts: 467 | Registered: Mar 2011
brokengrandma52
♀ Member
Member # 31705
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still gotta go with the name cum-guzzler. It fits. Sometimes I add a few other descriptive terms before and after. Once in a while it, once in a while the hoho. She really is a lowlife. I just read on the computer that she was diciplined by the board of licensing in her state. Probably showed up to work drunk. Scary!!!


Me BS beautiful wonderful woman!!
Him FWS ex jackass
We are recovered.....almost!
Dday July 2010
Married 49 years...50 years Aug 2013

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Fl part of the year
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't call the interloper in MY life "It".

When I'm being *nice* I call her SHREK.

When I address her to her face, she is "The Parasite"

eta: I should say when she is within earshot - she's too much of a coward to face me.

[This message edited by Chicky at 11:40 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I use them simply because it was multiple people. Unlike a lot of BS I don't hold resentment towards to OP so its not hard for me to be kinder towards them. Might be because I have never met them and my WH doesn't even know their real names.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 193 | Registered: Sep 2013
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I absolutely refuse to call the MOW by her name. Whether she's referred to as "it" or whore, slut, etc., as long as it's anything but her name, I'm okay with it.

Had she crawled back under her rock, who knows if I'd feel this way. However, her continued effort to contact my FWH that resulted in him hiring a lawyer to get her to leave him alone reduces her to "it."

I honestly don't give a flying rat's ass if anyone wants to call my FWH an "it." That's their prerogative. It's preferable to "boyfriend" or "lurrvrr."


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 994 | Registered: Mar 2012
Mypoorkids
♀ New Member
Member # 40946
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! This is such an interesting thread that really shed some light for me on everyone's experiences.
I call the OW "her" and sometimes by her name. It never crossed my mind to call her "it", "whore" or "cum guzzler" lol!! I hate her and I want my WH to hate her (he doesn't) but I do feel it was both of their faults.


Me: BS
Him: WS has been in 3+ year A
Married 23 years
D Day: 10/10/13
Teenage kids

Posts: 22 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Brrrrrr
lynnm1947
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because It is not a human being who deserves to be treated as such. It is just a thing, a leech that does not warrant respect or to be thought of as a human!"

Oh boy. This from the man who cheated on you. Would he object to you calling him "it"?

You were right all along. It was/is a cop out.

I called some of my XSO's OW "bimbos" or "fuckfaces" but I figured that was just telling the truth. Generally, they were people who fell for his charming act just as I did. Could I blame them for that? Not the ones who didn't know he was supposedly taken. I called him "fuckhead" and "douche". He deserved that. There were two people making my life miserable. He should pretty damn well own his part in it. He did not. When I'd had enough, I split.

Your H calling OW "it" is his way of blaming her for everything. He could have said "no". He didn't. He should own his shit.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7110 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh boy. This from the man who cheated on you. Would he object to you calling him "it"?

You were right all along. It was/is a cop out.

Your H calling OW "it" is his way of blaming her for everything. He could have said "no". He didn't. He should own his shit.

Wow ^^^ this is making me think.

I do agree with meta's post though as I still cringe when I hear anyone with the same name or have to use it!


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now become†

Posts: 1562 | Registered: Jul 2009
nowgood
New Member
Member # 40145
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WE both call the AP IT because psychopaths are not human. IT also has a lot of other names, and I just feel better when using these names because it's stating the truth.

Believe me, my husband also has a name for that time period as well.


Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2013
truthnow
♀ New Member
Member # 38791
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to call OW by her first name - but have to agree with another poster that just seems too respectful. Now usually just use "her", but I have used "your slag" a couple of times to WH. Hoping that the "your" reminds WH of his blame in this! In my head, she is usually psycho-slag.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: uk
RippedSoul
♀ Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since her name is a variation on mine, I call her "jezebel." According to the dictionary, it means: often not capitalized : an impudent, shameless, or morally unrestrained woman. How perfect is that?!?! SAWH may call her whatever he likes except for her real name. He tends to use "her" and "what's her name"--not because he's stopped caring for her but because he'd like to keep the peace.


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 389 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Topic Posts: 37
Pages: 1 · 2

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