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User Topic: Received a lovely text from my husband.
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Angry  Posted: 3:46 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just checked my phone and received a lovely text from my husband saying that he's going to be late because his FRIEND is interviewing at his company.

WTF!!

He helps his friends find work but he won't help his wife!

I'm trying to come up with a reply. So far I have:

1. and...
2. So...
3. What about helping your fucking wife find a job. You know, the person that you cheated on you jackass!!

I don't think he'll like the third one, but it makes me feel better.

Seriously! WTF!!

Also, I don't even know why he bothered to tell me. He didn't tell me that he was going to be late last night. He comes home a half hour late and DS10 asks him why he's late as we're already having dinner. My husband said "I'm not late. I was at work." Um, jackass, I hate to tell you this, but when you normally come home at 5 and you're walking through the door at 5:30, you're FUCKING LATE!!!

WTF!!!

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 3:47 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can see why that would hurt your feelings. Maybe he feels it was an improvement because he let you know he'd be late, but it can hurt because he made his friend a priority instead of being home on time or supporting you in job searching. Is he writing you that to let you know, or because he is thinking it will change dinner plans?

Are you guys in R, in limbo, or separated right now?


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I honestly don't know why he sent me that text. He never tells me anything anyway. The only way I find out information is if I continue to read his emails. I'm almost thinking he sent that message to get a rise out of me. As crazy as that sounds.

We are not in anything right now.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well why would that make him late? So if you are doing the 180 you are cheerful, eat dinner without him, happily. If you aren't doing the 180 you could scrub the toilet with his toothbrush
Limbo sucks!


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6137 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SD, why do you continue to put up with his bullshit?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm assuming because he wanted to hang out and chat with him after the interview. He ended up being an hour late.

We had an awesome dinner. It was just leftovers, but there was no yelling, the kids used impeccable table manners. It was so relaxing.

It's a long story, gonnabe.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My guess is he sent the text because its a lie. If he would normally just come home late, then why would he all of a sudden decide to text when he's going to be late? Our subconscious has a way of giving us up when we're up to no good.


Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Feb 2011
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He normally comes home on time. It's only recently that he's late and this was the second night in a row. Wednesday was a half hour, last night was an hour.

I don't know why he all of a sudden told me.


Our subconscious has a way of giving us up when we're up to no good.

Good point.

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 5:13 AM, November 15th (Friday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Eudaimonia
♀ Member
Member # 32445
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's also possible (if, like you said, he's trying to get a rise out of you) that he is deterring from something else. Wh has told me, himself, that that is one of his manipulation tactics. Good times.

Did you say he was a gamer? If so, which one? I know there's some mmorpg'ers here who might be able to get to the bottom of this....since he's so willing to "talk openly" online???


So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Posts: 472 | Registered: Jun 2011
stillprettyupset
♂ Member
Member # 41286
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the first things I learned about interrogation and confession was that "volunteering" information is also a potential indicator of lying. You are fortunate in that you already have a baseline for what is normal behavior. Usually Late doesn't warrant a text, but today it does...something has changed.


Hardtimes, that 180 versus toothbrush comment was the height of my day.


Me: 42
WW: 36
Latest D-day: Sept 2013
Reconciling? Limbo?

Posts: 96 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NE Ohio
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's definitely something, but I don't know what. Like I said before he never tells me anything.

We were texting early because DD7 is having issues at the bus stop (I posted about this in OT) and I finished that conversation with "I don't like two-faced people. I have zero tolerance for anyone who is nice to my face then talks shit about me behind my back." He asked me if that was about the kids at the bus stop or the mom's at the bus stop. I told him it goes for anyone.

Did you say he was a gamer? If so, which one? I know there's some mmorpg'ers here who might be able to get to the bottom of this....since he's so willing to "talk openly" online???

I don't know what mmorp is. Yes, he's a big gamer. He plays the war games - Call of Duty, Battlefield 4. Those are the two that I know of.


One of the first things I learned about interrogation and confession was that "volunteering" information is also a potential indicator of lying.

What kind of interrogation do you do Just kidding

I've heard the same thing about volunteering information. It's almost like they are to cover their asses before they get caught or something.

I've done a lot of reading about how to tell when someone is lying and one of the indicators is that when some people lie their face will "flash" and they won't even know it. I've started to pay attention and his face does that. It changes so slightly that he's not aware of it. He'll also look away and/or rub his face with his hands.

Usually Late doesn't warrant a text, but today it does...something has changed.

Exactly, but what that is, I have no idea. The last two email accounts that I have access to have, for the most part, gone dead. He would get a ton of emails from friends, and now nothing. He has an Iphone and Ipad, so I think he has a mobileme account, or whatever it's called.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

simplydevastated
It's time to get a keylogger on his phone and IPAD.
I put keyloggers on everything. After a while, I realized I didn't want to live like that and filed for legal separation a few months before he returned from Afghanistan.
He'd already made his plans to leave me and was packing the day after he got back when I surprised him and had him served.
I hope your story is a happy ending one.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like to do that, but I don't have the money for a keylogger. Also, his phone never leaves his side. I can bypass his password on his laptop if he would ever turn it off. He has everything well guarded.

That's a good way to keep yourself protected.

Thank you.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had an awesome dinner. It was just leftovers, but there was no yelling, the kids used impeccable table manners. It was so relaxing.

It's a long story, gonnabe.


Yea, I know SD, we all have *long* stories.

You mentioned 3 possibilities of how you were going to deal with this....and in the end you choose option #4 -- rugsweeping? Awesome dinner, good table manners, so relaxed......so long as we don't mention the fact that WH will *give up* time with the family in order to help someone else get a job....but can't be bothered to life a finger to help you????


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not in any way taking his side, but maybe it's possible he let you know because he was questioned last night...

You know your H, I don't. But that is the first thing I thought. <shrug>


There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Topic Posts: 15

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