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User Topic: Anyone else- adhd?
roarlouder
♀ Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I looked in I can relate, but didn't see a thread. Anyone have a WS with adult ADHD that played a role in A?


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, yes, yes!

I am starting to make connections and realize just how much my WH's ADD has contributed to the poor state of our marriage and it's role in his cheating. The short answer is, more than I ever realized.

There must be many others on the board...an I Can relate thread would be fantastic!!


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ADD here, but I'm a faithful BS. Being faithful actually makes me question if I'm really ADD.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9990 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, my H has severe add, diagnosed after I found out about his affair. It played a huge part in the destruction of our marriage!!! I think there is a thread in ICR Forum.


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
roarlouder
♀ Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was diagnosed as a child, but nothing done to deal. It isn't solely responsible for the A (there's also past trauma, ego, insecurity, and choice) but it certainly played a role. The psychologist says he's a poster boy for adult ADHD. She said its possible for him to faithful but there's a lot of hard work ahead-even suggested medication. Heavy stuff, terrifying and overwhelming to my WH I am sure.

Certainly complicates the "stay or go" question. Life just isn't as straight forward and black and white as it seems before adulthood.


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
roarlouder
♀ Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Garnet did you R?


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
embee
♀ Member
Member # 41100
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder. I was recently diagnosed myself and I see a lot of the same tendencies in WH. If he ever starts IC like he promised, maybe we'll find out.


Me: BS, 26
Him: WH, 28
D-Day: 10/23/13
Separated

"Are you hurting the one you love?
You said you got to heaven, but it wasn't enough."


Posts: 57 | Registered: Oct 2013
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have ADD, but also a BH.

Honestly, having been off my meds for a few days now I have no idea how in the world anyone with ADD could have an affair. I can't remember where my fucking phone even is half the time, keeping it locked sounds like a herculean task.

eta:

I don't believe ADD is a cause for infidelity. It's just a different way of thinking. If you're a liar, you're a liar - whether you have ADD or not. You're just a different kind of liar.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 6:57 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7431 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with StillGoing. Blaming ADD or ADHD would sound like the WS forgot or couldn't stay focused on the M. A person's moral fiber isn't affected by those labels.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are trying, not an easy task!!


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I in no means think add makes someone have an affair!! My husbands ADD made it impossible for him to function in a marriage, with kids,dogs,house & work. I couldn't get him to change a f'n light bulb!!! The resentment of me never having someone to help with everyday life really did a number on our relationship!! I thought he just didn't care and that was not the case, he still can't do normal every day chores but has gotten a bit better.


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
roarlouder
♀ Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not suggesting ADHD is an excuse or reason to have an affair. What I have realized, is more often than not, the reasons are complex with many layers. It isn't necessarily about love or sex or power or ego or unhappiness , etc. being complex doesn't make it acceptable either, but it's a fact.

And in our case the ADHD is one of those layers-combined with many factors including choice- that led to this.


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crazz has diagnosed ADHD and is on Adderall.

Whether or not the condition lent itself to the affair, we are pretty certain that his moodiness, anger, detachment were all amplified by the Strattera he was on during the A. He went off it immediately after DDay and was a whole different person. Kinda a chicken/egg thing there too, but through counseling we have come to an agreement that it played a role. Not an excuse, not a reason, but a contributing factor nonetheless.


If you can't learn to enjoy your life when you have problems, you may never enjoy it because we'll always have problems. - Joyce Meyer

Posts: 17035 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Dreamland
♀ Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm ADD but never took meds and I am BS but I think my WH is also ADHD. So not it relevant since we both love being the center of attention too.. And keep looking for new things to do and not finishing up old projects.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While.filling out questionnaires for my DD pediatrician, who suspected she had it, I saw myself. My ws does not however, ge is constantly making rude remarks about how I have my head up my ass. This has caused many heated arguments when bills were paid late and my constant tardiness. It drives him crazy and makes me feel inadequate. My doctor did dx me with it. This A shit has not helped me, I'm more scattered than ever.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4919 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 15

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