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User Topic: I feel like a baby on here
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ New Member
Member # 40950
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We talked about the events that took place with my spouse on that faithful night with our MC and I told her this. I feel like a big baby. My H didn't even have sex with the girl (kissed, was about to and stopped before insertion) but it's still so hard to get passed. She sai it's cause it's still a level of betrayal he conscience kicked in but kicked In to late. I've had someone tell me that they wish they were in my shoes instead of the long ea/pa that they go through. Makes me feel like I should get over it all. Sorry. Weird day today. Nothing bad with my H just a weird mood and wanted it out.


Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.

Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not a baby. Your husband kissed another girl, flirted and drove things to that point, was naked with another girl, touched her, let her touch him. There's nothing minimal about that. It hurts. You don't have to feel badly for being hurt or in pain. Whoever said that they wished they could be in your shoes... it sounds like they were very wrapped up in their own pain. It sounds like their comment invalidated your own real pain. That's not very healing or supportive.

You're not a baby. What happened was every bit as serious as any other betrayal, because it destroyed *your* very personal world. You're safe here. We're here for you.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 5:34 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3880 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly.
Betrayal is betrayal.
Period


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1689 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ New Member
Member # 40950
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well there wasn't touching and stuff. It was super minimal and I guess that's why I feel like a baby? It was one kiss and she took his pants off and he stopped it. It still hurts that he let himself do that. Thanks for letting me vent and not making me feel like I'm not valid in being hurt. R is going great and he's doing everything right just feeling dumb for not being completely recovered.


Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.

Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ New Member
Member # 40950
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also I wasn't trying to sound rude


Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.

Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was one kiss and she took his pants off and he stopped it. It still hurts that he let himself do that.

Yes, it does still hurt. That's not minimal. None of that is minimal. Those were things he should never have been doing with another woman.

ETA: You weren't sounding rude, no worries. I listed things inaccurately, and you were telling me what was more accurate. I still say that it hurts and there's nothing minimal about those details. Betrayal IS betrayal, like whiteflower said.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 6:13 PM, November 14th (Thursday)]


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
"Not my monkeys. Not my circus." ~Polish proverb (<~~~ as a codependent person, this comes in handy sometimes!)

Posts: 3880 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ New Member
Member # 40950
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. Thank you so much. Work days are always the crummiest cause I can't stop what I'm doing and write in my journal.


Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.

Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was a painful betrayal.
Each type of betrayal has it's own pain, and no one here is going to think someone else's pain is less than their own.
You are amongst friends.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are NOT being a baby.

I have experienced all different types of A.

I walked in on my fiance cheating on me. Literally saw EVERYTHING. He had a PA/EA and when I left, he stayed with OW. It sucked.

My DD's dad had a multitude of OW's- the major one was an EA/PA that went on from the moment we started dating, and then he had a bunch of other PA's sprinkled in there as well. All of them sucked.

My current H cheated online. Never even met the women he sexted with. Didn't have long term relationships with any of them. I basically think of them as the online equivalent of ONS. It sucked.

You are not being a baby at all. Infidelity, in it's many forms SUCKS. Betrayal is betrayal- whether it happens online, on the phone, in person, emotionally or physically. It hurts and it sucks and it's wrong.

Comparing pain is a really lousy thing to do, and whoever sent you that message- THEY SUCK!


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Shocked2believe
♀ Member
Member # 41010
Angry  Posted: 7:46 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see why you say that as my WH only had/having a EA and after all the awful things I've read about that have happened to others I wonder sometime what MY problem is? But I have to agree with all above. This is your pain and you're totally entitled to feel betrayed. He strayed outside the M no matter how you look at it.
Hugs)


Me: BS Married 10 years, together 20
Him:WH - EA with engaged COW.

'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway, you're blocking the traffic'


Posts: 121 | Registered: Oct 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Betrayal is betrayal. Pain from broken promises hurts. I'm not going to judge you.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9231 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your definitely not acting like a baby. Betrayal in any form hurts. Hurts even more when its someone you love and trust. There will always be a story with more details, more history, more than one ap...that does not mean your pain is not just as bad as theirs.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4690 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thats like saying someone who gets stabbed with a steak knife shouldn't be complaining because someone else was stabbed with a machete.. Either one is going to hurt like hell..

It doesn't matter how far it went it is that it happened at all. Betrayal hurts in all its many forms.. I hope your day improves and the weird mood leaves soon. Do you write in a journal? I have one I started on D Day to help me keep my mind clear, it helps a lot when I get things on my mind that won't leave.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Sep 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honey I just wrote a similar thread on reconciliation a couple days ago - about me being a big baby... also, my husband just kissed as well.

still hurts like shit. I really don't care that he kissed the OW. I do care that time was spent with them and that is what I desperately needed from him.

Betrayal is betrayal. And recovering from being lied to is almost impossible


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 47
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4444 | Registered: Dec 2010
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ New Member
Member # 40950
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do keep a journal! Im going to write in it until we are out of MC and fully R'd and then I'm going to burn them. Have a ceremony of sorts and cleanse the past with fire. We had a great MC session yesterday and it along with my fWS has helped with those weird moods :)


Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.

Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
TXBW68
♀ Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not being a baby. This is real. My only advice is do not let other people convince you that since it was "only" a kiss, it doesn't matter. My husband's first ONS was basically "just" foreplay. When it came to actual penetration, his conscience stopped him after 3 strokes.

That was in 2006. I didn't know about SI. We didn't go to counseling together. He went a couple of times by himself. I was his one and only up to that point. I always knew one day he would be curious about other women - but I expected us to talk about it. We talked about everything else.

My mistake was not holding him accountable then. I basically let him off the hook Because he stopped. I was proud that he stopped. I saw it as a sign that he loved me and that he could Never (sarcastically said now) do that to me again.

Three additional affairs and 10 months of separation later, he tells me that he really started spiraling down the rabbit hole after that incident. He says that since he "got away with it" the first time, it made the other times easier.

So, don't feel like a baby. Put on your bitch boots and make your husband do the work if he wants to stay married. Don't fall into the same trap I did and discover 6 years of your life was a joke.

Good luck!!


Me (45) WH (42),2 boys 14 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 784 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
LearnToLoveAgain
♀ New Member
Member # 40950
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no getting away with it here. He doesn't make me feel like it's less or anything. It's all me ha. He's doing so much and more he's very remorseful.


Me-BS
Him-fWS
DDay 8/03/13 husband told me not even 24 hours after it happened.

Almost ONS actual sex never took place
Currently in R and doing great.


Posts: 43 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 17

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