Any ideas, editing or thoughts welcome.
I miss YOU! I miss US! I miss the strong, dependable, capable, TRUSTWORTHY man I married, the MAN I chose to be the father of the most precious things in my life - the incredible children I bore.
I'm aware we'll never be able to go back and be what we were and should we even make it through this, then I can only hope we can become stronger and better but like everything else, it requires work, from both of us.
Trust is an extremely fragile thing based on safety, security, RESPECT, love and friendship and once broken extremely difficult to regain. YOU BROKE MY TRUST! I did not choose this nor did I place us in this position, this is entirely your doing and it's time to take responsibility for once and grow some balls.......
Enough bullshit about how you are incapable of emotion. You managed to pore out more than enough emotional energy and time on this one individual person yet you lack anything when it comes to me and your family. What a cop out! Very convenient. I truly wonder, 'when im looking back in 5 years time and am "sorry"', will it really be me who will be the sorry one? I wonder where these 'special people' whom you're investing so much of your time and energy into will be? Blissfully unaware that history is repeating itself again????.... a lonely sad person who alienated those closest and dearest to him, living a very isolated lonely life? Truly very sad! :-(
You also ALWAYS promised me if there was someone else you would not mess me around you'd just leave. I don't understand????? Another lie?
Another thing that's been bafflingly me for some time and now : Your anger towards me discovering you had gone out to dinner. My only conclusion about this (as it's the only time you've become extremly defensive and angry in regards to all of this and the questions I've presented you with) is that you're hiding behind the anger so I don't get to know the real truth. You promised to tell me the truth if I asked and by getting angry about it means that I'm unable to question you. Well this is how I see it. She's stressed and upset about her application for the new new job and you are her the shoulder to 'cry' on. You tell me you didn't sit next to her, yes of course not, you couldn't talk to her sitting like that so you would have had to sit opposite one another. How romantic? Oh and of course you won't remember what happened in the last hour and a half that I queried between paying the bill and texting me! Yes, because you could not tell me you drove her home and ......????? I thought you were unable to feel emotion yet you're able to become angry at me in order to hide something in order not to deal with the consequences????
Now, I want to know all that happened and I deserve the truth for once. I've supported you through thick and thin, I've trusted you to do what's right but I still feel wronged. You have made NO attempt to make me feel secure, happy and your best friend again. She is obviously a much greater pull for you than I ever imagined and sadly all you have is a 'friendship' based on lies, deceit and false facades. A shame really!
I do believe it's time to do some serious reflection and do the right thing. Enough is enough, time to stop being so selfish and worrying about your self absorbed ego. Either way you can't have it both ways unfortunately! It's not healthy and for me or for our relationship and children. I DO deserve so much more! Make a choice and tell me the whole truth.
No matter what I will always love you but know you've hurt me more than you can imagine and I'm terrified of going there again. Me: BS Married 10 years, together 20
Him:WH - EA with engaged COW.
'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway, you're blocking the traffic'