Theres so much more but I just can't bear to write it right now. Has anyone else had to deal with this?
I did tell WS that maybe a good punishment would be you would have to live with OW. See how that would go for you.
See how 24/7 would be..
I saw how upset he was when OW ended the A (even though I didn't know it then) and all I can think of is why can't my pain get that kind of reaction? I have seen him break down on a few occasions but it feels like he just wants to focus on moving forward. If he wasn't an emotional person I could understand but he is. Maybe he's just not sharing it with me, idk. It's just so hard to look at him and talk to him when I'm so torn up inside and he is feeling good. I want to be happy too, I just don't know how yet.
I don't want him to be miserable and in pain, I really don't. I'm not exactly sure what I want. This is just so hard!!
He says that he's happy that everything is out in the open and there's no more secrets (turns out that was a joke too).
Here I am a hot mess and can barely function, but I'm glad you're happy.
Meanwhile I'm still in therapy and wondering why does his happiness have to be at the detriment of my mental state. Today makes 19 months since Dday. And I'm back in therapy because I am stuck and haven't been able to move past it.
Zayda1-I really hope IC helps. I know I'm not ready to move past it but I hope someday I will be.
"this is the happiest I've been with us in a long time"!
This!! I'm glad he is thinking about me, and that he sees what he could have lost and is happy he hasn't. Unfortunately my world was blown up and just because he sees the error of his ways, it doesn't make it all ok now. I know he knows this, it's just so damned hard to see him "happy"!
I think if you ask most waywards though, there is a black cloud hanging over them until there is real forgiveness and acceptance from the BSes, and maybe beyond. I think many of us fear that the WSes went on this joyride of lust and adventure during the A, but it isn't like that for most WS. They are truly at a low point when they enter the affair, and then they sink lower.
Even though there is sex involved, there is not really a way in which an A and all the secrecy and lies that it involves is a happy state of affairs. For 2+ months my H didn't sleep, didn't eat, and walked around like a ghost in his own life., fueled by getting his next "hit" off the OW. I wrote earlier this week about how I think an A is an abusive relationship for the people in it; I believe that is true. If they aren't abusing each other directly, it is self-abuse, like using drugs or alcoholism.
So I am not feeling sorry for him, but I think part of the injustice we feel is that we think they got to have their jollies and then come out happier in the end. I don't really think it is that way, not when I am being logical. They are happier now because they are healthier, because they are moving in the direction of real love, and real intimacy. Or, at least they are outside of the grips of the destructive relationship. I bet if you ask your WS what their overriding emotions were in the affair, they were 90% negative.
Hopefully we can all move towards peace and health.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 8:58 AM, November 15th (Friday)]
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.
Its not that I don't want him to be happy but honestly Im miserable. Im hurting. I really don't want to know how your life is improving after you destroyed a potion of mine thanks.
Now that he's out of the fog, I get that he's happy, I truly do. It just makes me feel awful.
I wonder if he really meant that he is happy/thankful you are giving him the chance to R.
I am glad he's remorseful... I'm glad I am FINALLY even an option... But damn it... His giddy happiness about spending time with me while I am dying inside makes me want to punch him in his face.
there is a black cloud hanging over them until there is real forgiveness and acceptance from the BSes, and maybe beyond
Bottom line - communicate your feelings. No matter the outcome, let him know how you feel. Don't sit there and stew.