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Newest Member: courage831 (44955)

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User Topic: Bad Advice
ichoosejoy
♀ New Member
Member # 41329
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How come everyone else says the dumbest things when they find out!?
-you're so young
-be happy you don't have kids
-you have your whole life ahead of you
-there is another man out there for you, a better one
-etc. etc.

OK! My response

-Yes, I am young, been married only two years (together 6). People my age shouldn't have to be going through this! This shouldn't have to be a part of my past ALREADY (well ever really)
-I completely understand how horrible it is to have kids in the mix and I know it makes it less difficult but telling me to be HAPPY? How can I be happy about anything right now. It doesn't make MY feelings and situation any less devastating.
-I am not capable of looking at my "whole life" right now. I always had my whole life ahead of me. Now it just doesn't look anything like what I always wanted. It looks awful.
-I don't WANT another man!! Maybe if I did I would have been the WS. But I'm not, I'm the BS, because I LOVE my H! And I don't even think it is appropriate to start thinking about other men right now.

Does anyone else just want to slap people and tell them to shut up when they attempt to make it better? I totally know it comes from a place of love and protection and wanting to fix everything, but sometimes I seriously just want to repeat what they said to me and be like "really? do you think that helps? can you just BE HERE?"

It's good to have a place where people just get it. You can't physically MAKE it better or take it away. You just have to live it.


Me: BS
Him: WS
D-day: 10/26/13
High school sweethearts
Never thought he was capable of what he has done. Now nothing surprises me...

Posts: 8 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Washington
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

I get it. I am sorry. It sucks to have to live it to get it.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5824 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How insensitive! I'm sorry you have to hear such brutal comments. I think you should tell them what they're saying isn't helpful, and then walk away.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, November 14th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really isn't anyone trying to be insensitive to your sitch. It's just that so many have spent years, sometimes decades with cheaters. They have BTDT and want only what is best for you. Sometimes people project on SI when that is not really what they entended to do. As we always say, take what you need and leave the rest. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 4

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