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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feel like I'm always on trial
Deeply Scared
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Red  Posted: 10:17 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You have a PM.

Everyone else please get back on topic

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 198321 | Registered: May 2002
♂ New Member
Member # 41383
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Admin, you have a PM.

Me: WS 26
Her: BS 25
2 kids

Married 11/05/2007-present.
Dday: June 2009
Working through it.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Fair Oaks, CA
♀ Member
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You CANNOT get PTSD from Infidelity. If you did, it would be certainly a very rare and incredible case given the definition of PTSD: "PTSD develops after a terrifying ordeal that involved physical harm or the threat of physical harm." Im so sick of people claiming they have it! When you've been in combat and routinely woken up while you sleep on the ground in the middle of Afghanistan by rocket propelled grenades and mortars landing all around you, Ill gladly help you through your PTSD... Until then, I think it just adds to your post, which seems incredibly negative and over-dramatic. You cannot obtain PTSD because your partner has it or any other ridiculous reason that Ive heard many people claim. Yes, there are likely some similar symptoms that you may experience as a result of infidelity.

My BS, LonelyHusband, served as a sniper with the British Army 20 years ago. He saw combat in Ireland, Eastern Europe, the middle east. He saw many awful things and the experience scarred him. Months of waking up screaming in the night, flashbacks, uncontrollable emotional swings and crippling triggers. Profound weight loss and lethargy. Uncontrollable shaking.

The very same things that happened to him when he caught me having an affair with a mutual 'friend'.

He has stated many times that my affair two years ago was the most traumatic event of his life, and the second time he has been traumatised by stress. He's now been professionally diagnosed with PTSD twice in his life, and says he recognised exactly what was happening the second time but could do nothing to stop it.

He has said, and I quote, "experiencing combat and experiencing infidelity share one truth. You have to believe the shocks will end sometime or you'd go insane. Until then you just do the best you can."

I'd ask you to be careful about sweeping statements. The trauma of infidelity is very real indeed. MY BS is not the only combat veteran on this forum either. Such people tend to gravitate towards each other and he has chatted with US marines, a Ranger and army infantry on here who all describe the pain the same way.

[This message edited by OktoberMest at 10:43 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)]

Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
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Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Noglamour, I wish you would come back to your thread and let us know what's going on. Minus the t/j and I apologize for that we do care and are concerned for you. We speak harshly because we have been there so we won't candy coat. I hope you post some more.

Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."

Posts: 2762 | Registered: Oct 2012
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Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Noglamour, and SI. I was well into a nine pack when I saw one of the replies.

My apologies.


Me - WH
Her - BW
Married 20 yrs, 3 kids
DDay - 17 Nov '12 (5 month PA)

Life's tough, it's tougher when your stupid.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: FL
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4 months? C'mon......what on earth makes you think that you SHOULDN'T be on trial? These are the consequences of your choices.

I don't even like Dr. Phil but I do love his statement: "Choose the behavior and you choose the consequences."

You're fortunate that your BS is even willing to give you a chance to reconcile. If you truly regret what you did, you'll man-up to the wreck you made and do whatever it takes to make it right. It'll never be the same though.

Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3698 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
Topic Posts: 46
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