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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Half empty or half full?
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pre A I think I was a more half empty kind of thinker. I had to work to get more, be more...nothing was ever good enough, I didn't find happiness in the small things. I was more consumed with my agenda than my life.

Many of us note the shift in our views and lives post A. I have definitely become a half full person now.

I am grateful, thankful, more thoughtful towards others. I do more, share more, feel more. I find I even love differently. I give more.

I actually like the post A me better.

Any others find a shift in perspective post A?

[This message edited by karmahappens at 10:26 AM, November 15th (Friday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

exactly the opposite...

I would like my less cynical jaded self back please.
she's in there...


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5262 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Sparkle0504
♀ Member
Member # 40379
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've always been a half full kinda gal - I am blessed with two gorgeous, funny, smart children, I live in a beautiful part of the world and, despite everything, I have a husband I adore.

No money and the WH's SA is a bit of an issue (tongue in cheek guys!), but actually, when I look at some of the horrors in the world, things could be a lot, lot worse.

And if it's half full with a nice cold beer, then so much the better


Me 44 (BS) Him 52 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011

The truth hurts, but nowhere near as much as the lies
"Sounds harsh, but she's my wife and I'm supposed to be there when she's having sex" Sal1995


Posts: 222 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: England
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was always a half-full gal and I would like to get back to being that gal. What you said was similar to my IC. That we don't recognize it now, but if we let it, we will feel deeper, love, deeper and have more compassion. We will evolve as a better person.

So I am curious, since I am still early, when did this shift happen?

Thanks for giving me hope that I will return to being me!


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 492 | Registered: Jul 2013
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm getting there

This is going to sound horrible but the point in my life when I had the most peace and serenity was right before I met Broevil. The years of disappointments, let downs and betrayals left me a controlling obsessive maniac.

I am much closer to where I was and getting better every day.


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2629 | Registered: Aug 2012
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before joining the military I was pretty much a half full type of person.. When I joined I was deployed to Iraq and came back with PTSD, it totally changed my outlook on life and I got to be a huge pessimist. Even when good things were happening I was always waiting for what bad thing awaited us..

Strangely after D Day I find myself turning more back into myself pre-Iraq. I find myself more able to look into the good and not anticipating the bad so much. Its strange that something negative can make me more positive.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I am curious, since I am still early, when did this shift happen?

Really, I think it was with my IC. I needed to see myself in this light, that I was good and worth it. I needed the shift to happen internally. If that makes sense.

It became an obvious shift for me during the first year, but not a whole wrap my arms around, embrace this new life shift probably until years 4-5. I struggled with self acceptance and it was a tough one for me to grasp.

It's been an amazing journey for me.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was half empty for a long time, but about 5 years ago we had some major financial problems that forced me to begin to appreciate what I had. Every day I'd say what I was thankful for and over time I became happy and thankful and appreciative of all the little things in life. I stopped being cynical and tried to look for the bright side of things. I felt I had everything money couldn't buy, great healthy kids, a best friend to be married to, a roof over our heads, food on the table (even if bought with coupons, lol). I felt happy and positive and at peace. Then he had an A and that is all gone now. My glass is completely empty, not just 1/2 empty.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 11:19 AM, November 15th (Friday)]


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the past....

...nothing was ever good enough,

This ^^^ was me several years ago. In fact, every one I ever dated would say this to me. So...after a while you say to yourself, "gee, I think there may be some truth there."

I didn't find happiness in the small things. I was more consumed with my agenda than my life.

For two years straight before we got married, I kept a journal. Every day I wrote down 5 things to be thankful for. Every day. Some days it was the sun shining, my parents, my niece's smile, catching the subway on time, Thai dinner on a Friday night with now-H.

What I noticed from that exercise was that it was the simple, small things that brought me great happiness. The big things were few and far between. That exercise would have been an excellent use of my time when my DS2 was born. I was so consumed by exhaustion and anger. I missed so much. I encourage all of you who feel half full or completely empty ((oldcow18)) to try this.

[

quote]I am grateful, thankful, more thoughtful towards others. I do more, share more, feel more. I find I even love differently. I give more.

I would do so much for others, pre-A. In fact, I was putting others before my M, H and kids. I realize now I can still give (I love giving!) but I don't have to lose myself and lose sight of those closest to me in the process.

I actually like the post A me better
.

Me too, Karma. Thanks for posting this!


@ Ilinia, I stopped letting my anger control me about 6 months in. This was key for the shift. I was exhausted. The shift started then but like karma I am a work in progress. I go to IC. This isn't just about the A for me. I am determined to get more out of me then ever before.

[This message edited by LA44 at 12:34 PM, November 15th (Friday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2444 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The shift started then but like karma I am a work in progress. I go to IC. This isn't just about the A for me. I am determined to get more out of me then ever before.

I agree. R may be "done" for us, but growing never ends. Learning and making yourself the best "me" is always a goal.

And there are times you have set-backs, life gets you crazy and you need to go back to IC and get a little refresher.

It's a journey, one that never ends.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
ILINIA
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, that is just in time for the new year...may that will be a mile marker to make a shift even if it is small!


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 492 | Registered: Jul 2013
myeverafter
Member
Member # 41012
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it probably depended on the situation before. Now, probably 1/2 empty.


Looking towards Thanksgiving, I was looking a little less positively about what I am thankful for. I decided to make a google list and write something I am thankful for each day. I have friends doing that on Facebook, but I want to keep mine private. I just started this at the beginning of the week, so I have some catching up to do.


Me - BW 35
Him - fWH 37
D-Day: 7/13
2 yr EA; 8 mo PA.

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013
reallysad2012
♀ Member
Member # 37658
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was half full pre-Dday. I would even say I was "the glass has just enough". Post Dday, I am struggling with being myself. I know I have so much to be grateful for, but am feeling pretty bitter that a faithful husband isn't one of them. I am hanging on to the hope that we will emerge from this a better couple and we are both working toward that but some days (like today) it feels we aren't making enough progress to keep ahead of my sadness. This sucks.

But, every hopeful post I see is encouraging to me. I am feeling down today, but I do appreciate this post.


me BS
him WH
his A was in 2001, DDay confession 9/5/2012

Posts: 102 | Registered: Nov 2012
Sammy2013
♀ Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, November 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pre DDay, I was kind more of a half full type of person. I had my half empty days, but a majority of the time I was half full.

Right now I'm not even judging the glass because I don't even trust what angle I'm looking at it. I'm just unsure about everything right now. I want to say half full, but then I start to doubt myself. I know this will pass and I look forward to being a "It's half full! Let's fill this thing up!" type of person. I know she is waiting for me. But I'm just not even close to that right now.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
Marathonwaseasy
♀ Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 2:16 AM, November 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was always half full by nature. Excessively. No matter how bad things were I minimised that they were ok and could be worse. Foo stuff. I was ill as a young child and through much of my childhood and my parents couldn't handle my pain so a combination of religious stuff and the fact that other kids in hospital with me died I was taught that I should never ever complain.

Now quite frankly I have no idea what I am


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Topic Posts: 15

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