After he refused to maintain NC but said he wouldn't have any sexual or romantic contact with her, I discovered he'd been exchanging sexually explicit messages with her. When I confronted him, he IMMEDIATELY snapped into "I'll just leave," and this time I called his bluff and told him to get out.
It remains to be seen what will actually happen, I guess. I knew this was a possibility, but I figured it would be at least a few more months...I'm devastated, but less devastated than on D-day when I similarly thought it was over. I'm going to bag up his clothes and whatever else I don't want. Guess he's saying at a hotel in the area tonight, presumably will come and get some more of his stuff tomorrow and OW will come pick him up and take him...somewhere.
Someone remind me there's a light at other end of this tunnel...I've only been in this area a few months, totally alone and friendless, no idea how to move on with my life. It's all been about him since we met. I know I can still be a whole person somewhere deep down in there, but I've forgotten how.
"Are you hurting the one you love?
You said you got to heaven, but it wasn't enough."
You deserve better. Bag up his shit and let him slither away like the scaleless snake that he is. You will be ok. You will find that light again and find YoU.
When I was a few weeks from D-Day, a dear friend of mine told me that there was light at the end of the tunnel -- it was her and all of the others that had gone before me, holding their candles and waiting for me to join them.
I know it doesn't seem like it, but someday in the future, you will see this as a good thing that has happened to you.
You deserve so much more. And I know that you will find it.
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in." -Cohen
She said, "I would go through all that pain again if I knew I would ever feel this happy and content someday."
She is the second divorced woman this WEEK to express this sentiment to me. I'm not quite there myself yet, now I believe it. It probably seems impossible to you right now, but you can be happy again, probably even happier.
You just have to go through the motions and PUSH THROUGH everything.
Hang in there!!!
I've hefty bagged all his clothes and any other belongings that I came across. I think I might have overlooked some things. On D-day, he said I could "have everything" but something tells me he'll change his tune when he's actually trying to make ends meet with no job and no place to stay. (His OW lives with her parents, and I doubt they'd put him up even if they had the room.)
It's overwhelming to think about a life without him, but not all bad. At this point, if he wants me back, I'm going to still want some more distance. He called me a "terrible person" and said he wants someone who will be "nicer" to him. Among other charming things. I'm not just going to forget all that overnight.
The sucky thing is that I moved to this part of the country FOR HIM, because this is where he grew up and wanted to be. And I like it! I don't want to leave. But part of me thinks I might need to. Get a fresh start somewhere else. I'm locked into a lease here until next summer. I don't know. Maybe I'll stay. We haven't been here that long, so it's not loaded with as much baggage as our last place.
I don't know. Lots to think about. I can't believe how calm I feel, considering everything.
The temptation to text him, just to find out where he is and if he's ok, is incredibly strong. But I can't. When he wants to come and get his stuff, he'll call me.
I'm heartbroken for our pets, which might sound crazy but even if there were only two human members, this was still a little family that's breaking up now. My dog doesn't understand why he's gone, and my cat has lived with him since he was a tiny kitten. Seven years ago he became "our" cat, but he's still going to be confused. The dog was always "ours," we got her shortly before we were married...I don't even know how to wrap my head around that. I know they'll both get over it quicker than I will, but still - the fact that they can't understand, and never will, is so sad.
get a lawyer, read baggagereclaim and see a counselor if you have time.
The weirdest little things are upsetting me today. I feel ok for a while, then suddenly I'll think something like "it seems like just yesterday we were going to the courthouse to get our marriage license..." Or I'll imagine having a conversation with him about the practical things, like whether I'll change my name, and I can't even get through that without breaking down. This is the longest I've gone without talking to him since we became a couple. I can't believe that he left 15 hours ago and hasn't even tried to contact me. Who is this person?
"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.