I have been doing a lot of thinking recently nd people on here are always going on about the y's, ie Y did I do it, I started writing about what went on im my life and try \nd find out, what sort of person I had become, who was me !!
When I was young , I never got the close love from my parents, my dad jusy saw me as a pain and was never one for showing any love at all, not even to my mum, I could never do anything right by him.
When I joined clubs, ie Karate, I was very good at it and always went in for competitions, did my parents ever come, NO, Never, I was always left on my own with my friends and their parents, once, I won a fighting competition against a very good fighter, I was awarded a huge trophy, who did I have to share the moment with, No One, just me on my own, yes when I got home, I told them and showed them the trophy, not much was said, No big praise or anything, Y did I bother.
I did American Football (a sport I really enjoyed playing), again, did my parents come to the games, NO.......sorry, once my mum came and that was it, again, left to celebrate winning on my own. I will say this though, my dad took me to the sports shop to buy the equipment and my mum drew an eagle on the vest we had to wear, practical things.
Looking back, I was left to my own devices a lot, and no, there was very little love shown, only when I did something wrong was I shown emotion, "Get to your bedroom, and only come down when your sorry".
When my motorbike was stolen out of the garage, my dads immediate response was to have a go at my mum saying, "your bloody son is an idiot, he has gone out on that bike with no insurance", my mum said I was in the house, he checked and THEN asked, where is your bike, I said in garage. Turns out, he left garage open when he took car out and then someone saw the bike and stole it.
I guess, writing this has made me see why I needed external validation, I didn't get it from my own family, I became a joker and people pleaser, just to get the attention & people would see me.
WH (Me) 40
BS 35 (Olwen)
DS 8 1/2
Married : 13 Yrs
Together : 18 Yrs
Our choices are our own, Nobody made us do it.