When I said earlier about who I did and did not tell...I forgot the MC and the AP's spouse. Yes, I outed OW to her spouse, both friends, neighbors, co-worker of spouse and etc. He never responded to me but she (OW)did in a the most laughable and attempt of hurting me more but that was impossible. Her "scorned woman" approach was my reward of a very carefully worded (kind and no details) to her spouse which she later apologize to some degree, but her below the belt words could not be taken back. She had been "it was not a big deal" until then and her true self was revealed to her spouse. He is techie enough to follow the sheer number of emails and texts she was sending WS....and he was advised of the Certified Letter of No Contact mailed to OW.
Take care of yourself....you have been in a long term marriage as I have. We are in R and it has been over a year since Dday....and I really have no recall of lots of days during the first 6 months after Dday. One of my survival things was deadlines....to make a decision and when the day would come, I would make a decision to make another deadline.....and I am still here. It may not work for others but it did for me.
Once I went to my siblings with it, things got better for me. Once you tell, you can't untell, but getting my brothers and my sister in my corner helped me cope.
I went to my IC today for the second time and he is going to his counselor tomorrow for the first time - which will evolve into MC.
So my WH asked me how counseling went and I told him, and reiterated some of the hurt and pain he caused. Once I reviewed the details of the times they met and what they did (he gave me this info in a letter), I realized I had questioned him about his activities at those specific times and he got angry with me for questioning him.
Then I told him I was considering asking him to test for STDs and he said,
"I never had sex with that woman!"
I said, "Pretty damn funny, Bill Clinton."