Oakstreet
I resisted telling anyone about my WW's LTA and to this day do not regret that decision.
I dropped 35# in the 6 weeks between Dday and when i confronted her.
During that time, while i lost all that weight before i contronted her, WW was in lala land...and actually asked me if i was on drugs for the weight loss.
Our recovering eating disorder child thought i had an ED and was coaching me how to eat properly. Our daughter threatened suicide multiple times during her 3 year plus eating disorder issue and i couldnt divorce or separate from her mom as that could have pushed her over the edge. Daughter bacame co-dependent on WW during the Ed time frame and the knowledge that one person she trusted with everything....was lying to her and me would or could had pushed her over the edge...and i would not take that chance. So i had to keep the lid on her moms LTA. AP was friend of family also and daughter knew him well.
I was hospitalized for 2 days (after day and before i confronted) for severe chest pains and actually thought i was having a heart attack and i couldnt tell the doctors at the hospital the truth of the cause of my stress due to having 3 nephews (wifes side of family at that same hospital as new residents. Nephews visited me many times while i was there and was going over my charts etc.I blamed the stress on work. They put me on lexipro.
When all the truth came out in MC/IC, I was later diagnosed in IC as having PTSD. On my side of the family my sister and 2 nephews called multiple times asking if i wanted to talk and was something wrong..??
My wife's parents are very religious and extremely active in the church..this knowledge would have devastated both of them (in their mid 80's) and most likely would have impacted their health.
I did out the A to WW's affair partners wife (i knew her) . SI helped me do that and i am sooooo thankful to all my friends here for prompting me to do that.
Im a year and a half out from Dday...and to this day nobody knows except 5 people. WW, AP, me, AP's wife and our MC/IC (same person)
AP and his faithful wife didnt seek counseling, they read books, used the healing library here as a resource to heal their marriage. They told nobody also.
Sending you hugs and strength to get thru this emotional mess that your selfish Wayward spouse brought into your marriage.
me: 58-FS
her WW- 57
7 yr LTA (PA & EA-maybe 10yrs?) with her former boss
one D-24 yrs old- former eating disorder now OCB
married 26 yrs
in "R"
and its been roller-coaster
D-day 3-13-12
confronted 6 wks later (didnt know what i was going to do?)
I contacted AP's faithful wife who knew nothing, we stayed in contact to monitor their every move.
Broke NC multiple times, final NC July 2012.
Fog, denial, blame shifting, issue avoidance,rub sweeping, TT you name it and she did it but things are finally getting better very slowly
its a long road....and painful