After months of wandering from R to D to R again I feel satisfied that no decision will be necessary until the youngest has finished school (just over 2 years). WH and I get along quite well so this should not be too difficult. We can use this time to rebuild.
I find I get really sad less and less frequently and bounce back more quickly than before. I no longer check WH email or phone, not so much because I now trust him but more for my own sanity as I know this is a false reassurance so to speak and if he wants to cheat, he will. I no longer spend most of my waking hours thinking of how he betrayed me and the family. All good things, I just thought I'd be feeling more enthusiastic about the future by now.
WH is trying. He organised a night away for the two of us, something special and it was lovely. He sends me texts 'thinking of you' during the work days. He attends IC (though we never speak of his sessions, this is difficult for me but I respect his privacy). He is more involved in the kids lives and helps out more at home BUT I still feel like something is NQR. And, no, I don't think he is involved in any extra marital activities.
The 'working on us' is missing. We have weeks end to end of friendship, laughing and sex. WH thinks 'we' are doing well. I don't feel overly 'connected' or very 'special'. I feel like I'm going through life like a friend with benefits. Things could be much worse, I know.
I've re-evaluated my thoughts on marriage. I've abandoned the 'fairytale' and think I am much more realistic post A. Perhaps I still have work to do in this area?
I don't want his A's to be deal breakers. I never have wanted this. Given that I determine what is and isn't a deal breaker, surely I have control over this? I hoping some of you will identify and reassure me that this is 'just a phase and it passes', or 'if you do xyz it may help because it helped me'. I just feel a bit 'meh'.
What an awkward place to be. So from what you say here, you feel he is going through the motions? I read your profile. Perhaps he is holding on for youngest's graduation also with plans to part then? Stabbing in the dark for you. There's really no way to know.
He doesn't do that though (and yes, I have told him that this would help me). My WH "can't remember anything about his 2 yr affair".
(RightTrack)- The 'I can't remember' line is so frustrating. I've heard it as well. Good Luck with R.
The 'working on us' is missing. We have weeks end to end of friendship, laughing and sex. WH thinks 'we' are doing well. I don't feel overly 'connected' or very 'special'.
What are the down times like? The times that are painful or simply normal; not the fun and good times. When you are in the same room and nobody is talking; is it awkward?
I found I needed to look at the hard times and simply existing times when we were together to get a clear picture of who he was and who we were together.
steadfast1973 - my WH revealed CSA in his past. He has made it clear that he does not wish to speak with me about it at this time. At 48 he needs to deal with that, I'm not qualified to help as much as IC can so I have no problem respecting his privacy here, just so long as he is getting help. Of course I would love to be part of the process of his healing but it is not what he needs at this time.
Kierst13 - The normal times I would say we are like friends, buddies. During the emotional or difficult times I feel like he goes missing. He doesn't know what to say, how to react.
befuzzled110 - I went to IC initially to grieve. IRL no one knows so I rely on my WH and myself for emotional support. As I've said, he is not really the right man for the job. I did mention to him that I felt discontent and I was unsure why last evening. He asked me how long had I felt this way and if I felt 'like the 2-3 week cycle was in play'. I said it may be but went further to say that I didn't feel 'we' were progressing and that we both agreed that we didn't want the marriage we had before but didn't seem to be taking steps towards achieving a new and improved version. The result was I was told that perhaps I was looking for or creating a drama where none existed. Shut down and invalidated, yet again
The result was I was told that perhaps I was looking for or creating a drama where none existed.
OUCH!!! Really??? That even hurt me! If this is a typical response, sounds like callousness or gaslighting to me.