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Newest Member: HurtCat (45338)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Owning a small success
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of my MANY issues stemming from my depression is something called Impostor Syndrome: Whenever I do something well, I assume that I faked my way through it, and will eventually be discovered and outed as a fake. My shrink is working on this with me.

I had a really lousy day today, because of The Princess announcing she had "lost" all the pictures of our kids since 2004! You won't have to look very hard to find my profanity-laden post on the subject.

But tonight was the weekly open stage I attend. Most people there play guitar and sing by themselves, but I play either banjo or mandolin instead while singing. Lately, people have been asking me to accompany them on the mandolin. Being me, I've just assume they were being nice, or that they would instantly regret it once I started playing.

This week I accompanied a few people - mostly on songs I had never heard before. When I couldn't figure out the chord progression, I would pick a melody that sounded pretty close to the progression, and would use my method of "mistake management" to make any errors sound like they were intended as part of the melody.

At the end of the night, people were complimenting me, and I felt the usual tightness in my chest from worrying about being discovered as a fake. Then a couple things occurred to me:

#1 - Ten years ago, I wouldn't have been able to do this, so improvising a solo is obviously a skill that I have acquired, and apparently gotten good at.

#2 - Once again, I was trying to convince myself that I'm an impostor. Time to cut that shit out, and enjoy a small success.

So here I go, tooting my own horn: Beep fucking beep, y'all!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, November 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's great that you are finally recognizing the truth about yourself. Music is a very hard skill so you must be very talented


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you Pass. I dispute your description. I think it's a huge success.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2984 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad to read this pass.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4000 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Toot Toot!!

WOOWHOO!!


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks y'all!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's wonderful, pass.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is awesome. thanks for the day brightener!


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 607 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass, that is really so cool. I see that incident as "OMG, he is so talented as a musician that he can improvise and express his creativity".

I keep telling myself never to forget the awesomeness that is me. You need to keep repeating that to yourself also. Do NOT sell yourself short - even to yourself.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beep fuckin beep my friend


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job Pass!!!!

So when can we start with the banjo jokes?


k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6580 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So coincidentally, the morning after posting this, I've been offered a gig by the local folk music society! I did a few with my band in the 90s, but this will be my first full set as a solo musician. I'll be singing and playing for a full hour on the afternoon of Sunday, February 2. How frigging cool is that?

Since it is on a weekend, I'll have my boys with me. That means all those bitter songs I've written lately - the ones that say what a slut and harpy their mother is - are off the set list. I guess I need to write some new songs!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And K9, trust me, I've heard ALL the banjo jokes. By the way, you know they make those jokes so stupid so that the guitarists can understand them, right?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is great, pass.

Sometimes it takes a crisis to find out who we really are, our talents, etc. Xwh greedily took the spotlight any time he could get it.
As a single person I don't stand in anyone's shadow anymore.


Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
Lost15
♀ Member
Member # 40898
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is great to hear Pass! Have your kids heard you perform before? How great it will be for them to see!


me(BS)-34 him(WS)-32 DS-15
Married 15 years
Blindsided with divorce 07-12-13
DD-08-1-13 OW-40ish,married 20 yrs, with 4 kids she abandoned
Divorcing and trying to move one tiny step forward at a time.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
msk99
♂ Member
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big success or little success....it doesn't matter - great you had a measure of success.


BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys
Divorced

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.


Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
20Hopeful16
♀ Member
Member # 40487
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of my MANY issues stemming from my depression is something called Impostor Syndrome: Whenever I do something well, I assume that I faked my way through it, and will eventually be discovered and outed as a fake. My shrink is working on this with me.

Wow, that sounds so much like me, I am going to bring it up with my own shrink at my appointment tomorrow!

As for you, way to go! Sounds like you are a fabulous musician, definitely not a fake. Good for you for putting yourself out there and reaping the benefits.


Me: BS (39)
Three Beautiful Children 12,9,5
DD: 8/24/13
Heading for divorce
Moving on with life

Posts: 107 | Registered: Aug 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost15, my boys have seen me perform a couple times, but never a full set. However, I've played for them many times. I'm not sure if they'll think this is cool, or more of the same thing. I texted 13 about it, and he was very excited for me. 10 tends to get less excited about things.


20Hopeful16, it's been a real stumbling block for me. How can we enjoy our successes when we spend all our time worried people will "discover" how we faked our way through the whole thing? This is how I've always felt about my job, my relationships, and my hobbies.

Definitely something to talk to your shrink about. There are people out there who actually feel good about things they do well, and some of them even have faith that they can continue to do other things well.

The Princess used this attitude of mine to her full advantage to keep me from getting too uppity. That's probably what kept me under her thumb for as long as I was.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I play either banjo

That is so cool!!! I've always wanted to learn to play the banjo.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13807 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is so cool!!
Congrats on being asked to play a set solo!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4684 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 21
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