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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: A long term within a long term
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Initially, my FWH told me that he was with four AP's. I was under the impression that three were brief and I focused on the 7 year LTA. It's not as if I gave him a pass on the others, it was the enormity of how long it lasted that I had difficulty with.

A couple of weeks ago we sat down to talk. During that discussion he mentioned that one of the other 3 AP's affair took place during the last two years of the 7 year LTA. In other words, he had a concurrent 2 year A within the 7 year A.

Since I technically knew about the others, he was under the impression that I was only concerned about the longest one. Guess again. Now I feel like even more of a fool for not having a clue any of this was going on. I did say "so, when you were juggling three of us, exactly how much attention were you giving me?" He looked down and sheepishly said "none."

The 2 year LTA ended when she moved away. I guess there's a teeny bit of satisfaction in knowing he was cheating on his AP'S but honestly, what does that say about me? I feel like the Queen Schmuck.

UGH!! While he's been doing all the right things, this is definitely a setback. I'm heading back to IC today. I need a pep talk (or a smack upside the head) telling me that continuing to R is still the right thing.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1055 | Registered: Mar 2012
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what does that say about me?

To me it says it had nothing to do with you. It tells me that it was all about his brokenness and nothing would have been enough.

New information seems like a setback and it is in regards to processing the truth. But it is a step forward in understanding the truth.

New information is just that, new information. It is not new hurt even though it feels that way.

Take care of yourself while you process it. Don't take responsibility for it. Its not about you, none of it was.


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2647 | Registered: Aug 2012
RipsInMyChest
♀ Member
Member # 41166
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It says only that you trusted your WH. Nothing wrong with love and trust....it's only wrong to take advantage of someone else's love and trust. (((LIL)))


Me: BW 41
FWH 41
Together 21 yrs, M 18, 2 kids
DDay: 12/11/12 ONS with CW
Used condom, got chlamydia anyway.

His betrayal of me was not because I didn't shine brightly enough, but because he chose to put on blinders.


Posts: 276 | Registered: Oct 2013
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. I had an IC session yesterday and it helped to be able to talk about it.

Logically, I know that his decision to cheat is entirely on him. Still, being taken advantage of like this is so difficult.

Again, thanks for lending an ear and for the support. It means a great deal.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1055 | Registered: Mar 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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