Has anyone else rediscovered "love" for the WS?
Yes, but I think it really requires a Herculean effort on their part.
Right after DDay I was flooded with love for WH. All I could remember was all the good stuff and all the hopes and dreams I had for us. Kind of like when someone dies.
Then at some point, I guess when reality really set in, it kind of dried up. He had completely turned himself around and it felt like I was living with a very nice stranger.
But now it's back. Not just the love, but the whole "in love" thing.
So, it's possible
"I don't love you but, will let you know if I ever so".
This hurt me to read. I am sorry, really sorry for your pain.
I understand what you are saying. FWW is more a roommate or dependent to care for than a spouse. We have fun some times, the M is better than it was for most of its existence and certainly better than during her A's. But the intimate connection is gone, and so is my respect for her.
I spoke of D to her about a year ago, but in our current situation D would be very difficult. My IC asked me what would be different for me after a D? As I thought about this I realized (other than the financial hits and family upheaval), not much. People talk of D-ing to then meet a new person to build a new life with. In my mid-50’s I do not see this as a priority or even likely. If I were to D I see my focus going more to my career, relationship with my boys, and my hobbies. I can do these things while still M’d to FWW. It would be nice to think of meeting the right person for a mutually supportive, intimate, and sexual relationship, but I do not see myself at this point putting enough effort into it to make it a reality.
Maybe after a few more years and I am settled into this new career, and my boys are out of school things will look different, but for now it is comfortable. Sure I would like to be touched and to have sex more, to have an intimate partner I respected, but simply D-ing does not make that happen or even likely.
Since I love her, I was hurting inside for her. She threw away her reputation, her self esteem, her morals, her husband and family. Who the hell does that? She's a responsible good person...what happened?
So I'm learning to love her again. She's gotta score points with me of course, and it's not the same thing anymore, but now we have something to work on and build on. Quitting may sound easy, but it's not.
It's really hard to love someone fully after they choose to put your love and life you've built together on the line for a temporary rush. I'm dealing with having to let go of my husband turning my son's bedroom into his "hotel room" with his AP. And for him to say that he never meant to hurt the kids...well how much closer to the kids can you get than screwing another woman on their furniture!! The only thing closer would be doing it in front of them!!!
Ugh, how is that love ever restored? I don't know. But I know that you are not alone.
[This message edited by SmallButStrong at 10:10 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)]