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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: About the past
Taurus517
♂ Member
Member # 37958
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Off subject here but do have a question. After having a talk with the W last night. She mentioned the time I was messing with a female was off and this was before me and W ever met. I started to question it this morning. Would it be considered cheating if you were dating someone and was also messing around with someone else. There was no official title and it was a summer fling. Would that still be considered cheating. Trying to figure out if this would be my first time being a cheater or not. Thank You


Me: WS 31
A : 17 months
Her : BS/WS 26 (ShockedErica11)
A: 3 months
DD : 3
Relationship : 4
Married : 2
DDay : November 2012
Her DDay : June 2013

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Chamblee
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For myself, yes it was cheating.

I was dating a guy. Expected him to be faithful to me. He wasn't. I knew it. Figured if he could do it, so could I.

I made out with some random Joe in the back of a car on Valentine's Day night. Also hooked-up with a co-worker multiple times. I was very young. 17. I still consider it cheating because I know my "reasons" and "logic" behind my actions.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6156 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it would be if there was an understanding of exclusivity between you and the person you were dating.


Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciled after divorce

"Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible." - Hunter Hayes, "Invisible"


Posts: 2098 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Sammy2013
♀ Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS here, no stop sign, hope it's ok to respond.

General rule is, if you feel the need to keep it a secret from the other person you were involved with, it's cheating.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 208 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
Taurus517
♂ Member
Member # 37958
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks for the response and Sammy its cool, I wanted feedbacks from everyone and does it apply to a summer fling where you knew it was just temporary??


Me: WS 31
A : 17 months
Her : BS/WS 26 (ShockedErica11)
A: 3 months
DD : 3
Relationship : 4
Married : 2
DDay : November 2012
Her DDay : June 2013

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Chamblee
Sammy2013
♀ Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it all depends on what you felt while doing it. If you felt guilty, or like it would hurt her to know, then yes, it was cheating. Does that make sense?


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 208 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
Taurus517
♂ Member
Member # 37958
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sammy, it does make sense. thanks. Really trying to figure out where did it started to lead me to where I am now which caused the A. In a sense if I didnt care when it was a summer fling ( this all took place before I met my spouse) or feel guilty but still messing around, overall that makes me a bad person because looking at it now, its bad regardless.


Me: WS 31
A : 17 months
Her : BS/WS 26 (ShockedErica11)
A: 3 months
DD : 3
Relationship : 4
Married : 2
DDay : November 2012
Her DDay : June 2013

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Chamblee
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In a sense if I didnt care when it was a summer fling ( this all took place before I met my spouse) or feel guilty but still messing around, overall that makes me a bad person because looking at it now, its bad regardless.

No...

Yes the choice to do it is wrong and harmful, but it's also part of a poor coping mechanism. Unless you're a sociopath or NPD, the not feeling is a form of protecting the very vulnerable you, something you learned to do as a child. It means you're broken. But that brokenness can be worked on...and you're already doing that by being honest with yourself about this kind of thing. You're not an irreparably bad person, you're a broken person who is working on getting better.

But you do seem to have a problem with the idea that you could be 'bad' - maybe something to work on in IC?

[This message edited by Softcentre at 1:32 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 869 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Sammy2013
♀ Member
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes the choice to do it is wrong and harmful, but it's also part of a poor coping mechanism. Unless you're a sociopath or NPD, the not feeling is a form of protecting the very vulnerable you, something you learned to do as a child. It means you're broken. But that brokenness can be worked on...and you're already doing that by being honest with yourself about this kind of thing. You're not an irreparably bad person, you're a broken person who is working on getting better.

But you do seem to have a problem with the idea that you could be 'bad' - maybe something to work on in IC?

^^^^ This. I couldn't figure out how to say that. Thank you Softcentre.


WH -37; BS (me) 38
Married 12 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more since then (trickle truth sucks). 6 years of Prostitutes, 2 affairs in 2013, SA diagnosis now with 1 relapse so far (massage parlor with happy ending 2/14).
Waiting, observing,

Posts: 208 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
Taurus517
♂ Member
Member # 37958
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Softcentre thank you for that. I have been learning about my childhood and I am broken come finding out.


Me: WS 31
A : 17 months
Her : BS/WS 26 (ShockedErica11)
A: 3 months
DD : 3
Relationship : 4
Married : 2
DDay : November 2012
Her DDay : June 2013

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Chamblee
Topic Posts: 10

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