Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: walker2014 (44332)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: In a funk and a crazy dream last night
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been in a funk the last few days. This past weekend was the two years since their sexcapades in our house. Dday antivrrsary is coming up next weekend.

I had this dream last night, and I rarely ever remember my dreams. We went away on vacation and we took the OM with us. We took him to tell him that after 2 years we have finally healed and he is forgiven. When it came time to approach him, we couldn't do it. We grabbed DS4 and ran from the house. The rest of the dream was full of obstacles that we faced on our run, such as bad weather, giant ladders, foreign people we couldn't communicate with, falling in mud puddles.

What the f is this supposed to mean?


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That you shouldn't eat a 12" pizza before going to bed?

Dreams are odd. I don't even want to recount the one I had last night. I don't think they always have to mean something. You could just be a little hyper vigilant because your 2nd anti is coming up. I just went through mine.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3773 | Registered: Dec 2011
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreams are odd.
Tred, you're not kidding there. I had a full on zombie apocalypse dream.

Chicho,
I believe dreams can sometimes mean something but it doesn't always have to be the case. Sometimes our dreams don't give us answers, just dilemmas.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3669 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally believe in dreams speaking to us. Maybe it means that on some level you feel you wanting to make some unnatural peace with the OM in your head, forgive and let it completely go, but when it comes right down to it that's not the direction you're moving. You are moving together completely away from the A. There are still obstacles for you to get through, journeys for you to take, circumstances you can't control, communication issues, the everyday messiness of life - but you are getting through them together, and as a family. Your life together is so much more than the A. I think it's a good dream.

My H always asked what he was doing in my dreams - usually he was cheating on me, ignoring me, walking away from me, or not in them at all. I had a dream a few months back where he was protecting me. I realized it was the first time I'd ever had a dream like that, and it felt really good.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 774 | Registered: Jul 2013
reallysad2012
♀ Member
Member # 37658
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreams are weird but yours was totally normal IMO. I remember my dreams frequently and yours sounds like what I call my frustration dreams. Simply, you are stressed about something. Since your dream was about OM and forgiving him, I think plainpain is right that you are struggling with that idea. But the obstacles were just there to represent your frustration. I have had versions of this kind of dream for years.

Speaking of dreams, want to hear something weird? I used to dream that H and I got divorced but regretted it and were trying to get back together. Very frequent dream before Dday. After Dday....not once.

Sorry to hear you are in a funk. I am guessing it is to do with the antiversary coming up and you might be pressuring yourself to forgive OM. Don't force it. Do something nice for yourself.


me BS
him WH
his A was in 2001, DDay confession 9/5/2012

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Chicho

I agree with plainpain and reallysad. It appears your mind is letting you know you are not ready to forgive the OM and are still running the obstacle course of R.

Go easy on you. Carve out some time for yourself and relax. The anti will come and go and you will still be standing strong.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it means you've got a really shitty antiversary coming up, and your inner wisdom is telling you NC is the best way to stay healed. He's not a threat, but you still don't owe him a damn thing. As I say, that's my reading.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9773 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haha Sisoon, Here's the hit with the OM. It has nothing yet everything to do with him.

We are active members of a 12 step fellowship. 18 months ago we walked away from our area, support network, and friends to avoid the OM. We travel out of the area to different meetings in different towns. It is adequate but not home. We have not formed a real connection or network.

By maintaining NC we are staying pprisoners of the A. Catch-22.

I want my fucking life back!!!

ETA: this would not be like seeing him at the grocery store or a restaurant. In meeting you share thoughts and feelings struggles and triumphs. It would be like going to an IC session with the AP sitting across the room

ETA#2: plainpain thank you for your post it made me tear up

[This message edited by Chicho at 5:55 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)]


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chicho,

I had to respond to this, I dream frequently (understatement) and very vividly and remember them.

I took a nap today, as I was off and did not sleep well last night, dreams.

I awoke from a dream today, going to our old home, (this is our only home), with my mother (who has passed) to retrieve the mail and phone messages and my dog that I left behind (she has passed also)berating myself for leaving her helpless, struggling with keys that don't work and realizing I don't even have a key while a guitarist outside plays and sings "A new way to fly".

So many ways to interpret. I think that many of my dreams are my subconscious trying to work out today. It can be very disconcerting and feel so real.

No point at all your post just struck me. I dream all the time about h leaving me. It happened so I think I am still while awake or asleep trying to find a way to live with the reality.

The dreams seem to change depending on what issue I am struggling with at the moment.

Sweet dreams in our future.

I remember as a child I used to "plan" my dreams. I would decide what I wanted to dream about as I fell asleep, it actually worked a lot of the time. I think I will try that again, don't know if it will still work but definitely worth a shot.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1264 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is AWFUL. No advice, just sympathy and best wishes.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9773 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 10

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.