Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: jdubb80 (44703)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How hard are you hit when you hear of other BSs?
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recently learned that the relative of a good friend is now one of our number. I met her a few years ago and thought, "This is someone I could be friends with." They were moving away for her H's job and now, because of the A, might be moving back. Not how I wanted to see more of the BW.

I feel for her and I certainly never thought I would hear her H was a WH. They have had a close, abiding relationship that has weathered other storms. They've raised a large family...in fact just had another child. And now he wants to leave them all. In fact has threatened them if he doesn't get his freedom. He's planning on moving OW into their very small town and the BW is likely moving home with the kids.

The thing is, this has triggered me horribly. As in, my friend was talking about it today and I started crying. Had to leave the room to collect myself. My friend said she could tell even before that because it was all over my face that this really hit me. I hurt for the BW and the kids, yes; but I'm surprised at the depth that this hits me.

This is the time of the year the 2A was in full swing and no matter how I try to move past it, the feel of the air getting chilly triggers me anyhow. And my IC has been in the hospital since shortly after school started. So I come here to SI to try and check in.

Is this because I'm in limbo and we never really dealt with the infidelity in our M? Or have those of you who consider yourself healed experienced the same visceral reaction?


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11131 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I have those visceral reactions. A damned comic strip can set me off let alone finding out that someone else has been betrayed. Every bit of my empathy bursts through the surface.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4715 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
whiteflower99
♀ Member
Member # 13937
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, there are many things that can set me off or trigger me. Movies, songs, books...
I was watching Grownups Two and the relationship between two of the female characters is so damned close to my situation with COW...
When I hear about real situations with people I know it is a major trigger.


What are you pretending not to know?

me FBS
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way; no longer defining mysel


Posts: 1701 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Greensboro, NC
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, November 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recently found out that the husband of a co-worker was in the beginnings of a one sided EA. I didn't sleep for two days. It put me in a tough spot because I wanted to be a good friend to her but was very aware of the fact that trying to be there for her as a friend in her vulnerable state could be really dangerous. Fortunately, she has other female friends at work who have been good sounding boards for her.

Posts: 1656 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was feeling so...frustrated...screwed up...hopeless...because I'm so far out and this hit me. Maybe not like d-day but like I big reveal after TT, KWIM?

For the most part infidelity in movies or on TV don't trigger me. So this has taken me aback.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11131 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
TheThreeYearFool
♀ Member
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just saw that the woman who was my very first supervisor back when I started at my job 14 years ago is changing her name back to her maiden name. I've known her for the entire time under her xWH's last name.

They divorced because he was a serial cheater. Now I understand how she must have felt. Then again, she had the strength to end it despite the fact that they had two kids, and I judge myself as weak in comparison.

Meanwhile my former boss also still works here, as does her xWH. Right down the hall from his new, slightly more than half his age girlfriend. I never got along with my old boss but my heart hurts for her now.

Maybe a lesson that I will take from this is to have more empathy for the suffering of others.


Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 163 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
ascian
♂ Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No big breakdowns, but yeah it hits me like a punch to the gut.


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 281 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beyond measure.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9990 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.