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User Topic: I think it's a deal breaker
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't stand it anymore. I'm fairly sure all along I knew this was a deal breaker and I just rug swept the whole thing. I got pregnant shortly after dday and have been holding on too tightly to a dream that never was to be.
I've been miserable for nearly 3 years and to
Be honest I wasn't that happy before either! It's not as if he hasn't been trying but I just KNOW - you know? I'm done.
What do I do now?
He's going to school this week and we've all been sick - girls got their first cold :(
This week has been hard so far... But like he said 3 years ago when he up and abandoned me "no timing is good for a breakup".
I've seen myself circling the drain for too long! I mean me! A once happy ADDICTIONS COUNSELOR drinking nearly
Daily... I'm glad I gave up smoking but wow - I can't believe my fall from grace and I've been wallowing ever since :(
For 3 YEARS...


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it makes you feel any better, my 1st husband was an alcoholic. AFTER he was sober for 1 year, I left. I think it is very easy to slip into denial at the beginning of a relationship and put on side blinders as the relationship progresses.

In this current marriage, I wish I would have left my WS 15 years ago when I was pregnant and he was out at topless bars. It's never really gotten better, and my children would have definetely been better mentally if we would have divorced then and they would have grown up visiting their Dad and having a relationship with him that way. Now, they have broken hearts because they entire sense of "what my life is" is now GONE. No more family vacations, trips to lake house, dinners together (in fact they haven't eaten at the dinner table since he walked out), no more sitting with Dad watching TV at night. I think the pain of what is now gone is much worse than if they had grown up with him being a Disney dad, favorite uncle role.

(((((broken)))) be strong, get out of denial, stay out of denial and do what is best for your children and you!!!!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2215 | Registered: Jan 2012
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do I do now?

If this is truly how you feel then you need to start getting your ducks in a row. I see you're in Canada, do the lawyers there off free consultations? That may be a good place to start. Gather as much information as you can to make a sound decision for yourself and your family.

Good luck.

I'm sorry you're hurting. Sending (((hugs))) and strength your way.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you told your husband how you feel? Don't get me wrong I know it can be a definite deal breaker, but is he aware of how unhappy you are?

And also get into some IC for you and you alone, if you do want to leave this person will help you with your feelings and thoughts as you go along.

And then yes, I would start to get my ducks in a row after you have done both the above. One step at a time.


Posts: 5679 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I'm in Canada but we're not married. We were engaged and within 2 months everything fell apart. Found out about his As while in false R then got pregnant :(


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A once happy ADDICTIONS COUNSELOR drinking nearly Daily...

Who has the drinking problem? You or him?

That needs to be addressed if you hope to be awarded 50/50 child custody.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it's not as bad as it once was but I do have a glass or 2 of wine a night. He's always had a marihuana addiction however.


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're the former addictions counselor. You know the steps to recovery.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EXACTLY^^^^^ the 12 step as you know can be used for any addiction...even a bad relationship, right?


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I'm definitely feeling powerless....


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm done.
What do I do now?

Why powerless?

Make a list of things that you need to do:
1. Interview lawyers until you find the one who will fight hardest for your Divorce
2. Secure safe housing for you and the twins
3. Remove the wine from the house and work your recovery.
4. Do you have a secure job? If not, add that to your list!

If you're done, you need to step up and take responsibility for your life and the lives of your twins.

[This message edited by ladies_first at 3:24 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for resurrecting this post. I just had to clarify a few things.
I'm on disability leave for fibromyalgia and PTSD. I do not take any medications for that. I do not smoke anymore and have a glass or 2 of wine each night after my girls are in bed. I like to listen to classical music in the bath tub. I'm not sure what I would do without this retreat.
However I was really bad after dday and being abandoned by him. I was partying with friends for nearly a year until I was shocked and surprised with my pregnancy -twins!
I didn't start drinking wine until the girls were 5 months old. To
Be honest I am very hard on myself - I felt like I HAD to be due to my previous employment (being an addictions counsellor).
I've been talking to a IC and she pointed out that I beat myself up a lot. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect and it stems from my fear of rejection.
Anyways I don't want to ramble but I did want to clarify some things.


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
broken <3
♀ Member
Member # 35098
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also - he failed his exam :(
I'm just so fed up with being the strong one and the mature one all the damn time! I just want an equal in my partnerships. Why do I HAVE to be the rock? When I get sick everything goes to effen shit around here and it takes like 2 weeks to clean it all up again.
I'm frustrated.


Me - BS mother of 15 month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
Topic Posts: 13

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