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User Topic: Weird....separated Thanksgiving planned this year....
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Concerned  Posted: 8:42 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So...I really wanted to go up north to Maryland to my cousin's house again this year for Thanksgiving with my whole family so they could see how big Piper has gotten as compared to last year. We had such a great time last year (even though my sister brought her delinquent 20 year old girlfriend with her). I really loved the quality time that the family had together and it was nice to see the distant relatives and introduce them to the newest member of the family (my daughter who was 3 and a half months at the time)! Well, my sister works at a movie theatre and can't get off Black Friday so we aren't going. I'm really bummed. (I actually think she didn't want to go and didn't ask...but that's a different thing altogether and there's no point in pushing the subject. It is what it is).

So....her best friend Sonja is having a HUGE Thanksgiving dinner and my sister is going there and my best friend of 23 years is having her very 1st Thanksgiving at home and invited me to her house for Thanksgiving if my plans fell through for going up North. She invited me over a month ago but I was sure we would travel....and I was wrong.

Here is the weird part. My sister already knows that I am going to my best friend's house and I know she will go to Sonjas house. I told my dad he was invited to Ashleigh's house (of course!) but that he could go wherever he wanted....but that I would like to AT LEAST see them both on Thanksgiving....even if that means early in the morning before we leave to go our separate ways or in the evening for a bit?

My sister and I didn't see the point in spending all of the extra money to make a big meal for 3.5 people....especially since we already had invites to 2 people's houses who are making big meals already! I was gonna make my favorite dish to take (green bean casserole) and maybe some chocolate chip pumpkin bread.

Is it odd that we won't be together for Thanksgiving? Is it wrong? Are we putting my dad in a weird position? (I just didn't want him to spend a lot of money I know he doesn't have to make a big meal that would only be for the 3.5 of us! Ya know? He agreed...)

I guess....I know I will have more fun taking Piper to my bestie Ashleigh's house.... and my sister will enjoy Sonja's company more than be dragged to Ashleighs.....and I just want dad to go where he will have fun regardless....even if that's not with me.

I guess this year is just gonna be weird. I hate how my family seems to be dwindling away. My mom has chosen to drop out of our lives. Piper's sperm donor and his family poofed almost a year ago from our lives.....my sister has cerebral palsy and is on borrowed time.... and I feel like I'm holding on to every last ounce of my family blood with a thread. It makes me kinda sad to think about it. But, I suppose it is what it is.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:45 AM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it odd that we won't be together for Thanksgiving? Is it wrong? Are we putting my dad in a weird position?

If you are all ok with it, then why would it be wrong?

There is no 'you have to be with family' requirement for any holiday.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no 'you have to be with family' requirement for any holiday.

I agree. This is kinda right up my sister's alley. My dad mentioned to me when we had our big talk how "Have you ever noticed that your sister is always late or doesn't show up to holidays?" And, I never really put two-and-two together since she has always been the procrastinator and that person that would be late for her own funeral....and my dad and I are the polar opposite and hate being late to anything! But, I suppose its true. Maybe she would enjoy a more low-key holiday.....I know I would enjoy being with my best friend.....and have always considered her family like extended family to me! I just hope that my dad either comes with me, my sister, or spends time with friends and doesn't end up staying home alone. I don't want him to be alone that day. He should spend it surrounded by happy people who care about him and lots and lots of food!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Newlease
♀ Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think people put way too much pressure on trying to make holidays a big family thing. My siblings are much older and my parents have passed on. We all have large families, kids and grandkids. It would take an act of congress to get us together on the holidays.

And I don't even see my own children and grandchildren on the holiday. They have too many other obligations between in-laws and they sometimes have to work on holidays. So we pick an off-holiday day to get together for some family time.

This Thanksgiving my SO and I plan to stay in our pjs all day, eat good food, and watch movies. We were going to help serve the Community Dinner, but I applied too late, and they already have enough volunteers.

My kids and grandkids are coming this Saturday and I am making lasagna. Very non-traditional holiday, but the important thing is getting some quality time together - whatever the date.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7676 | Registered: Aug 2005
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids and grandkids are coming this Saturday and I am making lasagna. Very non-traditional holiday, but the important thing is getting some quality time together - whatever the date.

I agree! Maybe I will ask them if they want to get together Saturday and I could invite my friends Heather and Karen and we could all eat lunch together or something! That might be fun and takes a lot of pressure off of the actual holiday itself!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why don't you and your dad go up north if that's what you would really prefer? So what if your sister can't, or won't, go.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why don't you and your dad go up north if that's what you would really prefer? So what if your sister can't, or won't, go.

That was my first thought too!


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why don't you and your dad go up north if that's what you would really prefer? So what if your sister can't, or won't, go.

I would...but I don't think my dad can get black Friday off either AND even though she told us to go without her....she doesn't REALLY mean that...and it would be used as emotional ammo in future arguments. So, I find it easier to just stay here and go to my bestie's house. At least I know I will have fun there....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2717 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My brother and sister are both nurses. For my family, it would be unusual to celebrate any holiday on the actual holiday.

Nothing is written in stone. Life is too short to try to please everyone, so I worry about me only for that stuff.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7565 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
cissi
♀ Member
Member # 21737
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would...but I don't think my dad can get black Friday off either AND even though she told us to go without her....she doesn't REALLY mean that...and it would be used as emotional ammo in future arguments. So, I find it easier to just stay here and go to my bestie's house. At least I know I will have fun there....

I don't mean to be harsh, but you are a mother now. You need to learn to stand up to people and not care if they are upset. It's her problem if she chooses to act like an idiot just because you and your dad and Piper go up north. If you don't want to go, that's one thing. But you sound like it was really what you wanted to do. If your dad can't get the day off, why can't you and Piper go?

But, the bigger problem is, the way you are with your sister. Borrowed time? I sincerely doubt it. She has cerebral palsy, not cancer for God's sake.

[This message edited by cissi at 5:34 PM, November 22nd (Friday)]


Posts: 1396 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Southern California
Topic Posts: 10

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