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User Topic: Conflicted -WH
roarlouder
♀ Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am conflicted. I am so angry at him today. I want to tear into him (again). But I can tell he's not holding up well. I think he may be depressed and on the verge of a total breakdown.

I am so mad. But I feel like I need to just shelve all of it for now because I don't think he's doing well. I am away, and I don't think he'll reach out to anyone either.

I would be depressed too if I realized what an awful person I'd been. If I am truly concerned about his well being I know I just need to shelve it. But I really need to yell right now. I've written 3 emails detailing exactly what I think and how I feel that I won't send.


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((roarlouder)) I just wanted you to know you had been heard. Being on the emotional roller coaster is so very difficult.

Writing helped me quite a bit. I did let him read some, but some I didn't. It helps to let the pain out.

Hugs to you.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1592 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yelling is cathartic, just be sure the kids and pets aren't around or you'll scare them.

You can yell into a pillow while sitting inside the closet with the door closed and the bedroom door closed too (as long as there are not littles home you have to watch), and that's pretty much the most soundproof place in most houses.

Writing letters you'll never send is also cathartic.

I'm not quite sure what you're saying about your WH not doing well, not reaching out to anyone. Are you afraid he is so despondent that he may become suicidal? If so, you may want to decide what you are willing to do, if anything. I realize that sounds cold.

For the most part, your WH will have to deal with his own depression and hopefully with the help of a MC, IC or some other therapist.

Did you want to "rescue" him from his depression, this man who had a 5 year affair and additional one night stands? That won't work.

I understand that you are conflicted! (((roarlouder)))



Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
roarlouder
♀ Member
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I can't rescue him. He has to rescue himself. I just don't want to push him over the edge if it can wait to be discussed another day. Or if I am leaving any way...


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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