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Newest Member: Havetemperance (44617)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
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NoGoodUsername
♂ Member
Member # 40181
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been off of SI for a while, just browsing through for a few minutes a day when I can get on at all.

We've been through a lot of changes in the past few weeks. My BW received a job offer in a distant state that was too good to pass up, so we packed everything up, found buyers for the house and moved halfway across the U.S. in the span of about two weeks.
I have my same job and am telecommuting. Her new job is working out well so far and they think very highly of her. She defends her dissertation next month.
We are still settling in, but the chaos is lessening. No fights since we have moved, but there have been needful and hard discussions. I think that it helps a great deal that significant power has shifted in her direction. She is instantly an equal earner in the house after being in her most vulnerable position financially since we have been together. She has high status at the job. Negative elements from our life in the previous city are at arm's length. Other things, too.

Right now, it feels like a couple of things are in play. Breathing room for her. Enough external stressors are being managed that in the next couple of months she will be able to start thinking about whether she wants to be in the relationship rather than has to be because of practical reasons.
Also I feel right now is basically a job interview for me in the relationship. After she has the degree and we have divided the profits from the house, that will be a significant decision point about what the next step are. I want, more than anything in the world, to be a good and worthy man in a good and worthy marriage with her. In a little while, we get to find out whether she is willing to let me keep trying or if it's time to turn the candidate away.
To continue the analogy, if I get the job, that just means that I'll still be subject to strict performance requirements, not that I have tenure.

Regards to you all. I'll be around more as things continue to settle down.


Me: WH
Her: BW
Dday 7/11/13
"May you be protected from hearts that are not humble, tongues that are not wise and eyes that have forgotten how to cry."

Posts: 235 | Registered: Aug 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ha - now that's how to look at it - interviewing for a new job.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4705 | Registered: Dec 2010
confetticheck
♂ New Member
Member # 38676
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love the analogy, hope you get the gig.
Workn on my own.

Good luck!


Me - WH
Her - BW
Married 20 yrs, 3 kids
DDay - 17 Nov '12 (5 month PA)

Life's tough, it's tougher when your stupid.


Posts: 37 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: FL
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, November 23rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious...aren't you already under strict performance requirements? And really, aren't those requirements what should have been part of your commitment to the M in the first place?

Wishing you guys luck, especially with the defense of the dissertation. That's a huge event.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Topic Posts: 4

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