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User Topic: What does it mean???
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When your WS accuses you of things like having another Facebook page, talking to someone else, or having someone over???

He claims its insecurities that I will have a revenge A but he did it before I found out about his crap. He's done it off and on our whole relationship. When I mention having full transparency and stuff like that he suggests we both have it. He's even logged into my Facebook to see if I was doing anything. It's gotten worse since I found out about his inappropriate conversations with a coworker.

I know it's projection but he accuses me of doing far worse than what I caught him doing! I can't get over the feeling he's still cheating or did more than I know because of his accusations!

Did your WS do this? How do you heal when it triggers you even more?


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have full disclosure, too. I figure i can lead by example... I've Always had my stuff open, though. I feel like I have no need for privacy from him, and vice versa. Our privacy is ours.

[This message edited by steadfast1973 at 5:31 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It means because he is so dirty, he cannot fathom someone being virtuous.
Tell him to go F... off!
He is trying to shift the guilt to you. Put you on the defensive.
Again, go tell him to F... off!
Let him know you know what he is doing. That should stump him for a few hours!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2230 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stilllivin- I have told him I know what he is doing and I don't deserve to be on trial. I have nothing to hide and he can look at whatever but its the comments that bother me. When I get upset then he gets upset because he's just "trying to tell me how he feels" and "communicate with me". His accusations aren't justified! It's a slap in the face when he even suggests I do those things when it was HE who was unfaithful.


I get even more angry when he says, "I have thoughts and worries (about me being unfaithful) just like you." It is NOT the same thing!!!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's trying to project his guilt onto you!

He's just trying to deflect. He knows how easy it was for him to do what he did that, in order to feel better about himself, he needs to believe that you are just as bad as he is.

And probably hoping that if he gives you enough shit, and you are so busy trying to make sense of it all, that he can continue down his merry way.

Asshat!!

DON'T BUY INTO IT!!!


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1281 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being an open book should take the wind out of his sails, but he may be perseverating as a defense mechanism and to throw the focus off of him and onto you.

I get even more angry when he says, "I have thoughts and worries (about me being unfaithful) just like you."

Be a broken record: "I understand you have thoughts and worries but only you can control them. My thoughts and worries are based on the facts of your unacceptable behavior."

[This message edited by Hope2B at 5:35 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 356 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH does that too and I'm also really confused.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 206 | Registered: Nov 2013
steadfast1973
♀ Member
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think i would throw something large and heavy at FWH if he suggested that he thought i cheated... Or I'd laugh in his face. when would I have time?


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2256 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything XWH accused me of doing were actually things he himself had done or were actively doing.
Pure projection. Because HE was a liar and a sneak, everyone else had to be as well.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know right? I have a 3 month and 17 month old! I barely have time to pee each day!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gabby baby- That's what I begin to assume. He must be guilty of the things he accuses me of. Did your ex ever fess up? How did you find out about all that he did?


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stilllivin- I have told him I know what he is doing and I don't deserve to be on trial.

You missed the part where you tell him to f... off! Sweetie you left your bitch boots in the closet. Go blow the dust off of them and put those sexy things back on!

Then hard hard 180 and take care of you and your kids. Hell, get a sitter and go out with a sister or girlfriends for a few drinks. I'd give him no real reason, but put a little doubt!


or this...

I think i would throw something large and heavy at FWH if he suggested that he thought i cheated... Or I'd laugh in his face. when would I have time?

or a very timely and appropriately sarcastic, "AYFKM, pffft go F... yourself, I'm not doing this stupid crap with you! " comment can work wonders too!

[This message edited by StillLivin at 6:40 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2230 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, November 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gabby baby- That's what I begin to assume. He must be guilty of the things he accuses me of. Did your ex ever fess up? How did you find out about all that he did?
XWH only confessed to things that I had solid proof on. Everything else he continued to lie about. Even after a two year separation when I took him back to give it "one more try", he never did the work on himself so he cheated again. I got tired of it and divorced him.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6440 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:13 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine has made comments that insinuated I was being shady. I was sitting outside at 3 am on SI which is on my phone. He made some smartass comment about waking up and his wife was sitting outside on her phone st 3am. It's because I rarely sleep until I am totally exhausted . I started shooting questions at him about his phone activities and it shut him down pretty quick. It's a tactic they sometimes use which if it werent so damn maddening, it would almost be comical, considering the facts...


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5020 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 14

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