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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The latest missive from Xwh; do I respond?
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do not reply to this shithead. you just stick with the truth you are fine , all these waywards try the same crap. Take my advice and send crickets! although at times I should take my own advice too. lol all the best


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 627 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this guy for fucking real?

Please collect and send back the Ziploc bags sent in the kids' lunches so that we can reuse them if you choose not to use them. It is environmentally irresponsible to discard them after one use. There is expense involved in providing new bags every week and I do not think a request to reuse them is unreasonable. Thanks for your cooperation on this.

He can go fuck himself on this one. Like really? You're supposed to save your unused sandwich bags for him? Is he so frugal? I'm pretty sure he spent money on his Ashley Madison membership. Fuck him. Reminds me of that show "Extreme Cheapskates"

DS#1 apparently asked [my stepson], at your request, about the school bus schedule. This kind of matter would best be handled if you sought that information directly from school, or asked me. I would be happy to tell you. Please do not put the children in the position of being information seekers as that is not an appropriate role for them.

Was I out of line?
I don't think so, but I would call the transportation department for answers before I would ever ask it of Ms. Ashley Madison's spawn.

Could you please read [certain section] in the Separation Agreement? Owife and I have spoken with my parents, and had a session with the counselor and we are in agreement that some things have come to light in our discussions with the children that make us concerned that the children are being influenced in ways that may influence their feelings of affection, love, and respect for me. If you have any questions, please let me know, as I would like to foster an open dialogue with you.

THIS sounds like some emails I've received from my XWH when he was either forwarding me an email written by the OW or her parents, or when he was trying to impress the OW's parents when they were pressuring him about why he doesn't get overnights. (Cat-killers don't get overnights, sorry.)

I don't know if I'd believe him about the counselor though. What counselor in their right mind would encourage an Ashley Madison affair-turned-marriage, and expect it to be healthy for the kids. I'm not buying it.

I would not lobby for him. I would tell the truth when they ask, like you've done. You know, I've told you you've been way too nice through all of this.

I'd like to add that I'm incredibly disappointed in my XILs. That they could feel their son is behaving at all appropriately and that I'm somehow a negative influence in our children's lives is completely appalling. I guess they don't have as much integrity as I thought they did.

The in-law stuff hurts the most, if it actually happened, but you don't know if they actually said that or not. However, if they are welcoming the OW as if nothing wrong ever happened, then their actions are speaking loudly. They should be dead to you in that case.

I would love to know what the counselor said to XWH and the Owife; she was firmly on my side when I told her what had happened, so I'm disappointed to hear that she also thinks I'm somehow negatively influencing our children.
Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. I'd be making an appointment real quick to find out what this is all about.

I don't know how I should respond to this or if I even should. Should I respond or stay crickets?

My opinion is crickets. I can see those two assholes conspiring together to write this email, and OW asking "did she answer yet?" while a grin of anticipation is on her ugly ass face.

Personally, I'd stop playing nice. I'd stop being so accomodating. Look where it's gotten you so far? These two scumbags don't appreciate shit.

Remember when I said that once the excitement of the new marriage wears off, they've only got each other? Their relationship was not built on a solid foundation. It can't possibly last. Neither one are capable. So they want to bond together over their contempt for you, because, you know, you're just sooo awful and they are so wonderful.

He's fucking batshit crazy, and that's it. Fucking animals, the two of them.

[This message edited by sparkysable at 9:16 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3296 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont' remember if you got your house in your divorce
If I may be so bold as to respond...

Her XWH kept the house and bought Tryingagain74 out, and Ms. Ashley Madison moved in. Tryingagain74 took the $ and bought her own house, which I've been to in real life and it's ADORABLE! It's the cutest house ever in a darling neighborhood.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3296 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds to me like OWifey was standing over him as he drafted these.

Ignore the both of them.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21039 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ziploc bags? Really????

Give me his address, I'll have a flat of them delivered ASAP!


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 349 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did what I would suggest and contact the counselor. Open dialogue my ass.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Clearview
♀ Member
Member # 29565
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My favourite saying has always been "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it". I also have a mischievous streak a mile wide so you probably shouldn't take my advice

I would respond, with a (not even slightly) sincere apology for my thoughtlessness involving DS1 and stepson and let him know that this will not happen again. Then, I would let him know that I would be glad to help in his effort to save money and care for the environment. I would then ask if would please supply postage paid packaging, so that I can mail them to him whenever he needs them, in light of our "agreement" not to involve the children in matters such as this.
I would then go on to suggest that we go to a joint appointment with said counsellor together to address his concerns about parental alienation.

Even if he takes you up on it - call his bluff and go - reality has a way of making fools look even more foolish.

But then, like I said, I love playing "be careful what you wish for", so you probably shouldn't listen to me.


Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2010
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would be glad to help in his effort to save money and care for the environment. I would then ask if would please supply postage paid packaging, so that I can mail them to him whenever he needs them, in light of our "agreement" not to involve the children in matters such as this.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6330 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just one question - how does he know that
DS#1 apparently asked [my stepson], at your request, about the school bus schedule.
????

I'll tell you why - because he and OWife are talking about you in front of her children (and probably your own as well) who are then going back to him and reporting (read: tattle-tailing) on you. He's a fucking hypocrite. Tell him if he has concerns about parental alientation, you'll be happy to speak to the children's counselor about it and I'd make it a requirement that he's present for that conversation. That way, there'll be no doubt about what the counselor is finding.


Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would want to send a nickel in an envelope with his name on it with a note that says it's reimbursement for this weeks ziplock bags. I would also request that the envelope be returned because there is an expense involved in sending the weekly nickel in a new envelope every week and it also would be environmentally irresponsible.

That is probably the pettiest thing I have ever heard. Ziplock bags?! You can buy a pack of them for like $1!

He is literally complaining that you don't return trash! Sure it's reusable with a little effort but they quickly end up in the trash no matter how "environmentally responsible" a person wants to be because they weren't made to last. If he was so over-the-top concerned about the environment, he wouldn't be buying disposable bags in the first place. He doesn't give a shit what is happening with each $0.02 bag, he just wants to feel powerful enough to make you change your actions and do what he says no matter how trivial the request.

OW must not be making him feel like the powerful "man" he wishes he could be. Obviously he is in GREAT need for an ego boost from you. Don't give it to him and ignore his stupid ass.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 11:53 AM, November 21st (Thursday)]


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He wanted to try out the new self-righteous writing app he just downloaded

For Christmas, he's upgrading to Patronizing 2.0

Crickets for sure. Whenever I read one of these my first thought is: "Um, I ain't your wife anymore, bitch."

Don't let him make you second guess yourself. Putting the kids in the middle is "tell your dad...." not having conversations about day-to-day stuff.

What would be good for the environment is if all of these damn lower muppets would spontaneously combust.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5532 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, everyone. I'm staying solidly NC. My work friends and I now have a new nickname for XWH: "Ol' Ziploc," so at least something funny has come out of all of this.

I put in a call to the counselor and plan to make an appointment with her so that she can see the email. I don't know what she'll be able to tell me (the kids really see her, not the adults, so I'm not sure if sharing anything would be a violation of patient-client confidentiality), but I'm hoping that she can shed some light on the situation. Again, if my behavior is so egregious, then why didn't she just call me and suggest that I come in for a chat? I guess I'll find out.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3572 | Registered: Oct 2011
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have this well in hand, but I have one comment/question....


About the stupid bags....if you are getting "his", isn't he getting the ones you send in son's lunch the next time custody changes? Ie, if you have son mon, tues, he does Wed and Thurs...he would get your tuesday bags, so it should all even out!


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5411 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
HopeImOverIt
♀ Member
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG I can't believe the thing about the ziplock bags and the school bus schedule. How petty can you get?

Children should not be "information seekers"? Say what?! Heaven forfend that kids try to find answers by asking information of anyone!

The thinly veiled threat about parental alienation is just too vague to respond to. If he had any actual instances of you trash talking him, wouldn't he have cited them in the email? I can't believe he'd talk about ziplock bags and a question about the bus schedule, and yet fail to mention you saying "Dad is a POS."

Technically he did ask one question, where he said "Could you please read section X of our agreement?" So you could respond "Thanks I have read it."

I guess also there's an implied question in the request about the ziplock bags, as to whether you will start sending them back. One way to look at it is that this should really be a request from him to your children: "Children, henceforth please save the ziplock bags from your lunches and bring them back to my [Dad's] house."

I would be tempted to give him a little lecture about how it's not "appropriate" for him to try to involve you in his household's environmental practices. In the end I would probably say something bland like, "I passed on your message about plastic bags to the kids." That is my passive aggressive way of saying "It's not my issue so I'm not going to do anything about it."


Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced

Posts: 258 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One way to look at it is that this should really be a request from him to your children: "Children, henceforth please save the ziplock bags from your lunches and bring them back to my [Dad's] house."

I have this hilarious mental image of the kids showing up every week with a pile of used baggies for Ashley Madison to wash, LOL.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49468 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Charity411
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only response I would be tempted to give is:

Gee. I wish you were as worried about throwing away a wife as you are about damn plastic bags.

What a moron.


Posts: 309 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously.....Ziploc bags?

I think I bought 250 for 99 Cents (granted, it was a sale, so I stocked up!). If he's that concerned with the environment, I second the idea that he can buy some plastic containers and just wash them.

I'm pretty tight with a buck, and even I think this is just nuts. And unsanitary.......

Totally ignore this.


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1042 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you have any questions, please let me know, as I would like to foster an open dialogue with you.


^^^^ is what you received..

This is what I received: after I simply asked him to take our son to school one morning:

Look you really need to understand that slut is not the bad person in all this. She has the boys and my best interest at heart. You need to realize that if not for her you wouldnt even have a place to live. We are trying our best to get along with you and make things work for the boys. So pelase grow up and see as the kids are getting older we all need to communicate with each other
.

I responded: I'll take son to school. I'm not interested in your situation.

He responded:

That's still not the issue. I will take child but you really need to understand where I am with this. It's all our situation. Get used to it. Just like you and my 1st wife. H of OW and I have.

I cricked him. They want a fight, obviously.

Why?


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2050 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is brilliant that you are going to take the messages to the counselor! You rock to deal with this head on.

And btw, our d papers say both parents can have equal accesss to the counselor.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 5:39 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2050 | Registered: Jan 2012
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, November 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is a condescending asshole.

I have a great response for him. "Fuck off dickhead."

No, not really. None of that nonsense deserves a response.


Douche bag


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1565 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 51
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