We weren't on SI yet and didn't know any better.
I say definitely do it. I wish we had and so does he.
Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August
I mailed it certified, return receipt, and she signed for it. I've heard, since then, that she was pissed!
Too bad. I was vindicated and happy and I needed that BADLY at that time.
I kept a copy of the letter so I could read it occasionally and it always makes me feel better.
I'll also give copies to her adult children and in-laws if she violates it.
Fortunately for me and OM's BW, both WW and OM seem to be ok with NC.
They work for the same co. so I really had no idea if they were still talking, even up to now.
But, I did go visit her husband and informed him.
AP#1,2,4 no because I didn't find out about them until contact had long been over.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
What worked the best was hanging up on her when she called. BOOM. Done.
We've had a few weird incoherent "polling" calls on the land line since then but I handled them.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...
However, I wish that my H had written one. Oh how I wish this.
It isn't the same coming from me. I needed him to she that initiative for me.
Now, two years after dday, I still want him to write a letter. Not to establish NC obviously, as there has been NC, but to renounce their relationship. To tell her that he considers their A to be the biggest mistake of his life, that he loves me and is so grateful to be given another chance. To tell her that what they did was not about love but about brokenness, using and selfishness. That he feels that he was in a terrible place during the A, that it caused only destruction and that he will always regret not protecting his family from an intruder.
Is it really too late to send such a letter? I have been asking for this for some time, and my H won't do it.
I know that I shouldn't invite contact or give her any space in our lives, but I feel that until this is done, she will continue to take up that space.
Sorry to have turned this thread a bit.
Just wanted to express how much I wish we had sent a NC letter in the very beginning.
After OW broke NC, we sent a letter to her new place of business, with no return address, and disguised penmanship.
After breaking NC again OW tells WSO she didn't receive the second one and says: "I don't need another one of those letters."
So, sent her the third one, certified, and she refused that one too.
From my standpoint it gave me some peace to know that we were sending OW a message to not make any contact. I really believe she received and opened the second one by mistake.
NC has been maintained as far as I know.
I then threw away my pay as you go phone in the dumpster at work.
In hindsight I wish I would have done it in front of BH. I guess the phone turned back on in the dump and xap BW kept telling my bh I still had it.
Live and learn I guess. But thankfully xap honored my wish and never tried to call me again. Over 2 years and not a peep - I am thankful for that!
D day - July 2011 after a 4 year relationship with OM
Reconciled and renewed our vows on our 22 Anniversary in June 2012
It was simple and respected me. Of course he broke NC within 72 hours. We did this little dance a few times before it stuck.
Texting was critical to their A, so I drafted a text message saying something like 'I won't meet you today as planned or ever again. This is the last time I will contact you.' W approved the draft. I don't remember who hit 'send'.
That was immediately followed by numerous phone calls (dozens?), which I picked up and hung up on. Later on the morning of D-Day, ow and her H(!) showed up at our building wanting to see my W, and I stood in the vestibule for 45 minutes until they left. (I was afraid they'd be able to force their way in if I tried to get through to the lobby myself.)
Then came texts, which were ignored. Then W changed her number, with no forwarding from the old number, which stopped the texts.
ow sent a birthday card to my W 2+ weeks after D-Day.
W & ow had some business dealings. A month or 2 or 3 after D-Day, ow called and asked for W. I didn't recognize her voice, so I passed her on to W, who freaked. W told her to write a letter about any remaining business issues.
I'm as close to 100% certain as I can be that my W did nothing to initiate or evoke or continue ow's disrespecting the NC text. That's why I tend to recommend giving WSes a pass when it's the ap who breaks NC. YMMV.
[This message edited by sisoon at 3:55 PM, November 21st (Thursday)]
two month affair with a supposed friend....more like a filthy whore
R.....it's going well (so far)